Word play Puns

I said, “That’s.....a novel idea.”

PunGent

Tried posting in Dad jokes sub and I guess it was the wrong place for a triple pun.

Now I’m outside banging and hollering ‘Oh PUN the door!!!’ ‘Oh PUN the door!!!’

It's instrumental to my comprehension.

I replied: I can’t! Im addicted, how can I quit?

She said “any means necessary”

“No it doesn’t” I replied

No pun indented.

Total pun-upper

Present progressive: It is nothing Present simple: It noth

900 ʍoɹps

A punisher

unless its silent. then its action packed

No joke.

That's because it's worth a shit load of points.

I prefer when they're pun-intentional

Because I don't, who stars in it?

So you might say I was PUNished...

RE PUN ZEL

You know what they say though, "Punny doesn't grow on trees..."

A pun-crocker

Me (Lexi): I’m so excited with these wedding photos. I can’t wait to start on making an album for them,

Dad (Alan): You can’t do that. It would have to be a Lexibum. You’re name isn’t Al.

A punishment

just got home from the first day of school (i was in debate class at school)--

dad: how was school?

me: it was good, but a few of my friends dropped debate class

dad: dropped debate? what are they, fishermen?

Play on words: Sexually frustrated sea mammals

     I'm Russ Whale. My wife Bayleen a few months ago gave birth to our first calf, Humphrey. I convinced my mother-in-law to whale watch tonight. It's been far too long. I drop off Humphrey and head home to hook up with the wife. 

I arrive and who do I sealion there? The wife. I'm undeterred. I try my patented move, the Humpback. I get a slight groan.

Bayleen: Rus, Are you poking me in the back again?

Rus: It's on porpoise. We're alone for the first time in forever.

Bayleen: I'm so tired, I haven't got any sleep with Humphrey making me into a nurse shark. Plus you smell like ambergris.

Rus: Hamburgers?

Bayleen: Yes, hamburgers. Please go take a shower or something.

Rus: Ok.

Rus takes a quick shower and returns. Bayleen is asleep again. Rus tries the humpback maneuver again. Nothing.

Rus: Sometimes... I wish I was a sperm whale.

Rus is slightly blubbering and and all you can make outs is odd noises and maybe the word 'blowhole'. Rus cries himself to sleep.

Fin.

A puns-i scheme

New Year's Day... The start of a fresh 365 sunrises that symbolize a turning point in lifestyle and spending the entire day recovering from a dreadful hangover. Like many other people in America, this relatively fake holiday is a time that I spend with my family. One of my family's many traditions (alongside annihilating plates of buffalo wings and watching college football until we pass out on the couch) is watching the Rose Parade. At the very beginning of the event, before all of the flower-covered floats and high school bands came marching down the street, there was an introductory ceremony complete with a B-2 stealth bomber flyover. As soon as they passed by, zooming out of the camera's frame, my dad leans in closer to me and says "Well I sure didn't see that coming!"

Me and my family are from Krasnoyarsk, Russia. But I've known English most of my life by now. My dad, however, is from Georgia, and thinks its hilarious to play on Russian words. I recently got a new Mazda Miata. Every Tim he sees it, he says "Nice car, man!" In Russian. Car=машина(Ma-shee-na) Man=мужчина(Mu-zh-chee-na) Get it? Nice musheena, musheena! He won't stop.

(Mom wants to walk down a dark alley way to get somewhere when we could just walk around to get there)

Me: I don't walk down alleys that smell like urine.

Dad: urine luck son, we're not going down that way.

After listening to the lyrics of "Blinded by the Light:"

Me: Those first few lines don't make any sense.

Dad: You know why they don't make any cents? Because they don't have a job.

while talking to my roommates about the fabulous acting of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, I mentioned that time he played the tooth fairy. roommate replies,

"yeah he really rocked that role"

Pungent.

I said, “That’s ...... a novel idea.”

Me: That’s a.....novel idea.