I’m attracted to this person because subconsciously I consider them female. Should I even pursue a relationship with this person if it already is causing me mental anguish?
Sooo, I do need surgery. In fact, major surgery. My condition is neither particularly debilitating nor life-threatening (congenital stage 2 CVI), but if I want to live without pain, I'll have to get rid of the entire great saphenous vein in my left leg. This already sounds fun, as that is a major blood vessel going from the groin straight down to the foot.
The problem is that despite the fact that surgery is doable my doctor advises against it. Why? I'm young, single, childless, and I'm AFAB. Meaning I might have children still, and it's easier to wait for everything that can go wrong to go wrong during pregnancy and then axe it all off.
Which, sure, I might want to have children at some point. That's a normal thing to think, I understand. But this leaves me in a situation where I might have to wait for a surgery for decades till I either have children or am no longer fertile, and then I might not be in a place where I can afford that surgery, or I might require even more medical attention because of my condition possibly getting worse.
Great.
TL;DR: I can and probably should get major surgery. Doctor says "no" because I haven't given birth yet (apparently, adoption isn't an option).
I just wanna know if anybody would be willing to live life as the opposite sex. Everybody would think you were always like this. If you don't want to, how much money do you think it'd take to change your mind?
/uj I can't tell if she's a "closeted" transphobe or just really uneducated on trans topics
/uj Edit: also can we please talk about how stupid this fucking "born a girl" "born a boy" shit is? I'm not sure if it's in other places, but AFAB and AMAB exist and people still say they trans people are "born their AGAB".
Cause genderfluid genderqueer is often too much jargon for me to explain.
I've been having a lot of very painful and debilitating symptoms for a couple years now, but my doctor is...well, she's not bad, but she keeps telling me to basically "wait and see." Keep in mind that "waiting and seeing" involves multiple times where I haven't been able to move for hours due to pain, sometimes several times a week/month.
I don't want Reddit diagnosing me, I'm just looking for AFAB people that have had similar issues (PCOS, endometriosis, even just "standard" menstrual issues like dysmenorrhea) and went to a doctor who they felt understood them and took them seriously. The gender of the doctor doesn't really matter to me, but I do ask that they're trans-inclusive, as I am a trans man with no intentions of detransitioning just to get care unless it's the absolute last resort. I'm also located in East Portland but I don't really expect to find any doctors over here, so doctors anywhere in the city (that can at least be accessed by TriMet) are fine.
I'm currently going to Women's Healthcare Associates.
(Also: I am so not in the mood for people to get bitchy with me in the comments about using neutral language or my gender. If you think phrases like AFAB are stupid or think trans people are delusional, then cool, that's your opinion, but I'm not going to give you the debate that you want.)
Sorry if these are blatant generalizations. I’m fine being corrected and learning. I clarify that I’m not trying to troll and I’m trying to gain a better perspective on this but from what I’ve seen, as I’ve come out I’ve had a hard time being gay.
I knew I was from a very young age and being a POC this was already a double whammy added with other characteristics of my identity I learned later. Growing up I naturally came out as a gay man in the bar scene where I thought I’d be accepted but I wasn’t and felt even more depressed.
Dates and friends were hard to come by and it just never ever seemed to work out. I had a long history of mental health issues form extrinsic experiences from family, friends, teachers that should’ve been supportive but weren’t and despite that I got into an engineering doctoral degree but I’m still a broken person.
I’ve healed somewhat and have come out into healthier circles but I’ve noticed that it seems like a lot of the women and non-binary people in my social lgbt circles have already sorted everything out and have loving partners they met years ago while other male and non-binary male-assigned at birth people are still single and still working through so much mental health stuff and alone and we’re very awkward around each other.
I don’t know why there’s a stark contrast or if it’s toxic masculinity that’s impeding our mental health improvement but I feel like I’m trapped and so many people I’ve talked to are and we recognize it yet we just move on instead of lift each other up and support each other.
I see massive threads on r/askgaybros where so many of us gay men are broken and there’s no interconnection.
I feel like we’re screaming in an abyss and it’s a false loneliness that shouldn’t be. I don’t want to die alone. Many of us don’t and many of my friends didn’t either and made it work so what’s stopping us?
Some days, I feel like a woman. Other days, I feel like any gender.
I’m struggling to figure out, and I don’t want to disrespect anyone. I’ve been going by They/She, but don’t feel upset when folks call me she. However, when I am address with “she” pronouns, I really take note of it in my mind.
Heteronormative characteristics that are assigned to women really grate on my nerves because I don’t identify with them.
Is it appropriate for me to refer to myself as non-binary despite some of the days I feel like a woman??
For example, could a transgender man have signs of autism that would normally be signs of autism for cisgender men?
The transgender person may or may not be on hormonal therapy already.
Is it all about science or is it also about how the person was raised and how they got treated from society?
Sorry if anything of what I said was in any way offensive, my question is genuine.
I call it the X-Files.
Makes about as much sense as me looking up and 'assigning' clouds to the sky.
There is nothing to assign. You are merely observing.
If you think you are assigning, which field of human endeavour, skill or practice are you doing the assigning in?
Not law - putting a sex on a birth certificate is only a recording of, or recognition of a tangible reality.
Not science / medicine - a scan can tell the sex before the baby's even born.
You have nothing to assign. It's redundant.
Sounds more like lazy ideology & folk magic.
And no-one can be obligated to believe in magic. Woo-woo is optional.
Hello all! My name is Faye Polasek and I am a cognitive science researcher at the University of Michigan. I am conducting a research survey on gynecologic disorders. This research study is being advised by Dr. Gabriela Marcu, PhD and has been approved by the University of Michigan Institutional Review Board (IRB). My study number is HUM00206021.
I am surveying adults (18+) assigned sexually female at birth, who have or think they may have a gynecological health disorder of any kind. Individuals of all gender identities are welcome to participate. You must reside in the U.S. but your citizenship status does not matter. The data will be used for completion of an honors degree thesis. No personal information will be collected without consent. Participation is fully voluntary and should take no more than 20-30 minutes.
Take the survey here:
https://umich.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_9AIJkFKgfzivFwG
Please feel free to ask any questions! I can be contacted at fpolasek@umich.edu or in this thread.
EDIT to Update/correct: Thank you all so much for replies, corrections, insights, and information. I have received many thoughtful replies that took far more time that the original question deserved. I'm afraid if I edit the question to remove problematic parts then some replies won't make sense, but I also don't want to cause any additional harm to future readers, so let me summarize two key takeaways that may save future readers time -- or at least save their eyeballs from the strain of eye rolling at cis ignorance in a trans space:
- As u/Tattieaxp says so succinctly, " Many trans people miss out on important healthcare services because they're either offered services solely for their AGAB or solely for their identified gender. Neither is exactly correct for a person who has been on HRT for a while. Similar problems affect intersex folk, and cis people with certain medical histories. " So my examples, that were focused on services one might need based on their AGAB, both erased the needs that can arise because of hormone therapy, and ignore all the work many people do to address dysphoria, which can also alter the medical needs relative to cis people of the same assigned sex at birth. The few people I know personally have not medically transitioned, so top of mind was including them, but I should have paused to think about how the examples would affect others.
- Because there can be so much variance, the question becomes moot: There's no reason to come up with a better term for all people AFAB, because, as u/chucklebuckler explains, "Between intersex people, trans people, hrt, menopause, and hysto/orchie/oopho/mastectomy surgeries, people just can't be easily or cleanly grouped into broad bodily categories. More accurate to specify what is being addressed rather than who.
(Somebody suggested this forum for my question, but obviously this isn't as important as trans people's experiences, so if this isn't the place for a question on terms, please let me know.)
I may totally be making something out of nothing here, but the term "assigned female at birth" (or AMAB -- but I'll just use language of one for simplicity) feels like it's putting the emphasis on the gender a person used to be perceived as, rather than on their current situation. Like, it doesn't matter what erroneous best guess the doctor made at birth; we just want to make sure we're doing the right cancer screenings.
Is there a better catch-all term for people (men
... keep reading on reddit ➡
I’m just a little confused…
Edit: Thank you all for taking your time to explain :) Things are more clear for me now~
Hello! I'm conducting a study as part of my degree at university and it would be greatly appreciated if you guys could take a quick 5 minutes to fill out this survey :) https://forms.gle/xXRDz8y2792XZDKe7
I'm also looking for people to interview so if you have opinions or stories you'd like to share about your experience with accessing sexual and reproductive healthcare please message me!!
I'm sure the robocall has been discussed at length before, but something new struck me when it popped into my head today. I'm only a casual Duggar snark follower, so maybe this has already been addressed: There's the obvious bit about how "transgender" does not equal "sexual predator," and the hypocrisy of having a cis-gender predator for a son while warning people about stranger danger. But today I realized her entire robo call was about protecting women and girls from AMAB "predators" she believes are "falsely" presenting as female. It's all about "men" having access to female spaces, and about protecting women and girls. So, do you think she even knows that "transgender" can mean someone assigned female at birth can transition to male, and present as male? And, separate from that (because again, "transgender" has nothing to do with "sexual predator), do think she believes that little boys can be victims of sexual abuse? Because there is nothing about protecting little boys from "women" presenting as men, in what should be male spaces. So is that she doesn't think transgender men are a thing, or does she think people assigned female at birth can't also be predators, or does she think only girls (not boys) can be victims? Or, does she know the truth of it all, and just used the "men in dresses creeping on little girls in the changing room" angle because she thought that sounded the scariest and would get more people to rally to her hateful cause?
Why are MTF traditions seemingly more prevalent then FTM?
This is going to be kind of long. I appreciate everyone reading this and telling me what you think. I'm a white, assigned female at birth non binary femme. Most people read me as a woman, even though I don't necessarily see myself that way. I have identified as a woman for most of my life.
I recently joined a group therapy group with 5 other cis women. I often talk about the difficulties in my relationships, the boundaries I set, some of my trauma, my chronic illnesses, my depressons/anxiety etc. I'm currently experiencing depression and my emotions are all over the place. I often do feel angry, upset, hurt, annoyed, etc. I'm opinionated too and passionate. All of that is brought to the group. Not many of the other women share that much about their lives, except one other woman who often talks about how self conscious she is about her weight. She's really self conscious and down on herself and she gets a lot of support around that.
Recently I was given feedback about a boundary I wanted to set with my sister and one woman said she didn't agree with me. She said that I came across as angry in the group and she felt unsafe. I confirmed with her and the rest of the group that I have not insulted or hurt anyone directly with my words, it's just how I talk about the issues in my life. I don't want to discount the feedback but it's hard for me to take it in because anger is an emotion that women are not really allowed to express. I know this is even more pronounced for black and women of color. if I was a cis white man I would likely be seen as passionate or assertive so it's hard for me to know if I should take the feedback in or not. I'm suspicious, and I can't see this as separate from our social context. These women are dealing with a variety of their own issues but I rarely hear them talk about what they're doing in their own lives to make things better. this isn't a judgment, I know it takes work to get there and it can be really hard to feel like you can do something and feel more empowered. but I wonder if me being more assertive and "angry" is too intimidating for them? I feel like I'm an example of "what is not allowed". I used to be more like them and still am to a degree but I'm also fiery and don't want to take BS from people. by that I mean, I've been learning in individual therapy how to speak up more, set boundaries, not settle for stuff that doesn't feel good, not hate myself/my body, take up space, not shrink myself and be "nice" and palata
... keep reading on reddit ➡
Hello! I'm conducting a study as part of my degree at university and it would be greatly appreciated if you guys could take a quick 5 minutes to fill out this survey :) https://forms.gle/xXRDz8y2792XZDKe7
I'm also looking to interview people assigned female at birth, who aged 36 - 45 and 45+ and haven't experienced menopause. It won't take much time and you'd be saving my life by doing it haha.
Hello! I'm conducting a study as part of my degree at university and it would be greatly appreciated if you guys could take a quick 5 minutes to fill out this survey :) https://forms.gle/xXRDz8y2792XZDKe7
I'm also looking for people to interview so if you have opinions or stories you'd like to share about your experience with accessing sexual and reproductive healthcare please message me!!
