The Amateurs Puns

Peter Dinklage is my all time number 1.

The contest was for prose only.

Paper bin.

One has more prose.

a Nubian

I told him if he wanted to muck around with a 80amp 2.4Kw 120volt dimmer while it was hot, more power to him.

(I work in a theater)

The health of your digestive system is too important to leave up to amateur biotics

My dad is a Navy Vietnam vet who is about to be a retired GM electrical engineer. He is retiring against his will because he has had three strokes, colon cancer, a pulmonary embolism, necrotic esophagus, renal failure, pneumonia, basically a medical shitstorm and he survived it all. In the process, he has lost a lot of memory and quite a bit of his cognitive abilities and furthermore, his balance. However, when I took out the trash tonight at nearly half past ten, I couldn't help but notice how beautiful the stars looked outside tonight. So upon returning, I told my mom and dad "The stars sure are bright tonight. They look amazing." To which my dad then asked, "You know why they're so bright, right?" Now I'm an amateur astronomer. Hell, my first and only telescope was inherited to me by my mother who got it from her father. So knowing its winter and I live in Michigan, I tell my father, "Because its so cold and dry, the star light isn't blocked as much?" His reply; "No. Its because the sun went down. So now its darker outside." Dad: 1. Me: -5.

I guess that explains the weird looks I get from my friends when I tell them i'm an amateur beet-boxer and they come to my shows.

So I have this app that is centered around dogs. I'm introducing a level system with 7 levels and need clever dog pun names for each level. I have a list here of the gist of what the levels should mean, but they are too boring as of now. Would love to see your pun skills at work!

• 1: Amateur
• 2: Junior Varsity
• 3: Varsity
• 4: Park Captain
• 5: Professional Player
• 6: Park All-star
• 7: Olympian Dog

Thanks! :)

Producing a amateur stage show which features Mr Trump. He ends the show setting up a small shop/fast food /grocery shop in a small rural location.

What would his shop be called? Hit me with your puns!

Yesterday started a new motocross season for my nephew, so for his inaugural race a bunch of family went to watch him. I'm an amateur/hobbyist photographer so I brought my telephoto zoom lens out and my Canon body to get a few shots of him on the track. The assembled camera is about 18 inches in length. After putting it together:

Mom (first seeing it): Holy crap! That thing looks like a damn cannon!

Me: (pointing to the label) You sure know your cameras, it is a Canon!

Typical dad joke responses ensued.

Amateur punner here! Unfortunately, my friends aren't fans... But I was a bit too chuffed to keep it to myself.

Here's the country pun chain we were commenting on.

"Feed me," corrected my wife, "Pronouns are hard," she added.

"If they were easy, they'd be called amateur nouns," I said. Got the morning off to a great start.

My little sister was talking about doing mathematical proofs and she said "well, in the step I use a protractor to measure the proper angle, etc..."

Dad: "Well you sure can't use an amateur tractor for that!"

She said she "needed a protractor". I asked her if an amateur one would work. Wife has been giving me the stink eye ever since. Totally worth it.

Because amateur tection never gets the job done right