I broke the zipper on my pants today

Now I’m on a β€œNo Fly” list

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Charzzart
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05
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A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging out of his zipper.

Bartender: "Hey buddy, you know you have steering wheel attached to your Willy?"

Pirate: "Aaarrrrr.... It's driving me nuts."

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bodyfunctions
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
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I always forget to pull up my zipper.

Because I’m always on the fly.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ismaelarvizu
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2018
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What do you call a zipper on a banana

fruit fly

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/straightweird
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2018
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Why does no one have zippers on their pants in Syria?

It's a no fly zone

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/all_three_bolth
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2017
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Levi's just recalled 200,000 pairs of pants because they had problems with the zippers.

They were dropping like flies.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2018
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Dad tried to make fun of me because my zipper was down.

But he couldn't come up with a joke on the fly.

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kopextacy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2016
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I asked my tailor why he made my pants without a zipper.

He answered, "You're on the no-fly list."

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LegoGreenLantern
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2016
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Have you ever seen a pair of jeans with two zippers?

They look just like normal jeans, just extra fly.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gormtex
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2017
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Mom told Dad to pull up the zipper on his pants

Dad says, "it pays to advertise"

His dry delivery had me in stitches. Best part is when mom said "you've heard that before, he's been telling that joke for 30 years"

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2015
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Figure out the joke yourself
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Just-Be-Chill
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
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Dad (points at my foot): your sock has a hole in it!

Me (checking my sock): no it doesn’t!

Dad: well, how did you get your foot in?

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fretlessbayouboy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2019
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Why do tv remotes have buttons?

It would be silly for them to have a zipper.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scubahana
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
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Why do Scottish people wear kilts?

Cause goats can hear a zipper a mile away.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
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A pirate walks into a bar...

...with a full-sized ship's steering wheel attached to the zipper of his pants.

The bartender says, "There's a steering wheel attached to your zipper, doesn't that bother you?"

The pirate replies, "Argh, it's driving me nuts."

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tng_reddit
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
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Why does a TV have buttons

It would look silly with a zipper

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HVIIDPOWER
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
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Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?

Because ewe’s can hear a zipper from a mile away.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ttiptocs
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
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Invention

Whoever thought up the inseam zipper was very inventive.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/godofbob2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2019
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An Authentic Dad Joke Story From My Dad This Morning

So we are at breakfast and a guy comes in with a old school red leather Michael Jackson jacket zippers and sequins. As we were leaving I walk by him and we said hi.

I said "when you came in I was going to tell you to "beat it". He said "and I would have lol".

Nope he didn't get it. His wife explained. πŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TrackBear
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2018
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I'm a dad and I was paying for my groceries when...

a university student was packing her overflowing backpack with her own purchases. She got everything in, except for a baguette and a bunch of leeks, the latter sticking out of her pack through an opening in the zipper.

I just couldn't help myself.

"Your backpack is leaking".

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shnoopie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2014
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Dad Joked My Girlfriend Today

GF: "I hate it when you wear that 3/4 inch zipper sweater, it makes you look old man-y."

Me: "I don't even know Old Manny, how can I look like someone I've never met?"

I haven't heard from her since then, 6 hours ago.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/svenislegend
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2014
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a fly?

You can't sew a zipper on a mosquito.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2016
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My dad on relationships

I wear the pants in this family but your mother controls the zipper.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bloviatingpro
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2014
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