I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.
The jokes weren’t that good, but I liked the execution.
Was making a bunch of math puns and was threatened to get punched so sent this
What is the hardest part of making skimmed milk?
Throwing the cows across the lake 🥁
The two men stared intensely at each other over the chessboard, neither one making a move. Suddenly, one of the men gasped in horror and shouted, "How is this possible? You must be taught by the Soviets!"
The other smirked and replied, "Czech, mate."
I thought I heard news of a country making money out of soft pear-shaped fruits with sweet dark flesh and many small seeds...
But I guess it was a fig mint of my imagination.
There's been a lot of people who aren't Dad's making Dad jokes on here recently. If you're not a Dad you shouldn't be making Dad Jokes.
One of my cousins is thinking of becoming a Dominican monk. I think he was drawn to their decision making process.
Those Dominicans have quite the republic.
I found it completely inappropriate that the priest was making fun of me during my confession...
...I should have known, since he was wearing Mock-a-sins.
Doctor, Doctor, every time I take a picture of myself, the bottom of the picture is always foggy. It’s making me really fed up.
That’s because you have low selfie steam.
A Jewish man was making tea for a group of his friends
Everyone enjoyed the tea that he brew
I told my girlfriend I was making a car out of spaghetti.
She told me to grow up and stop being an idiot. You should have seen her face as I drove pasta.
You can learn a lot of things when making a rose garden
I learnt that I don’t feel like making a rose garden any time soon.
My wife and I are making some artwork in the name of our favourite Bon Jovi song. So far we have the words "Livin' on".
Did you hear Ben and Jerry's are gonna stop making ice cream and start their own branch of martial arts?
My friend is making a lot of easy money by taking pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.
It’s like shooting fish in apparel.
I was thinking of making an investment on a new farming venture that feeds marijuana to cows instead of grass.
The steaks will be too high for sure.
25 emails between me (film producer) and Jason (my props master) over the course of making my film RUN (on Hulu now!)
I ran out of material for the doll I was making and only had breathe mints left for the feet.
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
My friend started making fun of a man on wheelchair.
I said him "dude stop pulling his leg... It's not funny"
I went into the kitchen and saw a hurricane making a pot of tea
I thought hmm, there's a storm brewing
I have been making pencil sketches of my family and it's not exciting at all
Back to the drawing, bored
Every December, I really like making an emulsion of egg yolks, melted butter and lemon juice.
So its guaranteed to be a Happy Hollandaise
I'm applying coats of varnish to the table I'm making
My brother: Jeez, How many coats do you need? I'm sure the table is warm enough already!
I tried making an old family recipe of german sausage boiled in vodka.
It was the Absolut wurst.
I can’t believe that even after 15 years of the show ending, people are still making “Friends” references.
No one told me life was gonna be this way.
Do any of you have experience making Moroccan Rolls?
I found a recipe in a magazine but I wasn't sure about it because the recipe calls for thyme and a bunch of other spices. I had them all, but unfortunately they were all expired. I decided to make them anyways, took them to a party, and they ended up all being eaten, everyone thought they were delicious.
I guess what they say is true.
People love that old thyme Moroccan roll.
Two inventors died and ascended to heaven. There, they met each other and with their brilliant minds created a brand new form of fire making utensil.
It was a match made in heaven.
My friend asked about my secret of making the juiciest steak
He isn’t pleased saying it’s too dry.....
I just told him “it needs more thyme in the pan”
I never knew making socially awkward comments was such an important part of playing golf...
But I always hearing the commentators saying "He needs to make this faux pas"
Mom: I'm thinking of making pasta or taco for dinner. What are you thoughts?
Dad: Those are the little voices that say things inside my head.
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. Somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer. Always something more important to me...
Finally, she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.
I was gone only a minute and when I came out, I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a slight limp...
Say what you want about carrot top, but fact of the matter is he’s out there making a living as a comedian
You gotta give him props for that
My business of making T-shirts decorated with dayglo currency was struggling, so I asked my dad for advice.
He said, “I’ve told you a million times, money doesn’t glow on Tees.”
I heard a large oil company is making fuel out of bug urine...
My brother is always making fun of my truck
Apparently a bunch of comedians are making their own beer at the local pub.
I don't know, sounds like a big brewhaha to me.
I'm thinking of starting a candle making company.
My family doesn't think it's a good idea, but I keep assuring them it makes scents.
Making light of the situation
I've been out of work for a while but have just got a job at a factory making periscopes.
I thought about making a belt of watches
Then I realised that it would be a waist of time.
Making the most out of a typo
My wife was making fun of how many cavities I’ve had over the years...
I replied, “Please stop talking about it. You’re hurting my fillings.”
I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.
The jokes weren't that good ,but I liked the execution
A friend of mine is making easy money by photographing salmon dressed in human clothes.
It’s like shooting fish in apparel.
My friend is making a lot of money by selling photos of salmon dressed up in human clothes.
It’s like shooting fish in apparel.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
