See, we can spell Australian
When you finish eating at an Australian Restaurant
This morning, I told my Australian friend that the store was having a sale, and that he should check it out. He looked up at me, took out his earphones and said...
He gets a mini heart-attack when the Australian waiter says "Check, Mate"
A man from Prague and his friend were playing chess at a restaurant when an Australian waiter interrupts their game. The waiter says, "have a check, mate. Your Czech mate is about to be in checkmate... oh, and here's the cheque, mate."
I was watching an Australian cooking show, and the audience applauded when the chef made a meringue.
I was surprised. Usually Australians boo meringue.
What did the Australian say to the toilet?
Australians don’t have sex
Australian's don't have sex
Watching an Australian cooking show and the chef made some meringue and the crowd cheered!
Surprising since most Aussies like to boo meringue.
What's the favourite type of cake of Australians?
Sir, I'm Sikh. - Oh shit man, get well soon. (Especially funny with Australian accent, as Sikh and sick sound the same. Also funny because of how many people mistake Sikhs for Muslims. In no way intended to insult anyone for their beliefs. Just a funny pun.)
Do Australians really say mate that often?
What do you call an Australian lawyer?
I was watching an Australian cooking show and was surprised when the audience cheered the meringue.
Australians usually boo-meringue.
I was watching an Australian cooking show, and the audience applauded the chef for making a perfect meringue.
I was surprised, as Australian's usually boo meringue.
I was watching an Australian cooking show and the audience started applauding when the chef made a meringue.
I was shocked. Usually Australians boo meringue.
Isn’t it odd that Australians are proud of inventing pavlova?
They usually boo meringue.
Why are brinjals Australian?
Why are Australian dad jokes the best?
Because they are koala tea.
Australians are quite hot
A day old Australian fish?
Today while discussing game meats and a kangaroo stew I made a few years back, my coworker pointed out that with the Australian wild fires you won’t be able to get much kangaroo meat these days...
My reply without missing a beat — you’ll be able to buy it, you just won’t be able to buy it rare.
What do australian teens say, when they miss a call from their grandmother?
I'm not too sure about this Australian Prime Minister
What do you call an Australian dog?
Have you heard of the new Australian earphones that let everyone down?
They were noice-cancelling.
I was watching an Australian cooking show and people started cheering when the chef made a meringue.
I was shocked, Australians usually boo meringue.
Why didn't the Australian marsupial climb down the tree to drink the beverage waiting for him on the ground?
I don't understand why the Australian authorities haven't called out the lady sheep to deal with the fires. Everyday, when I was a child, Smokey the Bear was on TV telling me,
"Only EWE can prevent forest fires."
I was applying for Australian citizenship.
The interviewer asked "Do you have a criminal record?"
"No. Is that still required?"
When you finish eating at an Australian restaurant
What do you tell your Australian friend if he just missed a call from his pops?
Australian crocodiles can grow up to 15 feet!
Never play chess with an Australian
You'll never know if "you're in check, mate" or if "you're in checkmate"
An Australian chess player went into a restaurant and ordered food. After having his food , the waiter asked him "Cash or Credit , Sir?"
A pun about eyeballs or a pun about Australian accents?
Can an Australian with poor vision clearly see the moon?
No, but a "good eye might".
I can't believe the results of the Australian Election this year.
Bill really got the shorten of the stick.
I heard that there’s an Australian tea harvested from the tops of Eucalyptus trees
It’s pretty high koala tea
You know what my Australian Shepherd's favorite cheese is?
For all the Australian’s convenience so they can see the top meme without having to look upside down.
What is Australians favorite drink?
What's an Australian's favourite chocolate?
What’s an Australian prisoner called?
I met a girl who can play a wooden instrument developed by indigenous Australians.
What did the Australian cowboy charge for kangaroo rides?
(My 3 year old came to me with that one this morning)
Australian chess players would have difficulty playing chess because it'd be very confusing to figure out if it's a check mate or a checkmate.
Posted this on Showerthoughts thought It'd be more appropriate here.
Dad once tried towing a dogsled with wild Australian dogs.
Australians dont reproduce
What do Australian waiters, basketball players, and chess players have in common?
The Royal Australian Mint has game
What do you call an Australian Soap show about horses?
I was applying for an Australian citizenship
When the interviewer asked me ‘Do you have a criminal record?”
I said “No, is that still required?”
What instrument do Australian's play in Israel?
An Australian is walking over to a friend to say hi.
All of a sudden, his friend pulls out a gun and shoots him. As the Australian is bleeding out on the ground, he rasps, “good aim, mate.”
What did the Australian baseball coach say to the batter?
Good eye, mate. Good eye...
I tried to pet a wild Australian dog once
Why couldn’t the Australian marsupial find a job?
Because he was underKoalafied.
Native Australians were the first to develop the six pack muscle in their belly.
An Australian friend asked me if I thought his bad eye would see better with glasses
so I said ‘Good eye might’.
Why couldn’t the Australian general win the war on bread?
Because it was stale, mate.
A joke only Australians can understand
˙uǝʇɐǝ ǝq ʇ,uoʍ noʎ ʇsɐǝl ʇ∀ ¿ƃop ǝɥʇ oʇ ʎɐs uǝʞɔᴉɥɔ ǝɥʇ pᴉp ʇɐɥM
What did the Australian chess champion say to his waitor when he was finished with his lunch?
Why is going to an Australian restaurant like playing chess?
Because at the end you have to say “check mate”.
Playing chess with an Australian would suck. “Check, mate”
What’s similarity between playing a chess and having a dinner in Australian restaurant?
They both end with “Checkmate”.
how well does a sick Australian feel?
a bit down under the weather
My Australian friend and I were playing chess while talking about which European country we should travel to
How are playing chess and eating in an Australian restaurant similar?
They both end with checkmate!
What is a happy Australian's favourite emoji?
What did the Australian Chess player say about the mouldy bread?
An Australian is visiting England...
He is from a small rural town and he does not know anything about traffic laws and street lights. He crosses a street and almost gets hit by a car. A police officer sees him and screams: "Oi! Did you come here to die?" The Australian replies with: "Nah mate, I came here yesterday!"
I was applying for Australian citizenship and the interviewer asked whether I had a criminal record.
I replied: "No. Is that still a requirement?"
How do you call a friend who has an Australian and a Czech parent?
Studies show that Australians rarely ever have sexual intercourse,
but when they do
Australian Emo in Captivity
Australians are importing kitchen worktops from the UK...
....they call them pommigranites.
Beautiful dad joke delivery on Australian national TV last night
Includes all the important aspects of a good dad joke:
- Innocent setup by unsuspecting teammate
- Perfect delivery of terrible dad joke
- High five from another shameless dad nearby
- Look of severe disapproval from contest judge who can't believe you just did that in front of your entire country
What did the incredulous Australian anteater say to his child?
Are euchidding me?
Told to my 2 month old daughter who thought this was hilarious! Or... maybe she just smiles reflexively... either way....!
Australians don't have sex
What are you likely to here at both an Australian Restaurant and a game of chess
Jason Bourne visited an Australian city to see his sister.
Chris Hemsworth is from Australia and Thor is from space, making Chris an Australian and Thor an Australien?
What did the Australian child say on their 8th birthday?
What does an Australian chess player say when he finishes his meal?
An Australian Indigenius music student fails his midterm exam and tells his friend about it.
His friend asks, "didgeridoo it?"
The kids asked me why our Alexa in the basement has an Australian accent
Me: "Because the basement is down under the house"
My Australian friend was told he may no longer handle marsupials...
I guess you could say he has been dis-koala-fied.
Australians dont have sex
Australians don’t have sex
How do Australians have sex?
Australians don't have sex...