Yesterday my wife thought she saw a cockroach in the kitchen, she sprayed everything down and cleaned thoroughly

Today I'm putting a cockroach in the bathroom

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
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My boyfriend just tried to kill a cockroach with a shoe...

But he missed it by about a foot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/UnicornNYEH
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2018
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tschatz1010
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2018
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How did the cockroaches react to nuclear bombings

They had a blast

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Neon_Unstable
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
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Why the heck do cockroaches in India and Japan fly?

Because they are insects, it's a feature...not a bug.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CyberSpork
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
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My wife asked me, β€œDid you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”

I said, β€œI don’t see myself doing that.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
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Did you know cockroaches hear through their legs ?

If you pick one up and yell "RUN !" at it and then put it down, it'll run away. But if you take it's legs off and yell "RUN !", it'll just sit there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MLGCatz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2020
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Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden

When I saw her kill a butterfly, so to teach her a lesson I said, "Just for that you don’t get any butter for a month." Today in the kitchen she killed a cockroach. I said "Nice try".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NickNanu
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
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This has been bugging me

If a cockroach has sex with its sister, is it considered infest?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/O-Z-A-Z-Z-Y
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
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Me: Hello, Arnold? T-800, I need your help

Arnold: I’m not a terminator anymore, I’m retired

Me: But my house is filled with cockroaches & rats, please help!!!

Arnold: Howβ€˜s that my concern?

Me: If you’re retired doesn’t that make you an exterminator?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Temilitary
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
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The tale of Ivan Ivanavich (Long)

There once was a man from the Ukraine named Ivan Ivanavich. Now Ivan and his family were dirt poor, in fact they were so poor, that they had to sell the cockroaches and rats they found in their hovel to make some spare change to to feed their many family members. One day, Ivan decided it was time to travel to the United States to try and have a better life and miraculously he managed to get aboard a ship to the States. Now his journey on this ship was miserable, he was down in the bowels of the ship, which was flooded with rats and feces, but he hunkered down and gave it his all to survive this terrible journey. finally, one day he hears commotion above, they had arrived at last. Ivan walks up to the topside of the old ship and sees the New York Harbor. He stands there amazed seeing such a beautiful sight. Ivan starts his life in New York but he doesn't have a significantly better life than the one he left behind. Nobody is interested in hiring immigrants but eventually he lands himself a gig of selling old newspapers. He would go through garbage cans to find old papers and would sell them to people in the poorer part of town. He makes slightly more spare change, but not really enough to live a better life. In his spare time, which he had plenty, he decides to start free diving in the bay. He goes there each day, and started to get really good at it. One day, an owner of a Circus spots him diving and is amazed at how good he is. He decides to offer Ivan a job at his circus doing performance diving. Ivan eagerly accepts and begins his career as a circus member performing amazing high jumps into really small containers of water. After a few months of doing this he suggests to the owner one amazing jump to wow everyone and put his circus on top of the entertainment world. The owner contemplates this and eventually agrees. He rents a ship much like the one Ivan arrived in and placed the smallest container yet. The radio and tv crews, journalist all arrive to spectate the event of a lifetime. The hour arrives and Ivan begins his climb up a massive lighthouse on the edge of the cliff, and the ship is positioned into place beneath him. Ivan is very nervous but decides it's go time, and jumps from the massive lighthouse. As Ivan falls, he takes perfect form heading straight towards his target. As he dives a sudden wave pushes the ship ever slightly throwing off the careful alignment. Ivan hits the deck and goes straight through the top of the ship. The spectato

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Entophreak
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2017
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When I was kid, I was terrified of earwigs because I thought they came out of your ears....

.....good thing I didn't know about cockroaches!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dieyoung
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2013
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