Why it’s hard to teach Aussie’s how to play chess?

Because they think every check is check mate

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πŸ‘€︎ u/randombot777
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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As an Aussie, I feel sorry for my American friends and their government

After all, they’re still stuck in the last decade

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Delliott90
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
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Aussie Aussie Aussie
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
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Aussie is the cat’s name
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πŸ‘€︎ u/high_pH_bitch
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
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My Aussie buddy's chef friend just moved in.

He calls him his roux mate.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2019
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Everyone else sees a bunch of upside-down bottles, but all Aussie is a good meme.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yuri_Nikiforov
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
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So I was in a hostel playing chess with a European guy when an Aussie comes up and says...

"There's no way you'll win."

"Why?"

"Because he's Czech, mate."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Caledonius
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
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Aussie chef makes sauce thickener out of marsupial fat.

Kanga-roux.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2017
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What did the Aussie say to the waiter after winning his chess match?

Check mate!

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2019
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Dad joke for Aussies

Why did Yothu Yindi add Dancing Queen , Mama Mia and Waterloo to their play list?

Because they are Abba originals.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrDonKee
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2021
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Aussies will understand
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thefizzynator
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
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Aussies!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/knowthe_numbers
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
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US Soldier - did u come here to die?

Aussie Soldier - Nah mate, came 'ere yesterdie.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/InvincibleStark
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2021
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Why did Mr and Mrs Barnacle go to couples' counselling?

Because thier marriage was the rocks.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
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Do Australians really say mate that often?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Devanshi1618
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
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I died
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mralijey
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
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Sir yes sir
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πŸ‘€︎ u/narwhal-lord14
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2018
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In order to have a murder of crows, there must be probable caws.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GenuinePenguin12
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2018
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Watching an Australian cooking show and the chef made some meringue and the crowd cheered!

Surprising since most Aussies like to boo meringue.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hoosierdaddiesx
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
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Why didn’t the koala get the job?

He wasn’t koalafied!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tomahawk27
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
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Is Google Assistant a dad?

http://i.imgur.com/KD1dxhgh.jpg

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GiveMeBackMySon
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2016
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I used to be tenor

Now I'm just o-bass

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πŸ‘€︎ u/unknownamouse
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
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Vincent Van Gogh walks into a bar...

The bartender asks "want a pint?"

Van Gogh replies "No thanks, I've got one 'ere."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/D-Ballz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
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Please remember to vote today

and remember to call a doctor if your election lasts more than 4 hours.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thedjprofessor
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2018
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I asked a soldier what his rank was.

Him: "It's private."
Me: "No, it's okay, you can tell me."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/weeping_pegasus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2015
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Australians don't have sex...

Australians mate.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fuzion129
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2018
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You know what my Australian Shepherd's favorite cheese is?

Aussie-ago.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Linkjmaur
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
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5 wine puns! 4 shit and 1 that's actually alright. youtube.com/watch?v=sWYvj…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elijah__James
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2018
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When driving past a cemetery

Dad: I bet everyone's dying to get in there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_GHOSTRID3R
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2017
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A sergeant of the Australian army yells at a private....

"PRIVATE, DID YOU COME HERE TO DIE?" The private responds: "NO SIR! I came here yesterday!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/question87
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2014
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Only Australians will understand

How Aussies ask where the bathroom is

B'det, mate?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joeywithanr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2016
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what do australians say when they figure out a clever joke?

"aussie what you did there.."

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2014
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Portia de Rossi looks different in AD season 4...

The years haven't been DeGeneres to her.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kangaroo_Quart
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2013
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Tomorrow's gonna be a long day...

Or at least, a little longer than today anyway.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/flume
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2013
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My new favourite Dad joke

An Aussie blonde was sent on her way to Heaven. Upon arrival, a concerned St Peter met her at the Pearly Gates. 'I'm sorry,' St Peter said; 'but Heaven is suffering from an overload of godly souls and we have been forced to put up an Entrance Exam for new arrivals to ease the burden of Heavenly Arrivals.'

'That's cool' said the blonde, 'What does the entrance exam consist of?'

'Just three questions' said St Peter.

'Which are?' asked the blonde.

'The first,' said St Peter, 'is, which two days of the week start with the letter 'T'? The second is 'How many seconds are there in a year'?

The third is 'What was the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?''

'Now,' said St Peter, 'Go away and think about those questions and when I call upon you, I shall expect you to have those answers for me.'

So the blonde went away and gave those three questions some considerable thought (I expect you to do the same).

The following morning, St Peter called upon the blonde and asked if she had considered the questions, to which she replied, 'I have.'

'Well then,' said St Peter, 'Which two days of the week start with the letter T?'

The blonde said, 'Today and Tomorrow.'

St Peter pondered this answer for some time and decided that indeed the answer can be applied to the question.

'Well then, could I have your answer to the second of the three questions' St Peter went on, 'how many seconds in a year?' The blonde replied, 'Twelve!' 'Only twelve' exclaimed St Peter, 'How did you arrive at that figure?' 'Easy,' said the blonde, 'there's the second of January, the second of February, right through to the second of December, giving a total of twelve seconds.'

St Peter looked at the blonde and said, 'I need some time to consider your answer before I can give you a decision.' He walked away shaking his head.

A short time later, St Peter returned to the blonde. 'I'll allow the answer to stand, but you need to get the third and final question absolutely correct to be allowed into Heaven. Now, can you tell me the answer to the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?'

The blonde replied: 'Of the three questions, I found this the easiest to answer.' 'Really!' exclaimed St Peter, 'and what is the answer?' 'It's Andy.' 'Andy??' 'Yes, Andy,' said the blonde. This totally floored St Peter and he paced this way and that, deliberating the answer. Finally, he could not stand the suspense any longer and turning to the blonde, asked 'How in God's name did you arrive at

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrTelly
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2014
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