They discussed me.
You told me to stand out from the rest.
I'll have the doctor do it instead; he's trained for it.
It's an integral part of education.
Sofa Kingdom
Dotting i's is okay since it's just a dot, but t's are where I draw the line.
So I packed up my stuff and right.
......Absolutely Nothing!!
They’re practically begging to be silenced.
And suddenly I’m the idiot....
That makes two of us.
"I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine!"
The Chinese chef maliciously dumped a hot broth with dumplings on an obnoxious customer. It was a wanton soup attack....
But I probably shouldn't have married a blind woman and like to laugh so much.
.......Over my shoulder!!!
A little boy named Tom was approaching his 3rd birthday, and absolutely adored the show "Tractor Tom", partially because of his name being spoken, and partially because he loved tractors.
As the day drew nearer, his parents decided to buy him a toy tractor as a gift. The rest of his toys were gone with the wind at this point, as Tom spent all his waking hours playing with this one tractor toy.
Fast forward a few years, and Tom's now approaching his 10th birthday, with his love for tractors intact and intensified. His parents discuss what to get for him, and decide that a ride-on tractor to replace his bike is the best gift they can give him.
Tom absolutely loves the gift, and spends all of his time out of school riding around the neighbourhood while his bike collects dust in the garage.
We come forward a few more years, as Tom approaches his 18th birthday, with an only intensified adoration of tractors. His father pulls him aside on the morning of his birthday, saying "Now son, I know that we've promised you a car, but we know what you really want."
He leads him outside, to a brand new tractor with a bow on it, saying that this is his welcome to adulthood.
Tom is beyond excited, and spends the next few months going everywhere in his tractor - grocery trips, bars, classes, friends' houses.....
Again, a few years later, Tom is driving down a back country road, in the middle of nowhere, with his tractor, in the middle of a storm. The tractor breaks down, and with no air conditioning or any form of modern comforts, Tom is in a miserable mood until someone finally comes past for him to flag down for help. After this, Tom realises that although tractors are fun, maybe they're not the best transport method out there.
Tom ages through a few more years, and finds himself driving down another road in the middle of nowhere in his car, and sees a house on fire just off the road. Being a good samaritan, he pulls over and heads up the driveway to a woman running out of the house screaming "Please, help, help! My baby is trapped in there! Go and call 911, please!"
Tom turns around, then, before leaving, has a brainwave.
He turns back and walks towards the flames, saying "Don't worry, ma'am, I've got this."
He takes a deep breath in, and the fire disappears into nothingness. As you'd expect, the woman is in awe, and asks, "Oh my God, how did you do that?!"
Tom simply responds, "Well you see ma'am, I'm an extractor fan."
"She became a little spore addict."
It was a real blanket statement.
I just want to make myself clear.
Soft drinks, potato chips, chocolate cookies and candy
(Science joke)
It's unbearable!
And neither of them were planned!
She stayed down a lot longer than they do in the WWE
Sorry, wrong sub.
Atrophy
He replies “I know, this sub is full of reposts”
Next time I'll just pay for a racket.
My wife says my fear's irrational.
He’s a mass murderer.
But the pantomimes were pretty easy to pick up!
Lack TOAST intolerant.
Why did the shower head do drugs
peer PRESSURE
She is very clostra-toe-bic.
Credit to @AdamPacitti
I take steps to avoid them
Knock on wood.
And suddenly I’m the idiot.....
I just want to make myself clear.
