a little Xmas pun
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👤︎ u/jonseyzfan
📅︎ Dec 09 2020
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Nobody liked my Xmas puns...so Rudolph you guys!
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📅︎ Jan 02 2019
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I bought my nephew 3 socks for Xmas.

As my sister in law said, he'd grown another foot this year.

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👤︎ u/VERBERD
📅︎ Dec 27 2020
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To avoid taking down my Xmas decorations...

....I am turning my house into a Chinese restaurant.

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👤︎ u/VERBERD
📅︎ Dec 28 2020
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My New year's resolution is to stop binge eating Xmas leftovers...

I'm going to quit cold turkey.

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📅︎ Dec 26 2020
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For Xmas I bought my friend a gift voucher for the opticians.

Just a little something to help her see in the New Year.

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👤︎ u/VERBERD
📅︎ Dec 29 2020
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Iron Man's favourite Xmas gifts this year were socks that fire from his feet.

He called them missile toes.

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👤︎ u/DoomRulz
📅︎ Dec 24 2020
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Bought a Raspberry Bomb pudding for Xmas. Close to sell by date.

Better eat it before it goes off.

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👤︎ u/VERBERD
📅︎ Dec 26 2020
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Teenagers are no longer getting many Xmas presents

Because they are in the noughties list.

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📅︎ Dec 12 2020
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I've just bought my son a flat piece of cardboard for Xmas.

Although what the daft boy wants with an ex box, I'll never know.

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👤︎ u/VERBERD
📅︎ Dec 03 2020
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My kid is an amputee. For xmas I got her a new prosthetic leg

It's just a stocking filler

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👤︎ u/bishslap
📅︎ Oct 20 2020
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What do you call someone who doesn't know if Xmas is real or not?

Egg-nogstic

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📅︎ Nov 25 2020
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Do you know anyone who's going to be alone this Xmas ?

Please let me know....I need to borrow some chairs.

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👤︎ u/VERBERD
📅︎ Nov 01 2020
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my dad joke i told my dad as we opened presents (early xmas)

My dad is 80.....i'm 53. My sister gave him some stockings (like knee socks) from the Vatican that the Pope supposedly wears. Don't ask why it's not important. Odd gift but anyway.....

Dad: "Hmmm.... well that present couldn't be any holier."

Me: "Well if the socks had holes in them they would be holier."

My Dad: "jesus christ" <while stifling a chuckle>

my 20ish adult Kids: <blank stare and power down look>

I was so proud.

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👤︎ u/airmark3
📅︎ Dec 23 2019
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I convinced my wife to go to the Xmas party as Sherlock and Watson...

She didn't think it was very Christmassy until I sang that "I'll be Holmes for Christmas..."

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👤︎ u/wmcduff
📅︎ Dec 14 2018
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👤︎ u/hstn747
📅︎ Feb 05 2016
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Was asking my dad about the xmas party this coming sunday

The following is my conversation through texts with him at 3:30 today.

Me: What's the address for the Xmas party.

Dad: Don't know I'll have to ask your mother

Me: What time is it?

Dad: 3:36 pm

Me: 3:36? Why not 3:37 or you know 3:35? Or even better... 3:30?

Dad: Cuz it's 3:39 right now

Me: ... What time is the party

Dad: oh you wanted to know what time the party is.

Me: ...

Dad: 3 pm.

Had me and my friends laughing so hard.

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📅︎ Dec 19 2018
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This Dad... Juust in time for Xmas decorating ,or how to get out of it.

https://imgur.com/gallery/yjl3w

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👤︎ u/ursixx
📅︎ Dec 03 2017
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Helped my wife with a few of the labels for some homemade hand scrub and lip balm she made as Xmas presents.
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👤︎ u/han_so_low
📅︎ Dec 23 2013
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Dad pulled this xmas tree-themed dadjoke on my mom today

Mom: "Dave, can you help me put the tree skirt on?"

Dad: "Sure, but I don't think it will fit you"

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📅︎ Dec 23 2013
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Xmas list
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👤︎ u/nickles69
📅︎ Nov 30 2013
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Giving out dadjokes for Xmas

My girlfriend and I were visiting her mother for the holidays. She's a sweet li'l ol' church lady, and my gf & I were expecting to have an evening to ourselves while she went to choir practice -- until she got a call from the musical director saying he was sick, and that practice would be cancelled.

"Well," I said, "I guess her presence is no longer re-choired."

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👤︎ u/nemthenga
📅︎ Dec 28 2014
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A dad joke at church on xmas eve

For those of you who don't know most churches sing silent night by candle light. Everyone gets a candle. At the end of the service my wife spilled hot wax on her hands. After dealing with the immediate pain I said...

Sorry about your waxcident!

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📅︎ Dec 25 2015
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Xmas dad

My cousin shows up for Christmas dinner:

"I brought some SERIOUS eggnog"

Dad: "Do I need my satellite radio to drink it?"

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👤︎ u/ngram11
📅︎ Dec 24 2013
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Got Dad joked at the Xmas Concert

My son played a orchestra concert at the local University xmas program, they had a reception afterwards with cookies and coffee, ect.

In line for the goodies, the older guy ahead of me and my wife turned around looking at us through the plastic see through plate and said:

"Clearly, this is a plate"

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👤︎ u/TinSodder
📅︎ Dec 08 2014
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Looking at Xmas stuff with the wife

Her: I want to make a wreath with the kids. Me: How are you going to hold them together?

I didn't even get a sigh.

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📅︎ Nov 19 2014
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Dad came up with this jewel on Xmas eve

Me: What's the opposite of "Missus?" (Referring to the label he wrote to my mom)

Dad: A hit.

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👤︎ u/rawchel
📅︎ Dec 25 2014
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My little cousin got a plush pig for Xmas, great uncle couldn't resist

great uncle: you know what they use pig skins for?

silence...

great uncle: oh c'mon, dyou know what they use pig skins for? (looking around the room at this point)

my dad: making footballs?

great uncle: no! holding pigs together! (Proceeds to laugh hysterically)

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📅︎ Dec 26 2013
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When my mom unpacked her xmas present:

She got a cookbook but a vegetarian version of a book she already has.

My mom said literally: "Oh I didn't know it was also vegetarian??".

Classic dad answer: "Nah it isn't I saw it eating meat just around the corner."

He then proceeded to laugh at his joke for a good 5 minutes. But really rebursting out in laughter ever minute it was awful/awesome at the same time.

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👤︎ u/PE_crafter
📅︎ Dec 25 2013
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