Did you hear about the pessimistic horse whisperer?
He was a real neigh sayer.
I told my boyfriend I might be a horse whisperer.
He replied 'I don't know honey, we all whisper when we' re hoarse'
Why did the Horse Whisperer have a reputation as a pessimist?
Because he was a famous neigh-sayer.
I’m so glad that my dad got to act upon his dream of being a lion whisperer
Upon hearing Cesar Milan (The Dog Whisperer) was getting divorced...
This is from a few years ago, but it's one of my favorite's from my dad:
"So, let me get this straight... he can train all these other dogs, but he can't keep his one bitch in line?"
Why is 'Careless Whisper' played in so many hot scenes?
It is a rather saxy song.
(At bosses funeral kneeling and whispering at coffin)
"Who's thinking outside the box now Gary?"
A man goes to a library and asks for books on paranoia
The librarian whispers "They're right behind you."
I heard this guy whispering a lot of Pokemon jokes to his friend...
...but I couldn't catch them all.
A pony went to the doctor.
It pointed to its throat and whispered.
The doctor said "it seems that you're a little hoarse."
I asked the librarian if books about paranoia were available.
She looked up and whispered, "They're right behind you".
I snuck up behind my daughter and whispered, "I think our microwave and our TV are spying on us!!! And I also think our vacuum cleaner..."
"...has been gathering dirt on us for years!"
Why is whispering in public a bad idea?
*whispers* b i o l o g y p u n s . . .
I once whispered to myself in a shout-only zone
My wife woke me up in the middle of the night
She whispered in my ear, "our children are asleep do what you want"
I then went back to sleep
I called work this morning and whispered, "Sorry boss, I can't come in today. I have a wee cough." He exclaimed, "You have a wee cough!?"
I said, "Really?! Thanks boss, see you next week!"
After making love the other night, I told my spouse that I love when the whisper sweet things in my ear...
So my spouse leaned in close and whispered..."Syrup."
A man is staying in a hotel.
He walks up to the front desk and says, “Sorry, I forgot what room I’m in, can you help me?”
The receptionist replies, “No problem, sir. This is the lobby.”
A girl fell in front of me and was very severely injured. She said "Call me an ambulance!"
I whispered in her ear "You're an ambulance"
My family and I walked into the lobby and as we were checking in, I whispered to the desk clerk, "I hope the porn is disabled."
The guy looked at me in shock and sputtered, "It's just regular porn, you sick perv!"
If you see the second letter of the alphabet
It was a lovely movie and I had a hot date, so I asked her to whisper something in my ear that would make my heart beat faster. She gave me this sly little smile and then she replied,
"Don't look now, but your wife is sitting right behind us."
While cuddling my girlfriend, I whispered "Honey, this isn't working out for me."
Then I rolled off the bed and started doing push-ups. "This is working out for me!"
You otter hear this
A stoat and a weasel meet in a bar in the late fall and have a few drinks. One thing leads to another, and they decide to leave and spend the night together.
As they leave the weasel leans over and whispers, "i see you've changed into your winter coat. So, your place, ermine?"
Smiling like a fool, lifting her veil, looking longingly into my beloved's eyes, I whispered, "A...E...I...O...U...and sometimes Y."
The priest then turned to her.
"And has the bride prepared any wedding vowels?"
I looked mysteriously at my son and whispered, "I steal candy bars using sleight of hand!"
"So I guess you could say I have a few Twix up my sleeve!"
I usually don't care what other people are saying...
....until they start whispering.
I whispered to my kids, "Have you all heard about the top secret bakery?"
They all looked at me blankly, so I replied, "I didn’t think so, it’s on a knead to dough basis."
A few minutes ago, my wife turned to me and whispered, “I want u so badly.”
We are playing Scrabble, and she has a Q that she can’t get rid off.
Be sure to whisper after a chocolatier tells you they’re out of chocolate. You don’t wanna startle them.
Two corn stalks are standing in a field. One leans over to the other and whispers, “Hey I gotta tell you something, you got a minute?” The other corn stalk says...
What is small, red, and whispers?
Me: dad would you like a wispa? Dad: (whispers) no thank you
Dad, whispering: look at that sleeping bag son!
Me: Why are you whispering?
Dad, still whispering: Stop talking so loudly! You are going to wake it up!
Sometimes late at night
I look up at the twinkling sky and whisper,
"You guys are the real stars."
At my boss's funeral, kneeling down and whispering slowly.
Who's thinking out of box now Kevin?
I overheard this guy whispering Pokemon jokes to a friend
But I couldn't catch them all
So I asked the librarian where were the books on paranoia?
"Right behind you." She whispered.
I asked the librarian where the books on paranoia are kept.
She whispered "They're right behind you".
I called work this morning and whispered, "Sorry boss, I can't come in today. I have a wee cough." He exclaimed, "You have a wee cough!?"
I said, "Really?! Thanks boss, see you next week!"
I asked the librarian if books on paranoia were available.
She look up and whispered, “They’re right behind you.”
I asked the librarian if the library had any books about paranoia.
She whispered, "They're right behind you..."
I called work this morning and whispered, "Sorry boss, I can't come in today. I have a wee cough." He exclaimed, "You have a wee cough!?"
I said, "Really?! Thanks boss, see you next week!"
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