Where are "Yes-men" and People Pleasers made?
Ah yes medical pun (putting the actual joke in the title would kinda ruin it all ngl)
you know what drives old people up the wall?
How do the Nintendo workers say yes in French?
Some people were arguing about the most important part of a kitchen.
"The sink is the most important! It's where you get water for cooking, wash your hands, clean fruits and vegetables, and clean the dishes up afterwards."
But another person said,
"The countertop is even more important. It's where the food is prepared. And if the counter weren't there, you wouldn't have a sink at all!"
The first person was shocked. They weren't expecting a counterargument.
A lot of people can’t tell the difference between entomology and etymology.
I can’t find the words for how much this bugs me.
My wife laughed, "The lottery is a tax on fools who can't do math!" I shrugged and said, "You never know! Anybody can win the lottery." Folding her arms, she asked, "Do you even know the chances of a person winning the lottery?" I shot back, "Yes!! 100%!!"
People ask my secret to a happy marriage. I tell them the trick is my wife and I go out to dinner twice a week.
I go Tuesdays and my wife takes Thursdays
What’s it called when all the smart people get vaccinated?
An old guy goes to the chemist and asks the pharmacist, "Is there some pills that can help with sex?" The pharmacist says, "Yes, Viagra, it's awesome, I take it myself" The old guy asks, "Can you get it over the counter?" Pharmacist replies, "If I took 2 or 3, probably."
Some people think that being a waiter is a bad job or the result of poor choices...
but hey, at least I put food on the table...
There’s a city where all the people have the same blood type
The capital of Taiwan. They’re all Taipai.
[Dark] Reports came out that suicide rates actually dropped during the pandemic despite people's worst fears. I guess it's true what they say...
The mighty Dwayne Johnson!
I wrote down the names of all the people I hate on a piece of paper, but my roommate used it roll up a joint.
Now he’s high on the list of people I never want to talk to again.
My grandpa warned people the Titanic would sink…
No one listened, but he kept warning them until they got sick of him and kicked him out of the cinema.
The government is using chemicals to control the people.
But not me; I'm a free radical.
Why do clocks from the capital of Italy always make people fall in love?
Because they make romantics.
The salesman at the furniture store told me, “This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.”
I said, “Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
A hitman named Arti was so broke he took a job for $5 and strangled 2 people at the grocery store
The next day the newspaper read "Arti chokes two for $5 at the supermarket"
They should make a political organization for older people who've left the workforce.
Call it the retirement party
How come there are so many people named “Smith” and “Jones” in the phone book?
Because they all have phones.
The number of people older than you....
When people ask me if i've always been in the IT industry, i tell them "No, i used to be a diesel fitter."
"I worked at a factory that made women's undergarments, and i stood at the end of the line. Every time a pair came down, id put them on my head and say dees'l fit'r."
79% of people don't know opposite words for the following.
- Always
- Coming
- From
- Take
- Me
- Down
I saw a comedy sketch on how people from around the country talk differently.
During the French Revolution thousands of people met their end with the blade of the guillotine, including King Louis XVI
He should have quit while he was a head
People tell me to stop already with the dad jokes
As we drove past Ikea, my dad began one of his rants “Why do people want Swedish furniture? The fancy closet in my bedroom was built by a good ol’ fashioned local carpenter, none of this foreign import rubbish!” He was surprisingly vocal...
On big holidays, some people will demand the world of you.
Like a good friend, I only need your presents.
Did you know that Olive branch is a symbol of peace. People were using olive branch during the history to declare truce by giving it to their enemies
If you are wondering how I know this, it's because olive random trivia
People began paying the Hawaiian volcano goddess to lie down from time to time
They're calling it a pay lay
At the beginning of the Common Era, people had no idea how to track years.
But then they did a complete 1 AD.
Shout out to the people asking what the opposite of in is.
Why don't people play poker in the jungle
There's too many cheetahs
I learned something new about cemeteries; the people in its town aren't the ones being buried there. Do you know why?
It's because they're still alive.
People who name their dogs; Bailey, Brandy, Sherry, Jameson, Hooch or other names of the likes..
Are far more likely to have licker problems
The Village People are getting ready to host a party.
Nacho, nacho plan... they've gotta make a nacho plan.
Why do people from West Russia take their time in the bathroom?
Because you don't wanna be Russian while European
Yesterday, there was a battle between the Pot Heads and the straight people of society....
Did you hear that a car full of garlic, ginger, and lemongrass ran a red light in the middle of the city, injuring tens of people?
It was a fragrant disregard for public safety.
Did you hear about the photographer that always caught people's worst features?
She was a poor-traits artist.
People might like the idea of driving a transparent car, but I don’t.
Dad, why did they cut off people's hands for theft in the past?
Hmm. I'm going out on a limb here, but I think they just wanted them to hand something back.
Fat people are always the ones to make change
Because no matter what they always tip the scales
In a world where people with superpowers make up 1% of the world population, people with two make up 1% of that 1%. These people born with two superhuman abilities are called squares.
Squares are raised to a second power.
The salesman at the furniture store told me, "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problem."
I said, "Where the fuck am I going to find 5 people without any problems?"
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