Found this glove zip tied to the stop sign across from my house.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KeeperOfCarl
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2020
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Everyone knows that the zip code for Beverly Hills is 90210 thanks to the show, but not as many people know the zip code to Dawson’s Creek.

It’s 90108

^...for ^our ^^lives ^^^to ^^^be ^^^over...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jakemg
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
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C.zip
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gqwidsfa
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
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If you zip-tie a stick to a ladder the ladder becomes sticky
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sandy_Paws021415
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
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My wife just put on a dress and asked me to zip it

I'm not sure why... I wasn't even talking!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mikelln
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
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When an ambulance zips past with its siren blaring: "They won’t sell much ice cream driving that fast.”
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
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Everyone's heard of Beverly Hills, 90210. But do you know the zip to Dawson's Creek?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lan_chop
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
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Why do the Soviets always forget to zip their fly up.

They're Russian

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Unclegreene
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
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I had to cut a bunch of zip ties using a dull pair of scissors

Sadly they weren't cutting it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blindboy88
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
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who can repair my trousers' zip quickly?

Taylor Swift

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πŸ‘€︎ u/one_moment_please
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2016
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I had one of the first computers that could talk.....

But this one day, the computer wouldn't stop talking, so I went out and got a Zip drive.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dickcheney600
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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What do you call someone who can conjure up compressed files?

A source-a-rar.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zombie-narwhals
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
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It helps if you sing it
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lams1d
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
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I'm technically an uncle, but my niece laughed so...

Did you hear about the Cockatiel that was trying to find a new home for his family? He zipped back and forth everywhere, but couldn't find a good spot anywhere. Then he came across a bear, sleeping flat of his back with his mouth wide open. Not recognizing what it was, he thought the bear's mouth would be the perfect spot for a nest. He gathered his family and they all got to work building a new home for themselves, but then the bear woke up. Realizing what was going on, he politely informed them that he couldn't let them nest in his mouth. He hated to do it, but it was quite the bird den to bear.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shatari
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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When I was in college, my roommate used to clean my room, and I used to clean his.

We were maid for each other.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2020
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We had an IDEA...

Back a few decades, I was working in a program with a local college in the Middle East.

The name of the program for ExPats has the clever acronym of "IDEA" (hey, I said it was clever); which stands for "Inter-Departmental Educational Adjunct". It's interdepartmental because my particular specialty not only covers field geology but also paleontology and a bit of archeology thrown in for good measure. Everyone hopes to have a good IDEA...

ahem...

Well, we saddle up and head for the Dune Sea out in the west of the country, where the Precambrian, Cambrian, Silurian, Cretaceous, Pliocene, Pleistocene, and Holocene crop out and access is relatively easy and non-injurious.

Well, we caravan out, some 30 Land Cruisers, Nissan patrol, and the odd Mitsubishi Galloper strong. We all get our maps, compasses and split up into 5 or 6 special interest groups ("SIG's"); where each IDEA has his own GPS and LIDAR laser ranging apparatus. Reason being, that there are very few benchmarks out in the desert, and even those are constantly at the mercy of the shifting and ever-blowing sands.

Since we're split into groups and at any one time, ranging up to and including some 50 km2, when a real find is located, a device called the "DIME" (Digital-Interface Monitor Encoder) is attached and programmed into the GPS for location later; it is a digital sort of low-frequency transponder, developed from technology used by offshore drillers and jacket setters where benchmarks are even more transitory.

The way it works is rather simple. When something is to be marked for later retrieval, a series of wooden posts are pounded in a triangular manner around the find and the DIME is set, programmed with the GPS and attached to one or more of the posts.

That's the theory, at least.

Everything works well, especially all the hardened electronics and computer gizmos, but attaching the DIME to the stakes is the real problem. It can't be nailed, screwed or fastened with any sort of metal contrivance as that farkles the magnetic field and causes all sorts of goofy spurious signals. Zip ties don't last long in the heat and duct tape is right out. Many sites have been lost to the shifting sands this way.

Velcro doesn't work too well, as the sand fills the hooks of the receiving piece of velcro and soon renders it useless. String or fishing line work, but that's temporary (they melt). Glue or mastic are out as these are supposed to be temporary. Even plastic sleeves don't work due to the heat out

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
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Dad joked a cashier yesterday

I bought a box of zip lock bags and when she asked me if I needed a bag I told her no thanks, I have a hundred right here. She didn't get it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scottyboy808
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2015
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The Pressure of Hurricane Michael at its peak was 1004MB.

Why didn't we just zip it in a folder to make it smaller?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tm23246
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2019
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My wife asked me if my car door was Ajar.

I said "no honey, it's a door"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bersa27
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2017
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What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk (New to the sub, hope this hasn’t been posted before, apologies if it has)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bully90
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2018
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Christmas Cracker Dadjoke

My Dad just walked into the living room with a Christmas cracker hanging out of the zip in his jeans. I gave him a strange look, to which he replied:

"What? I'm fucking crackers!"

Genius.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JakeAduro
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2013
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My dad, the comedian

So i was ask to post it here from a post in /r/screenshots/ , so i thought i'd add a story to it:

So, my father had asked me to make him a little sign up website, basic HTML format, that he could then copy and paste into a wordpress site that his Go-kart association uses. I made it, put it into a zip file, and e-mail him. I sent him a text to check his e-mail and how to use it. His response was this:

http://imgur.com/gallery/IG7mqVs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/scarecr0w12
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2014
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Minding your own business

A coworker was complaining about nosy people, saying that she was tired of people "buttin' in her business" I sympathetically replied "Yeah, they should really zip it." No laughs were had, only glares.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Norsbane
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2015
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A Dad stopped me in the middle of a thick crowd to lay this one on me

Yesterday was Opening Day (baseball) at Target Field (Minnesota). The first 10,000 or so fans received a free blue zip-up hoodie with "Twins" emblazoned on the front. It's a damn fine hoodie.

It's also packed on the stadium concourse. 40,123 attendees that day. As my husband and I are making our way through a dense crowd along the right field concourse, an older gentleman stops me in my tracks with this big grin and says, "Wow, that's a great sweatshirt! Where'd you get it?"

He was holding one in his hand.

His other hand was holding that of his wife, who was rolling her eyes pretty hard. I imagine that was neither the first nor last time he'd made that joke yesterday.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bachrock37
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2015
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The zip code for Beverly Hills is 90210. This zip code for Dawson's Creek is 90108...

For my liiifffeee to be oveeeerrrr!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Dude1492
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
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When an ambulance zips past with its siren blaring:

"They won’t sell much ice cream driving that fast.”

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EnamintRBLX
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
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