Appendages Puns

I'm lack-toes intolerant.

But it was a fossil arm.

Because all American citizens have the right two bear arms

But apparently it was just an old wives tale

I mean, you shouldn't. They're probably un-armed.

If your legs suddenly became upper body appendages would you find yourself becoming allarmed?

So a long time ago, there used to live a cannibal. He used to eat a lot of people. Each day he would kill a person to eat. One day, he didn't kill one, thinking it would be fun to torture him. So he tied him up and started to cut off his appendages one by one. He started with the nose, but got tired by the time he got to the ear. He ate the ear, and then went to sleep.

The next morning, when he peed, he told the guy

"I have ur ea in my pee"

(Ur ea read as your ear and urea.)