Found this glove zip tied to the stop sign across from my house.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 29
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KeeperOfCarl
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Everyone knows that the zip code for Beverly Hills is 90210 thanks to the show, but not as many people know the zip code to Dawson’s Creek.

It’s 90108

^...for ^our ^^lives ^^^to ^^^be ^^^over...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 895
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jakemg
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 04 2019
🚨︎ report
C.zip
πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Gqwidsfa
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 22 2019
🚨︎ report
If you zip-tie a stick to a ladder the ladder becomes sticky
πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Sandy_Paws021415
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 19 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife just put on a dress and asked me to zip it

I'm not sure why... I wasn't even talking!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 210
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mikelln
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 25 2019
🚨︎ report
When an ambulance zips past with its siren blaring: "They won’t sell much ice cream driving that fast.”
πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Everyone's heard of Beverly Hills, 90210. But do you know the zip to Dawson's Creek?
πŸ‘οΈŽ 29
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/lan_chop
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do the Soviets always forget to zip their fly up.

They're Russian

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Unclegreene
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I had to cut a bunch of zip ties using a dull pair of scissors

Sadly they weren't cutting it

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/blindboy88
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 10 2019
🚨︎ report
who can repair my trousers' zip quickly?

Taylor Swift

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/one_moment_please
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 23 2016
🚨︎ report
I had one of the first computers that could talk.....

But this one day, the computer wouldn't stop talking, so I went out and got a Zip drive.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dickcheney600
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who can conjure up compressed files?

A source-a-rar.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/zombie-narwhals
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
It helps if you sing it
πŸ‘οΈŽ 31
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Lams1d
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm technically an uncle, but my niece laughed so...

Did you hear about the Cockatiel that was trying to find a new home for his family? He zipped back and forth everywhere, but couldn't find a good spot anywhere. Then he came across a bear, sleeping flat of his back with his mouth wide open. Not recognizing what it was, he thought the bear's mouth would be the perfect spot for a nest. He gathered his family and they all got to work building a new home for themselves, but then the bear woke up. Realizing what was going on, he politely informed them that he couldn't let them nest in his mouth. He hated to do it, but it was quite the bird den to bear.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Shatari
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
When I was in college, my roommate used to clean my room, and I used to clean his.

We were maid for each other.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 34
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 26 2020
🚨︎ report
We had an IDEA...

Back a few decades, I was working in a program with a local college in the Middle East.

The name of the program for ExPats has the clever acronym of "IDEA" (hey, I said it was clever); which stands for "Inter-Departmental Educational Adjunct". It's interdepartmental because my particular specialty not only covers field geology but also paleontology and a bit of archeology thrown in for good measure. Everyone hopes to have a good IDEA...

ahem...

Well, we saddle up and head for the Dune Sea out in the west of the country, where the Precambrian, Cambrian, Silurian, Cretaceous, Pliocene, Pleistocene, and Holocene crop out and access is relatively easy and non-injurious.

Well, we caravan out, some 30 Land Cruisers, Nissan patrol, and the odd Mitsubishi Galloper strong. We all get our maps, compasses and split up into 5 or 6 special interest groups ("SIG's"); where each IDEA has his own GPS and LIDAR laser ranging apparatus. Reason being, that there are very few benchmarks out in the desert, and even those are constantly at the mercy of the shifting and ever-blowing sands.

Since we're split into groups and at any one time, ranging up to and including some 50 km2, when a real find is located, a device called the "DIME" (Digital-Interface Monitor Encoder) is attached and programmed into the GPS for location later; it is a digital sort of low-frequency transponder, developed from technology used by offshore drillers and jacket setters where benchmarks are even more transitory.

The way it works is rather simple. When something is to be marked for later retrieval, a series of wooden posts are pounded in a triangular manner around the find and the DIME is set, programmed with the GPS and attached to one or more of the posts.

That's the theory, at least.

Everything works well, especially all the hardened electronics and computer gizmos, but attaching the DIME to the stakes is the real problem. It can't be nailed, screwed or fastened with any sort of metal contrivance as that farkles the magnetic field and causes all sorts of goofy spurious signals. Zip ties don't last long in the heat and duct tape is right out. Many sites have been lost to the shifting sands this way.

Velcro doesn't work too well, as the sand fills the hooks of the receiving piece of velcro and soon renders it useless. String or fishing line work, but that's temporary (they melt). Glue or mastic are out as these are supposed to be temporary. Even plastic sleeves don't work due to the heat out

... keep reading on reddit ➑

show more
πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad joked a cashier yesterday

I bought a box of zip lock bags and when she asked me if I needed a bag I told her no thanks, I have a hundred right here. She didn't get it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 1k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Scottyboy808
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 02 2015
🚨︎ report
The Pressure of Hurricane Michael at its peak was 1004MB.

Why didn't we just zip it in a folder to make it smaller?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Tm23246
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 02 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me if my car door was Ajar.

I said "no honey, it's a door"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 85
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bersa27
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 16 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk (New to the sub, hope this hasn’t been posted before, apologies if it has)
πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Bully90
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 03 2018
🚨︎ report
Christmas Cracker Dadjoke

My Dad just walked into the living room with a Christmas cracker hanging out of the zip in his jeans. I gave him a strange look, to which he replied:

"What? I'm fucking crackers!"

Genius.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JakeAduro
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 25 2013
🚨︎ report
My dad, the comedian

So i was ask to post it here from a post in /r/screenshots/ , so i thought i'd add a story to it:

So, my father had asked me to make him a little sign up website, basic HTML format, that he could then copy and paste into a wordpress site that his Go-kart association uses. I made it, put it into a zip file, and e-mail him. I sent him a text to check his e-mail and how to use it. His response was this:

http://imgur.com/gallery/IG7mqVs

πŸ‘οΈŽ 31
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/scarecr0w12
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 29 2014
🚨︎ report
Minding your own business

A coworker was complaining about nosy people, saying that she was tired of people "buttin' in her business" I sympathetically replied "Yeah, they should really zip it." No laughs were had, only glares.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Norsbane
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 12 2015
🚨︎ report
A Dad stopped me in the middle of a thick crowd to lay this one on me

Yesterday was Opening Day (baseball) at Target Field (Minnesota). The first 10,000 or so fans received a free blue zip-up hoodie with "Twins" emblazoned on the front. It's a damn fine hoodie.

It's also packed on the stadium concourse. 40,123 attendees that day. As my husband and I are making our way through a dense crowd along the right field concourse, an older gentleman stops me in my tracks with this big grin and says, "Wow, that's a great sweatshirt! Where'd you get it?"

He was holding one in his hand.

His other hand was holding that of his wife, who was rolling her eyes pretty hard. I imagine that was neither the first nor last time he'd made that joke yesterday.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bachrock37
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 14 2015
🚨︎ report
The zip code for Beverly Hills is 90210. This zip code for Dawson's Creek is 90108...

For my liiifffeee to be oveeeerrrr!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 969
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/The_Dude1492
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 04 2019
🚨︎ report
When an ambulance zips past with its siren blaring:

"They won’t sell much ice cream driving that fast.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/EnamintRBLX
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 11 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.