Attorneyism Puns

For all the moo law

He keeps telling me its LA, but its gotta be Phoenix, right?

Because anything more than one is murder.

ambience chaser

He was quite the cross-examiner.

A litigator.

A very skilled attorney interviews for a job at a prestigious firm. The managing partner looks over his resume and exclaims with glee, “Oh my goodness! You’re so experienced! You’re hired, and you can name your salary!”

The interviewee paused for a moment and said “Thank you. I’d like to call mine Dennis.”

Father-in-Law.

prosecutie

Subpoeña coladas

Ace attorney's

It's called Pro Bono.

A Law-suit. (Impossible that I'm the first person to think this).

He had a lack of conviction that led to a lack of conviction.

It was a brief case.

One is made of avocado, and the other is an abogado.

A Law-Suit.

But the prosecutor.

He is always talking about being Pro-Bono

Because every prosecutor loves arraigny day!

For example, they’re both often asked to separate Czechs

"I can't," the lawyer said. "I'd be dis Bard."

The neighboring store front and exterminator van in the opening credits have the best punny business names and always crack me up. I'm a fan and would love to name my business in a similar fashion. ETA Examples: I'd Hit That Boxing Gym. Lady and the Clamp, Hardware for Her. A Fridge Too Far. Cupid's Stupid, Divorce Attorneys. A Ton in the Oven, Big and Tall Baby Clothes. Let's Scissor! Collage Studio. Don't Stop Bereaving, Grief Counseling.

But I am So. Stuck.

A little background about my business idea: I'm a personal/sometimes virtual assistant specializing in household admin and management. I'm marketing mostly towards blue collar men who might be widows/divorcees who never had to worry about the general finances and household paperwork. Some of the services offered are: budget setting, bill paying, appointment setting/calendar management, travel arrangements, errands, personal & grocery shopping, pet & house sitting, etc...

I'm ready to take the next steps in making this an actual business and take out some ad space, but the perfectionist in me NEEDS a brilliant name. Can someone please help me? The best I can come up with is some sort of play on Pepper Potts, but I see quite a few VAs out there with that as a business name. I will gift a platinum to the one I like the best if that's appropriate.

Thank you in advance! 🍔

I hate in when the at-laws visit.

The others were feeling Phelpless.

A father in law...

I guess you could say he's my son in law...

All lawyers have become in-house attorneys.

They keep them on retainer.

Attorney-kit.

Passing a billboard for the law offices of Powell, Powell, and Powell, I said to my wife, "Those are the attorneys I would call."

"Why?"

"They're obviously the most Powell-ful firm in town."

Now he has the power of attorney

...but now my family gets nothing when I die. Should have hired an attorney.

Chester, the defendant, stood in front of the judge's imposing bench, waiting patiently for the reason why he was there. To further muddle the moment, he stared at items unfamiliar to him, at least in that context.

Perched on and near His Honor's desk were the following: A DuraLast Ultra in one car with a long, black cord stretching to another car, several alkaline D cells plugged into a black box, and lastly, a cell phone with its cord sticking into the wall.

Finally removing Chester's questioned look was his attorney leaning into his ear to whisper, "It's official, now: You're facing battery charges."

If I were her attorney, I could get a not-guilty verdict using the First Amendment. She was exercising her freedom of expression.

If you have any ideas about puns involving the terms immigration attorney, immigration and customs enforcement/ICE, and puns about immigration detention that would be amazing.

You guys are immigreat, thanks so much!

He missed attorney

• Accounts Payable Administrator_______________Imelda Czechs

• Accounts Payable Clerk, Moscow Office__________Dasha Chekhov

• Air-Quality Monitor _________________________Carmine Dioxide

• Caffeine Addiction Counselor__________________Bruno Moore

• Chief Legal Counsel_________________________ Hugh Louis Dewey of Dewey, Cheetham & Howe

• Cliche Monitor_____________________________Saul Wellingood

• Clothing Designer__________________________Hugh Jass

• Credit Counselor___________________________Max Stout

• Director of Purchasing_______________________Lois Bidder

• Director of Pavlovian Research________________Isabelle Ringing

• Divorce Attorney___________________________Carmine Nottyors

• Dog Trainer_______________________________Don Chase Katz

• Ebay Specialist____________________________Selma Junkoff

• Head of Security___________________________Barb Dwyer

• Global Economics Forecaster_________________Helena Handbasket

• Marine Biologist___________________________Frieda Wales

• Father-in-Law Liaison_______________________Royal Payne Diaz

• Mother-in-Law Liaison______________________Stella Payne Diaz

• Official Spokesperson_______________________Howie Vasive

• Restroom Attendants_______________________Trudy Door & Donna Hall

• Russian Chauffeur__________________________Picov Andropov

• Scout Leader______________________________Lawson D. Woods

• Shop Foreman_____________________________Luke Bizzy

• Staff Intuitionist____________________________Ivan Inkling

• Used Car Salesman_________________________Alexis Itznot

Full list can be found here: http://www.cartalk.com/content/staff-credits

Then he'll really be an ace attorney.

Me: An attorney is defending a man being sued for walking around town in his underwear. It was a brief case. Ahahahahaha

Dad: I heard it was a hard one though bahaha

Me: Dammit!

The fan is planning to sue, and U2 is looking for a pro Bono attorney.