The Mama Roach asked "What will happen to us if that human sprays us with Raid?"

The Papa Roach replied "Suffocation. No breathing."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SammDogg619
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
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Roach clips are pot holders
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Asmor
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
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Why is a roach clip called a roach clup?

Because potholder was taken.

Edit:clip,not clup.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
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What kind of glove should you wear to hold a roach clip when smoking a joint?

A potholder.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
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I went to my doctor today and told him I was having problems with my hearing. He asked, β€œCan you describe the symptoms?” I replied, "Sure..."

β€œThey’re yellow, Homer’s fat, and Marge has blue hair.”

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
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What is an app which will detect roaches creeping on you?

Mobile developers - APProach

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πŸ‘€︎ u/armourshield
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
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How much did it cost HYDRA to kill Tony Stark’s parents?

One Buck.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
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What tunes do exterminators get down to?

Smashmoth, Deadmouse, and Pop-a-roach

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zorthor
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
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When you're an entomologist, your girlfriend calls you to save her every time there's a bug in her house

Any time there's an insect in my girlfriend's house she calls me over to handle it, usually to cup it and throw it outside. On this fine occasion I observed what looked like a very small roach (Order: Blattodea), possibly a german roach, the kind that are much less freaky huge but more likely to infest a house. Not wanting to take any chances with a german roach infestation, I immediately smashed the little guy instead of saving him.

My GF asks, "what was it? a roach?"

The body is pretty squished and it's hard to see any identifiable features.

I say, "I'm pretty sure it's a Splattodea"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RobosaurusRex2000
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2017
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Pappa

Once they have finished mating, the mother roach tries to find a safe place to lay her eggs while the pappa roach tries to support his new family by starting an alt/rock band.

This wasn't his first career choice, but it is his last resort.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSmitty0754
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2018
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Dadjoked by a Cosmonaut

In Mary Roaches book, Packing for Mars, she asked a Cosmonaut (Who general spend longer periods of time in space than astronauts) How do you deal with not having sex for long periods of time.

"Married couples ask me this all the time! They say; 'Sasha, how do you make sex in space?'

And I tell them 'By hand of course!'"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SnakeyesX
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2014
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