I just got thrown out of my local park for arranging the squirrels by height.

They didn’t like my critter sizing.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mycorona69
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
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I was thrown out of the local park for arranging the squirrels by height...

Apparently they just can’t take a little critter-sizing!

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sjdiver2001
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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I’ve spent the afternoon re-arranging the furniture in Dracula’s house.

I was doing a bit of Fang-Shui.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Black_Hole_Potato
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
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I tried arranging a date with a girl at the gym

It didn't work out

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lupix101
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
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After re-arranging the bed in our daughter's room...

To my wife: "Ah, that's bedder."

Wife: [Annoyed glare]

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theshannons
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2014
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I told my wife I’m going to arrange the herbs in alphabetical order from now on.

She said, β€œWhere would you find the time?”

I said, β€œEasy. Right next to the sage.”

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
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When I play battleship I like to arrange my ships in the shape of states...

Michigan

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RontaukMonster
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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POV you're a vet trying to arrange a date with a patient

Vet: "are you picking up what I'm putting down"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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During an autopsy, why are the heart, kidneys, liver and lungs arranged alphabetically?

So they are organ-ized.

πŸ‘︎ 443
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flippantteacup
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
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My Caribbean mate never seems too bothered when we arrange to meet up;

I think he might be from the 'K Man' islands

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cnuttyforehead
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.

It is an extremely rare dish order.

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
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I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture...

But when I got home, the tables were turned...

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
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Me: What should we do about the sleeping arrangements during our holiday? Her: I was thinking of...
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tnethacker
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2020
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A large gathering of priests and nuns arranged themselves to form an image of Christ visible from space...

But it wasn't for altruism of course, they all stood to make an enormous prophet.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Phryxil
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
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circles

An ant named seg is trying to reach its anthill

A girl tries to irritate it by putting a glass over it. secant she how tangent is getting. i guess it will diameter before it reaches its anthill. it would be pretty sad for its family though, as segment a lot to them. We could just say, it couldn't escape it's circle of life. well, after his untimely death, his family has arranged a funeral for him and chordiallly invited all its relatives.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tikkarice
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
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My mother has a beautifully arranged shell-f at her home.
πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ostrantula
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
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Dating in Greece

What did Sophocles call his dating service in Ancient Greece?

Oedipal Arrangements.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/felascock
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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Romantic flour arrangement
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/amandajag
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
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I met a Dutch guy with inflatable shoes the other day and arranged to have dinner with him

Unfortunately he popped his clogs

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andysood1980
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
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Poirot arranged the murder suspects in a row in an old Roman town.

It was a Hercule line em up.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/webchimp32
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
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How do chemists arrange elements?

Periodically

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NickWilde992
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2018
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We recently hired a magician at the cemetery based on his response to how he could help combat the rising costs of burial arrangements.

"Abracadaver."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vodkashana
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
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I arranged to have dinner with a cannibal, I was late.

He gave me the cold shoulder.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrHipHopSupaFly
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2018
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Halloween party sleeping arrangements

The previous weekend my college age daughter told me she had slept in her car after a party.

This weekend:

Me (dad): so did you sleep in your car again?

College age daughter: No, we were a lot more comfortable than that. We slept indoors.

Me: Seems like a door would be a lot less comfortable than a car!

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mistermajik2000
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2013
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What do you call wooden planks arranged in a circle?

Board meeting

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wintertoker
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2017
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There was a man that wasn't allowed to fart.

Since he started dating, his girlfriend would chastise him to great lengths everytime he felt the need to fart.

After they got married, the situation was maintained. He couldn't possibly fart near his wife. Sometimes he had to leave the house, just to pass some gas.

When he was really old, he died peacefully during in his sleep while lying on his back. She called the undertaker, so the arrangements for the funeral could be made.

When the undertaker rolled the man of the bed, there was a massive fart. The undertaker looked to the now widow to see how she was going to react, but she simply said:

"No need to chastise him anymore. Hee can RIP in Peace!"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DangerASA
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
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I got thrown out of my local park after arranging the squirrels by height.....

They didn’t like me critter sizing.

πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/18021982
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
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I got thrown out of my local park after arranging the squirrels by height.

They didn't like me critter sizing.

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhiskeyChugger
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
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My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year it was bought.

It's an extremely rare dish order.

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sunken-ship-daddy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.

It’s an extremely rare dish order.

πŸ‘︎ 80
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
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I told my wife I was going to arrange the herbs in alphabetical order. She said "Where would you find the time ?"

I said, "Easy, right next to the sage"

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
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My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.

It’s an extremely rare dish order.

πŸ‘︎ 19k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I thought I won an argument with my wife on how to arrange the dining room furniture

But when I got home the tables were turned.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ubadishnard
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
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My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.

It’s an extremely rare dish order.

πŸ‘︎ 288
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my wife, β€œI’m going to arrange the herbs in alphabetical order from now on.”

She said, β€œWhere would you find the time?”

I said, β€œThat should be easy. Next to the sage.”

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2018
🚨︎ report
I told my wife that I’m going to arrange all the herbs in alphabetical order from now on.

She said, β€œWhere would you find the time?”

I said, β€œEasy. Right next to the sage.”

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.

It’s an extremely rare dish order.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture.

But when I got home, the tables were turned .

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the date they were bought.

It’s an extremely rare dish order.

πŸ‘︎ 190
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
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My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought...

It’s an extremely rare dish order...

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates in the order of the year they were bought.

It’s an extremely rare dish order.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ryannbajaj
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I told my wife that I'm going to arrange the herbs in alphabetical order from now on. She asked, "Where will you find the time?"

I said, "Easy, right next to the sage"

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZappBrannigansLaw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
🚨︎ report

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