My goldfish looked really skinny, so I added some steroids to the aquarium water.

Now things are Hunky Dory.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Aquarium owners never snitch

They’re good at keeping sea crits

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/natsirTi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Joke attempt from my daughter: what do you call an Aquarium that hurts fish?

An Owquarium!

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/skilldan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I was walking around this aquarium the other day. When I heard these 2 fish singing....

I think it was Pike and Tina Tuna.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when a lorry of tortoises crashes into an aquarium?

A turtle disaster

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheWonkyTardis
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
One day a guy went to an aquarium , but they had only one animal

it was a crab

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madscientix
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
There's a discount to get into our local aquarium, as long as you're camping, or dressed as a dolphin.

So, to all in tents and porpoises, it's free!

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I just got promoted to general manager at the aquarium!

I'm going to have a corner offish and everything!

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the Nuclear Reactor have an aquarium nextdoor?

To put all its nuclear fission.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dopenastywhale
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Why does keeping a fish aquarium calm the brain?

All the indoor fins.

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JadedByEntropy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear they closed the aquarium?

It’s for training porpoises.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HNipps
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
🚨︎ report
A power plant blows up near a aquarium...

and I had to be the one to tell my boss about the mutated eels. After I gathered all my courage, I said to him

β€œSir, the eels have fur all over them and are humanoid too!”

My boss looked so surprised, and was silent for a minute or two. Finally, he asked me

β€œFur-eel man?”

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Really Punny, Aquarium!
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Master-K1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Get an aquarium for your house.

It helps stimulate positive thinking in your brain because of all the indoor fins.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AudioSmoke
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Me and my spouse own an aquarium.

Today I accidentally set loose the dolphins.

My wife has no porpoise.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Allgen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What do libraries and small aquariums have in common?

Microfiche

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/walters89
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2020
🚨︎ report
They had to close the restaurant at the aquarium.

It had served its porpoise.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DjangoVanTango
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to the aquarium and peed on one of the specimens

The manager saw me and exclaimed "You did that on porpoise!!"

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/holyman222
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Aquarium humor needed

I work at an Aquarium. Our sister site is a Zoo, and when we have quarterly meetings for all staff members, they call the meeting State of the Zoonion.

I am really trying to come up with a comparable name for our Aquarium all-staff meeting that features some good Aquarium/fish humor. Help!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/smokyburgundy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
🚨︎ report
A guy went to a pet shop. β€œI’d like to buy a goldfish please”. β€œCertainly sir. Would you like an aquarium?” ...

β€œI don’t care what star sign it is” The guy replies.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
We were at the aquarium. All dads in the vicinity made the same joke.....

There was a man cleaning a tank but all you could see was his hand. My dad leans to me and says "look! It's a rare hand fish."

The dad next to us with his two kids said "look everyone? Do you see the hand fish? That ones my favorite."

As we walked a way another family walked up and I heard their dad say "here we have the hand fish."

Edit: I told my dad about the response this is getting, to which he replied "Wow. Is it going viral? Should I call my doctor?" (Keep in mind he doesn't know how the internet works.)

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2015
🚨︎ report
I was at the aquarium and saw two cephalopods helping each other...

It was a clear case of squid pro quo.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quibblicous
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I was at the store deciding between a saltwater aquarium and a houseplant to decorate my home. I finally settled on a beautiful fern.

I said to my wife, "With fronds like these, who needs anemones?"

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Xtowers
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Having a home aquarium is a great way to feel better.

It provides you with indoor fins

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Chateau512
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
🚨︎ report
If I owned an aquarium store, I’d call it...

Tanks for all the Fish

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sum_buddy
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2018
🚨︎ report
I went to the aquarium today! I saw many animals... And even an Electric Eel!

I was so shocked!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthony_014
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Got fired from the aquarium today...

I couldn't get along with the dolphins, and my boss said I lacked any sense of porpoise.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2018
🚨︎ report
I asked my dad to bring me a glass of water, so he pointed at my aquarium and said "you have plenty" and walked out, and now everytime I ask for water he does this
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/d1nara
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Walking into any aquarium or fish restaurant

"(I don't know),Β y’all, something smells fishy here."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Commander_Doggo_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the aquarium that is having an existential crisis?

They lost their porpoise...

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cahill48
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the dolphin-less aquarium shut down?

It had no porpoise

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dmcgee3999
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2018
🚨︎ report
The pH in my wife’s aquarium is too high...

...bunch of basic fishes.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Schmoopy_Boo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2018
🚨︎ report
It's so sad that aquarium is having financial troubles...

Some might say its floundering

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sendtobo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2013
🚨︎ report
Why makes aquarium fish so happy?

Their indoor-fins.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/superpond
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2012
🚨︎ report
An American and an Italian are in an aquarium.

The American says, "hey, what kind of eel is that?". The Italian replies, "that's a moray".

πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Drogo_thedude
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2017
🚨︎ report
I was at the aquarium the other day.

Staff members told me that the dwarf seahorse was quite small.

I didn't skip a beat, stating "yeah, he's a bit shrimpy".

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CrankTheSirens
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2017
🚨︎ report
Dad hit me with this at the aquarium.

How many tickles does it take to make a an octopus laugh?

Tentacles.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rclova
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2016
🚨︎ report
Want to go to the aquarium?

Turtley. Dolphinately. For shark. Shell yeah. Tanks, but no tanks. Water you talking about? Not on porpoise.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DaChibz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2015
🚨︎ report
I bought some new structures to put inside my aquarium and sent a picture to my parents

my mom texted me back and said, "ruined, your tank is ruined."

I texted her back asking," why? what's wrong with it. I really like it."

Then my mom replies, " there are ancient ruins everywhere. You ruin-ed it...."

I was not ready for that one, it had me rolling :) and yes I did just fill my tank with a bunch of structures that look like ancient ruins

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2016
🚨︎ report
At the aquarium when suddenly...

Kids ask "Daddy, why isn't the dolphin moving?" I reply "Because it has no porpoise in life"

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/I_FOUND_NEM0
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2015
🚨︎ report
No escape from dad jokes, even at the aquarium

I took my fiancΓ©e to the sea life centre this afternoon. In the walk-through tunnel under the aquarium, she spotted a fish which had a large wound on its side which looked quite nasty.

"I wonder what happened to it" she asked.

"Maybe it fell off its motor-pike" I replied.

Eye rolling commenced.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/carl0071
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2017
🚨︎ report
A blind man fell in the orca tank at the aquarium!

He couldn't see that whale...

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ozylanthe
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2017
🚨︎ report
I got my wife at the aquarium today

Her pointing to a Moray: "What's that" Me: "That's amore"

She was cracking up

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrRabbit003
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2016
🚨︎ report
Why did the aquarium only have porpoises?

Because the richpoises left.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DoofusMeister
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2016
🚨︎ report
You know those happy aquarium fish...

they have indoor-fins

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBeerded
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2013
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.