The Ferrets Wheel
Of all people, you’d think they’d appreciate a period joke
They didn’t do anything.
They divided the duties equally: one was the fish friar, and the other was
the chip monk!
The vampire, being hundreds of years old, had decided to conduct an experiment to see which career path was the most rewarding. He had every degree and certification you could imagine, but he settled on a surprising choice: cleaning mirrors.
When questioned, he said, "There's something about cleaning a mirror that just speaks to me. Not only can you see your progress as you go, I just know I'm helping someone see their true selves, for better or worse. I'm as surprised as you are, it's not a job I could ever see myself doing."
There were costumed food characters on stage in a cooking demonstration at the fair we were at (ice cream, churro, orange, and really round corn on the cob).
As the corn character was introduced, I turned to my girlfriend and said, "Aww shucks, that corn is a little husky."
The immediate look of disdain and the eye roll from her is my reason for living.
It’s kinda a big dill
Dad: "That isn't very nice but it's a reasonable fat simile."
As I was filling out the entry form, I said to the girl: "If I win this, I can re-tire!"
She didn't even acknowledge the joke.
After winning a live fish at the fair, my dad and his friends go out for dinner.
Dad: Do you serve fish here?
Waiter: Yes.
Dad: Ok great, (holds up fish) he'll have the steak.
It was his Frodo-Booth.
Daughter #2: Dad you know why we shouldn't buy milk from that cow?
Me: "No sweetheart why"?
Daughter #2: "With a snicker". "Because it's spoiled"!
My wife: "Groan".
Daughter #3: "Mooooooooo".
Edit: Quotes as requested.
Whack-a-mol-ey
A couth youth tooth booth.
Just so that it wouldn't come down.
Heard that from a deadhead at the Deerfield fair.
...but at least I got a constellation prize.
Went to the state fair with the family the other day where they're celebrating 200 years! Came across a bison exhibit and I told the family, "look everyone, it's Tennial!" After about 8 seconds of silence....groans all around.
Even the baby started crying
"Since birth!" ... He didn't look particularly amused.
