A list of puns related to "Airport Security"
The pilot responds, "That's not going to fly."
...Really was the Wurst Case Scenario
Yeah, I lost my case.
Airport Security: Do you have anything sharp on you?
Dad: Yes, my brain.
They said I was in plane sight
I guess it was LAX.
TSA agent asked him, "Sir, are you aware you have a cat in here?"
And he said "Well don't let the cat out of the bag!".
I said, “Yes. I just paid $20 for a cheese sandwich.”
To keep you on your toes.
The TS-eh
I had a bag of cheese in my backpack:
Security (training a new guy): Do you have anything sharp in your bag before he reaches in?
Me: nope, it's just some cheese in there.
Security: Don't believe her, she's a liar. This cheese is clearly labeled a SHARP cheddar.
BTW I originally posted this on shower thoughts but thought you guys might like it too
To stop arms smuggling.
We were going through airport security and they made him go through the new scanner thing like this: http://www.blogcdn.com/www.switched.com/media/2008/04/image-scan.jpg
When they said they had to pat down his left arm he said: "must be too much muscle" followed by a necessary dad laugh.
Things are starting to take off around here
For example, airport security.
A guy sees a sign in front of a house:
"Talking Dog for Sale."
He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the mutt replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
The owner says, "Ten dollars."
The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him, so cheap?"
The owner replies, "'Cause he's fucking liar. He didn't do any of that shit."
A photon is going through airport security. A TSA agent asks if it's carrying any luggage.
The photon replies, "No, I'm traveling light."
He's on his way to shoot the first episode of a new TV show, but security gave him trouble when they asked why he was going to NY. He said "I'm going to shoot a pilot".
I was hanging out with my dad and grandpa this weekend. My grandpa was talking about how big the airport in LA was compared to Detroit.
My dad chimes in "yeah it's a big airport but I heard the security is pretty LAX" groans ensue
He adds "I heard when you retire from working there they give you a bottle of ex-lax"
That'll do dad. That'll do.
Back story: I work as a bartender at a bar that is right after you exit security at International Arrivals at an airport.
Had several customers sitting at the bar, and we were all talking about how Lufthansa pilots are going on strike, and there's been a lot of cancelled plans/major delays in the last few days.
Customer: I don't know what's going on! Must be something in the air.
Me: You mean there's nothing in the air.
Cue entire bar groaning. Got a few good tips out of it.
http://www.reddit.com/r/gifs/comments/1t1ntf/airports_security_officer_saves_a_baby_in_an/ce3mqjh
> Sorry, "Operation Don't Drop Baby" is always a dad's number one mission and priority. This guy must've ate a foot-long stupid sandwich for breakfast sitting his baby up on the counter like that. Source: I'm a Dad
For example, airport security.
Especially the airport security.
God!! I hate airport security.
Example: Airport security.
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