amateur puns

See that farmer? A man outstanding in his field.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlphaAxel
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
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No matter how hard I study farming and angles, I’m doomed to be an amateur.

I’ll never be a protractor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tvkyle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
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As an amateur stargazer, my favourite type has to be the white dwarf.

Peter Dinklage is my all time number 1.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
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An amateur messed up making cheese. He had no whey to fix it.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/coffinedude
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2020
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Why do amateur tailors need therapy?

Because they've sewn terrible things

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πŸ‘€︎ u/beeefsaalad
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
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My optometrist told me I needed progressive lenses.

I wasn't sure I was ready for that, so I asked her if I could start with amateur-gressive lenses first.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/soothsayer___
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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What is a pronoun?

A noun that has lost its amateur status

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Big_Daddy_DD
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
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An amateur Irish Electrician

Green to Earth

Brown to Live

Blue to Bits

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeevesPoltergist
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
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I was shocked when I found out an amateur did the electrical work in our house.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dieksville
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
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I'm an amateur executioner...

I know it's shocking, but it may take me time to get the hang of it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
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How is an amateur singer like someone carrying a basket of eggs?

They both Carry-Yolk-Ee

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HonoluluSolo
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
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Why was the amateur poet disqualified from the writing contest?

The contest was for prose only.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/danwvining
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2019
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Before Reddit, what have been the place to keep your amateur jokes in?

Paper bin.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/caffeinum
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
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What type of goat that has floppy ears and becomes an amateur on using the internet?

a Nubian

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BoogsterSU2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2018
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Someone asked me if I'm pro-life, and I said

"Nah, I'm only amateur life. I need to reincarnate a few more times before I can go pro."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doctor_Oceanblue
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2020
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What's the difference between a group of journalists and an amateur poetry contest?

One has more prose.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fat_Hitchhiker
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2017
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My father was a U-boat captain and amateur philosopher. reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elokwins
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2017
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Probiotics are a critical part of your diet

The health of your digestive system is too important to leave up to amateur biotics

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πŸ‘€︎ u/linknt01
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
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A friend called me an amateur (jokingly) for shutting off the power before working on a broken outlet.

I told him if he wanted to muck around with a 80amp 2.4Kw 120volt dimmer while it was hot, more power to him.

(I work in a theater)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bloodnutatthehelm
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2017
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Anything except MS Paint is for amateurs.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DankOfTheEndless
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2017
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I heard an amateur cultist try to summon Cthulhu...

...but I don't think he R'lyeh knew what he was fhtagn about.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ace_dreacon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2017
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I don’t have a preferred pronoun.

My favorite noun is amateur.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
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Why do we use Protractors in geometry?

Because Amateur-Tractors don't know what they're doing!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Talon184
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
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My dad did an amateur comedy show, he opened with this.

"I'm known as a one line comedian. Goodbye!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MERENE
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2014
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What is the opposite of a protein?

An amateur teen ( Ν‘Β° ΝœΚ– Ν‘Β°)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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Im my spare time I like to fight vegetables for fun.

I guess that explains the weird looks I get from my friends when I tell them i'm an amateur beet-boxer and they come to my shows.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MattGibsonBass
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
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The stars are bright

My dad is a Navy Vietnam vet who is about to be a retired GM electrical engineer. He is retiring against his will because he has had three strokes, colon cancer, a pulmonary embolism, necrotic esophagus, renal failure, pneumonia, basically a medical shitstorm and he survived it all. In the process, he has lost a lot of memory and quite a bit of his cognitive abilities and furthermore, his balance. However, when I took out the trash tonight at nearly half past ten, I couldn't help but notice how beautiful the stars looked outside tonight. So upon returning, I told my mom and dad "The stars sure are bright tonight. They look amazing." To which my dad then asked, "You know why they're so bright, right?" Now I'm an amateur astronomer. Hell, my first and only telescope was inherited to me by my mother who got it from her father. So knowing its winter and I live in Michigan, I tell my father, "Because its so cold and dry, the star light isn't blocked as much?" His reply; "No. Its because the sun went down. So now its darker outside." Dad: 1. Me: -5.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hyperbattleship
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2015
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If somebody tries to swear, but only knows really weak cuss words, it’s not profanity.

That’s amateur fanity.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sentient_salami
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2018
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Original puns

Poetry is good for amateurs; literature is best left to prose.

I've somehow made a hobby of creating (often very nerdy) puns, wordplay, and absurdities. Some of them have been sold on t-shirts. Most of them just end up as a FB status. They are not (at) all great, but they are original, so far as I know. Now I'm going to leave them here.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/briandherbert
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2014
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I told my dad GoPro was coming out with a cheap less advanced camera so we could afford it...

his reply: what are they calling it, go amateur?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nanananana-batman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2014
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I'm not very clever, looking for some help with dog puns

So I have this app that is centered around dogs. I'm introducing a level system with 7 levels and need clever dog pun names for each level. I have a list here of the gist of what the levels should mean, but they are too boring as of now. Would love to see your pun skills at work!

  • 1: Amateur
  • 2: Junior Varsity
  • 3: Varsity
  • 4: Park Captain
  • 5: Professional Player
  • 6: Park All-star
  • 7: Olympian Dog

Thanks! :)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sherlocked_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2016
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Way too many protesters around.

Maybe we should invest in some amateur testers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2016
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Request for Donald Trump puns.

Producing a amateur stage show which features Mr Trump. He ends the show setting up a small shop/fast food /grocery shop in a small rural location.

What would his shop be called? Hit me with your puns!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Oldmacd
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2015
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Got my mom with this one yesterday.

Yesterday started a new motocross season for my nephew, so for his inaugural race a bunch of family went to watch him. I'm an amateur/hobbyist photographer so I brought my telephoto zoom lens out and my Canon body to get a few shots of him on the track. The assembled camera is about 18 inches in length. After putting it together:

Mom (first seeing it): Holy crap! That thing looks like a damn cannon!

Me: (pointing to the label) You sure know your cameras, it is a Canon!

Typical dad joke responses ensued.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Primacron
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2016
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Punning by myself :(
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bluekronos
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2014
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"Feed you," said my toddler, wanting me to put breakfast on the fork

"Feed me," corrected my wife, "Pronouns are hard," she added.

"If they were easy, they'd be called amateur nouns," I said. Got the morning off to a great start.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/coachlasso
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2015
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Our exchange student was doing math homework.

She said she "needed a protractor". I asked her if an amateur one would work. Wife has been giving me the stink eye ever since. Totally worth it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/B92JOHNSON
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2014
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My dad dropped this one on my younger sister who is in high school

My little sister was talking about doing mathematical proofs and she said "well, in the step I use a protractor to measure the proper angle, etc..."

Dad: "Well you sure can't use an amateur tractor for that!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YosefSum
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2013
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Always use Protection

Because amateur tection never gets the job done right

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πŸ‘€︎ u/waterburger
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2014
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Protractor

Not for amateur farmers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrVilborg
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2019
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What's a pronoun?

A noun that lost his amateur status.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThE_MaD_ArLeQuiN
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2018
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