When my uncle died, he left me an apartment building he owned, but I was really nervous about taking it.

I got a complex.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jason_Boyd
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
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Someone in my apartment building rearranged all the buttons on the elevator.

That was wrong on so many levels.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/juhaodbrokule
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
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I live in an apartment building, and my neighbour, Nami, on the floor above me, managed to flood my entire apartment! There are practically tidal waves in my kitchen. She refuses to pay for the cleanup, too.

I don't know if this was the right choice, but I decided to tsunami.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KasenPringle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
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What do you call an apartment building where only Mexican men live?

A seΓ±or living facility.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/goat_chortle
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
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The janitor in my apartment building asked whether I would hang out with her and smoke pot. I said no.

I can’t deal with a high maintenance woman.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2018
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Got my girlfriend with this over the weekend....As a car with giant subwoofers drove by blaring music and shaking the apartment building, I asked "you know how you buy one of those cars at the dealership?"

You just ask for the bass-line model.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TrumpetJedi
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2017
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There's an apartment building in my neighborhood that is filled with guys who think they're Jesus.

It's a messiah complex.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elvisnake
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2017
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A friend challenged me to a pun-athon, but being an artist, he was into pictoral puns.

Some of them were pretty strange: only he could understand them and explaining the 'pun' to somebody else would take like half an hour. Anyway-

He said, "So I'll go first?"

I said sure.

I think he took "pun-a-thon" a bit too literally - he took out a marker and drew a point, and then he kept drawing this straight line (he's good at drawing straight lines) while taking how many ever steps back. I for one was concerned, because first off I didn't know how long I'd have to stick around for this, and second of all, I didn't know if I could clean the mess he'd inevitably leave behind.

He kept drawing this line! We stepped out of my living room, then my apartment which was on ground-level, and he kept drawing it. He drew his line all the way through the corridor, up until the entrance to the building, and when I kept asking him if he's done yet, he didn't say a word. I had to keep subtly reassuring security and everyone who was staring at my friend hunched over like that robot from Wall-E.

He stepped out of the building and kept on drawing his line. At this point I was trying to guess what the hell is the outcome. I kept screaming punchlines at him like "is this where you draw the line?", "are you going to punch me after this so this is a punchline?" and shit like that. There were people following us and two were taking videos and it was really fucking uncomfortable.

Right after he was outside the building and the premises, he started to draw this stunning drawing of the building right on the pavement. It was almost magical, as if he had been commissioned to make an ad for my place but for a million bucks. At this point the people who were following us didn't even get pissed off because they were so engrossed in his drawing. I was surprised the marker kept going on.

After about 20 minutes - he was a real quick draw (no pun intended) - he stood up and a crowd of two dozen clapped and cheered for him.

I told him, "Dude that looks fucking amazing, but I thought we were in a pun-a-thon. Why such a long set-up?"

He replied, "Yeah it was pretty drawn out."


(for more drawn-out jokes like this, visit r/feghoot!)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jon-Osterman
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2018
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Today my dad was making the dinner

So I come home today after a hard days work to the sight of my dad cooking the dinner. I walk into the kitchen and ask

"How long is dinner going to be"

He suddenly stops cooking as I hear muffled sounds of laughter. Slowly turning around I can see tears of joy building up in his eyes as he extends his hands about 40cm apart and whispers

"About this long"

Dammit.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BorisJohnsun
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2014
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My dad hit me with this one today.

We had just gotten back from a long day's bike ride, when I noticed that the tree in front of our apartment building had been cut down in our absence. I turned to my dad asking him if he knew about this.

Without missing a beat he replies, "I don't know, I'm stumped!"

He didn't let me leave until I fist bumped him twice

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πŸ‘€︎ u/afineguy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2015
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Dad-joked my supervisor at my new job.

He was explaining how he didn't want to sell his apartment because the building it was in was really solid;

Him: "It's just really sturdy. It has no faults, you know. It has no flaws"

Me: "NO FLOORS?! THEN WHAT DO YOU STAND ON?!"

I then proceeded to slap my leg and laugh good and hard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrSamKing
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2015
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The Greatest Infidelity Joke My Grandfather Ever Told Me.

Recently, Joe has been under the slight suspicion that his wife is cheating on him. So, one day he comes home early from work, to his crap-shoot apartment on the eighth floor, and hears her scurrying around when he enters. Almost as if there's another person in the house. When he calls out her name she hollers back that she just ran into the shower. So he investigates the bedroom and encounters a shocking surprise... a pair of hands dangling from the other side of the window sill! Those of a grown man, hanging on for dear life. Infuriated at the sight of the man who's sleeping with his wife, Joe takes the bedside lamp and starts bashing the guy's fingers until he falls eight stories onto the sidewalk. Only he's still alive, writhing and broken. So Joe hauls the refrigerator from the kitchen out the window, sending it down onto the poor sucker, killing him instantly. Now the hysteria of the moment induces a fatal heart attack and Joe himself, dies. So now, as he's up at the pearly gates, St. Peter is telling all the incoming souls that in order to gain access into heaven, they need to provide a solid account of how they died. After hearing Joe's story, St. Peter allows him in. The next man in line says that he was tanning in the sun, drunk, on the roof of his apartment building when he fell off, only to catch hold of a window sill that could have saved his life, until a crazed bastard beat his fingers and threw a refrigerator onto him. St. peter tells him that he's a shoe-in. And when he asks the next guy in line how he ended up deceased, the guy replies, "...So I'm naked in a refrigerator, right?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jazzinassazzin
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2015
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