I had to have my pet centipede put to sleep this week, after he lost 84 of his limbs.

The vet said, he was on his last legs.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2021
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What do you call a cross between a centipede and a parrot?

A walkie talkie.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
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What do you get when you cross a Turkey and a Centipede?

The best Thanksgiving ever

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tikifire86
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Why the centipede is always late for school?

Because she has to wear socks.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mougy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What is a centipedes's favorite Beatle song?

I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand...

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/howiewu0402
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
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Someone should remake The Human Centipede with cats.

You can call it "Caterpillar"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
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Today I saw a giant, massive centipede!

it was 100 feet long

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VileTouch
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2020
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I caught a centipede!

99 more and ill have a dollarpede

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Harel2710
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you mix a centipede and a parrot?

A walkie-talkie

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nkiehl
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know centipedes have a faster top speed than humans.

They run at 100 feet a second

πŸ‘︎ 161
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StrikerSam
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a hundred centipedes?

A dollarpede

πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blastbeast
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Could've been worse, like Human Centipede
πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alagrr
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are centipedes so dangerous?

Because they are well armed.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2076baseballbat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2017
🚨︎ report
What is worse than a giraffe with a sore throat? A centipede with gout.
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2018
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My dad calls centipedes "wall moustaches". πŸ€”
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jordan99ash
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2017
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the centipede have babies?

Because it had many paws.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GetBusy09876
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2018
🚨︎ report
I never really minded those human centipede movies

They were pretty tongue in cheek

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fliplock89
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2015
🚨︎ report
Why are centipedes so inclined to not spend money?

Because of Centi-Frugal force.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StickyHand
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2013
🚨︎ report
This one was sent to me by my granddad... The Talking Centipede

A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede, which came in a little white box to use for his house. He took the box back home, found a good spot for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the pub for a drink with him. So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go down the pub with me today? We will have a good time." But there was no answer from his new pet… This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked again, "How about going down the pub with me?" But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. The guy decided to invite the centipede one last time. This time he put his face up against the centipede’s box and shouted, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to the pub with me? This time, a little voice came out of the box, "I heard you the first time! I'm putting my shoes on!"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wtfjen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2014
🚨︎ report
What do you get when crossbreed a parrot with a centipede?

A Walkie Talkie

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BurnedBurger84
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you cross a centipede and a parrot?

A Walkie Talkie

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DirtyDuke5ho3
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you cross a turkey with a centipede

Drumsticks for everyone

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you cross a parrot and a centipede ?

A walkie talkie

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thunder_God69
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you cross a centipede and a turkey?

Drumsticks for everyone!

^^^my ^^^dad ^^^just ^^^said ^^^this

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RoyAwesome
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2013
🚨︎ report

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