Womanism Puns

The woman simply replied, “No peer pressure.”

She sells, C cells by the seesaw.

The man, tearing up, takes his wife's hand and says, "Hi, Pregnant. I'm going to be a dad."

Then, I was born.

You can unscrew a light bulb

She asks the manager, "excuse me, do you have any flop-flops?"

She puts her pajamazon

She hopes it's a buoy

Aunt

..Dozen tit?

They both have Z-bras.

She flipped me off then hit the cow.

No need to remind her every half hour.

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."

The man can't believe it.

"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"

Naturally, they're both shocked.

"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."

Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."

They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.

"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"

The man puts down his fruit and responds,

"It's a date!"

A Hobosexual

The woman asked the doctor about her baby.

Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're both fine. And, you're brother named them for you.

Woman: No No No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?

Doctor: Denise.

Woman: Ohh, that's actually a nice name. What about the boy?

Doctor: deeply sighs Denephew.

She said, "It's a natural thing to do."

"Natural", I retorted. "She was giving him chips."

“Those are just contractions.”

Bernadette.

A blue one.

The man reply’s: “Unfortunately the stairs don’t talk.”

Me: "Why turn one problem into two?"

The man, after about 30 seconds.

A hundred dollar bill.

This is my dad's favorite joke.

Snow balls

Medusa.... One look from her, made guys rock hard.

“No” she replied. “First a Gibson , then a Fender”

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

Miss Lead!

..Y'know, because Lead is Pb on the periodic table..? All of my friends (okay fine, all one of my friends) just stared at me when I told him.. Thought you folks might appreciate it a little more...

Eileen......

What do you call a woman with two legs?

Noleen

I was visiting the Statue of Liberty. 🗽

Odette

Thank you for your cervix.

franchise.

"It's the blind man".

So she answered the door naked...

"Nice boobs. Where do you want me to hang the blind?"

Annette.

A kinder surprise🤣😂

She said it was an uplifting experience

Morticians say that she only had her shelf to blame.

As we were both on the rebound.

Then I was born.

So he gives it to her.

Bernadette.

My wife : That sounds strange.

Me : Dozen tit

The woman asked the doctor about the baby.

The doctor: Congratulations. You had twins, both boys. They're both fine. And your brother named them a for you.

Woman: No. No. No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name them?

Doctor: He named one of them Pete, after your deceased father as he told me.

Woman: Oh that's actually a very nice name. What did he name the other boy?

Doctor: deeply sighs RePete.

the judge says: "First offender" The woman replies: "No, first a Gibson, the a Fender"

Snow Balls