Nine ants were kicked out of the apartment complex

Because they were not tenants.

πŸ‘︎ 233
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SkyStar1991
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I recently misplaced some of my game pieces for Yahtzee, and honestly it’s been hell, so I decided to make some posters to put up around the apartment complex:

Pair of dice, LOST.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/okaypuck
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of person has an apartment complex full of dogs?

A dyslexic narcissist

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Amphibatron
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
After the earthquake, what did the gangster say when the apartment complex fell on him?

Get off me homes!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nmoore2211
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
🚨︎ report
My apartment complex issues frog-shaped parking stickers to its residents

Because all others will be toad

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/garboooge
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
🚨︎ report
If you see a chick changing out the locks or cleaning out the pool at an apartment complex, NEVER give her a joint.

Nobody like high maintenance women.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nate4761
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I wanted a job I could do while stoned, so I got one as a handyman at an apartment complex.

Now I'm high maintenance.

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2018
🚨︎ report
The maintenance staff at my apartment complex left me popcorn to say that they completed my service request while I was out. imgur.com/GAiToyX
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/piccit
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2017
🚨︎ report
Apartment complex was filling up the pool.

Me, "how much water are they gonna put in there!? You can't even read the footage!"

Friend's sister, "you don't read footage, you watch it."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZehFritoBandito
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2016
🚨︎ report
Just tycoon things

As a real estate tycoon from a young age, I have always had an inexplicable, unfightable, almost erotic desire for the huge, residential apartment buildings that I've owned, towering over me and the whole city. My psychiatrist says the reason for this is because...

...I've always had complexes.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shaohsingjiu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
🚨︎ report
Detective Johnson and detective Smith were investigating a murder that occurred next to a playground. The only witnesses to the murder were four children, a brother age 3 and sister age 4, and a different brother (age 7) and sister (age 8).

The children all lived in a nearby apartment complex. The younger siblings lived in apartment 8D and the older ones lived in apartment 9D. Detective Johnson advised Detective Smith that she probably shouldn’t bother question 8D’s children about what they saw, since they’re too young to have a reliable memory. He believed that Smith would have a better chance of getting good information from the older children, since only 9D’s kids will remember.

πŸ‘︎ 390
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I've moved three times in six months.

I'm developing an apartment complex.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bdazz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Good pun for a stoner neighbor named Cole?

Moved into a new apartment complex, me and a dude named Cole hit it off really hard. He is very obviously a HARDCORE stoner... I wanna stop calling him Cole and start calling him something that puns off his name Cole. Any suggestions??

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KidImAPenguin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who was obsessed with buying condos?

He had an apartment complex.

πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Blickhill17
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I always have trouble living in high rise buildings with many neighbors.

I might I might have an apartment complex.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2019
🚨︎ report
In honor of my recently deceased high school English teacher

This was one of her favorite jokes she loved to tell: One day, a man was walking home after a long day at work. As he waited for a crosswalk signal, he glanced back and noticed a coffin standing down the block. "Odd," he thought, but he ignored it and continued home. He turned the corner and managed to catch a glimpse of the coffin again. This time is was closer to him... like it was following him. He picked up his pace and ran into his apartment complex. The coffin was right behind him. In a fright, he dashed up the stairs to his place, locked the door and barricaded himself in the bathroom. Thud, thud, thud! The coffin was banging on the bathroom door. The man frantically looked for something to defend himself. Just as the coffin busted through the door, the man grabbed some cough syrup from the medicine cabinet, threw it at the coffin ... and the coffin stopped.

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/biseriousjohn
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2013
🚨︎ report
Got dad joked by my GF. I amso proud.

In our apartment complex they are remodeling the stairway. They have been trying to put up this dry wall but keep taking it down due to the poor cuts. However, one day I came home to discover the wall successfully installed! Texted my GF and the following happened. Me: "Hey they finally finished the stairs." Her: "I guess they are really stepping up their game."

I am so proud of her. She will make a great dad.

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2014
🚨︎ report
I think my newly wed co-worker is practicing for the future.

(Me and co-worker discussing him moving into my apartment complex this weekend)

Me: Well are you sure you can mount a TV on it? One of the largest walls in my living room is poured in place concrete. Can't hang anything on it.

Him: Yea i checked its a stud wall. I just need to go out and get a stud finder.

Me: Just come over and borrow mine if you'd like.

Him: Actually I should probably just use [my wife], she's pretty good at finding studs.

queue: groans from myself and all surrounding co-workers

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mad_Rhetoric
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2015
🚨︎ report
I'm so not a morning person, but my dad-joke-brain is

I get up too early to drive my wife to work everyday, and this morning I bumped into the hallway of our apartment complex as we walked to the staircase...

Wife: "Make sure you open your eyes before you get to the stairs."

Me: "Don't worry; I always have my eyes open when I stare."

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLongSigh
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.