(At bosses funeral kneeling and whispering at coffin)
"Who's thinking outside the box now Gary?"
I heard this guy whispering a lot of Pokemon jokes to his friend...
...but I couldn't catch them all.
Why is whispering in public a bad idea?
Dad, whispering: look at that sleeping bag son!
Me: Why are you whispering?
Dad, still whispering: Stop talking so loudly! You are going to wake it up!
Heard whispering coming from my wardrobe!
Voice kept whispering "I used to be an executioner in a leather jacket shop"
Turned out it was just a coat hanger.
Why is 'Careless Whisper' played in so many hot scenes?
It is a rather saxy song.
I asked the librarian if books about paranoia were available.
She looked up and whispered, "They're right behind you".
I snuck up behind my daughter and whispered, "I think our microwave and our TV are spying on us!!! And I also think our vacuum cleaner..."
"...has been gathering dirt on us for years!"
*whispers* b i o l o g y p u n s . . .
My wife woke me up in the middle of the night
She whispered in my ear, "our children are asleep do what you want"
I then went back to sleep
I once whispered to myself in a shout-only zone
I called work this morning and whispered, "Sorry boss, I can't come in today. I have a wee cough." He exclaimed, "You have a wee cough!?"
I said, "Really?! Thanks boss, see you next week!"
After making love the other night, I told my spouse that I love when the whisper sweet things in my ear...
So my spouse leaned in close and whispered..."Syrup."
A girl fell in front of me and was very severely injured. She said "Call me an ambulance!"
I whispered in her ear "You're an ambulance"
A man is staying in a hotel.
He walks up to the front desk and says, “Sorry, I forgot what room I’m in, can you help me?”
The receptionist replies, “No problem, sir. This is the lobby.”
I usually don't care what other people are saying...
....until they start whispering.
If you see the second letter of the alphabet
My family and I walked into the lobby and as we were checking in, I whispered to the desk clerk, "I hope the porn is disabled."
The guy looked at me in shock and sputtered, "It's just regular porn, you sick perv!"
It was a lovely movie and I had a hot date, so I asked her to whisper something in my ear that would make my heart beat faster. She gave me this sly little smile and then she replied,
"Don't look now, but your wife is sitting right behind us."
You otter hear this
A stoat and a weasel meet in a bar in the late fall and have a few drinks. One thing leads to another, and they decide to leave and spend the night together.
As they leave the weasel leans over and whispers, "i see you've changed into your winter coat. So, your place, ermine?"
While cuddling my girlfriend, I whispered "Honey, this isn't working out for me."
Then I rolled off the bed and started doing push-ups. "This is working out for me!"
Smiling like a fool, lifting her veil, looking longingly into my beloved's eyes, I whispered, "A...E...I...O...U...and sometimes Y."
The priest then turned to her.
"And has the bride prepared any wedding vowels?"
I looked mysteriously at my son and whispered, "I steal candy bars using sleight of hand!"
"So I guess you could say I have a few Twix up my sleeve!"
Did you hear about the pessimistic horse whisperer?
He was a real neigh sayer.
I whispered to my kids, "Have you all heard about the top secret bakery?"
They all looked at me blankly, so I replied, "I didn’t think so, it’s on a knead to dough basis."
A few minutes ago, my wife turned to me and whispered, “I want u so badly.”
We are playing Scrabble, and she has a Q that she can’t get rid off.
Be sure to whisper after a chocolatier tells you they’re out of chocolate. You don’t wanna startle them.
I told my boyfriend I might be a horse whisperer.
He replied 'I don't know honey, we all whisper when we' re hoarse'
Two corn stalks are standing in a field. One leans over to the other and whispers, “Hey I gotta tell you something, you got a minute?” The other corn stalk says...
What is small, red, and whispers?
Me: dad would you like a wispa? Dad: (whispers) no thank you
Sometimes late at night
I look up at the twinkling sky and whisper,
"You guys are the real stars."
He leaned over and whispered in her ear...
“Now blow the candles”
John Candle and Rick Candle were ecstatic
Next time someone is doing a crossword whisper...
A bald man with a hairpiece needed the restroom during a movie.
He whispered to his date, “I have toupeé.”
My daughter asked how old she will be next month.
My daughter woke me around 11:50pm last night. My wife and I picked her up from her friend Sally’s birthday party, brought her home and put her to bed. My wife went to the bedroom to read and I fell asleep watching basketball.
“Daddy”, she whispered tugging my shirt.
“Guess how old I’ll be next month?”
“I don’t know, honey.” I said as I slipped on my glasses. “How old?”
She smiled and held up 4 fingers.
It’s now 7:30am. My wife and I have been up with her for almost 8 hours. She still refuses to tell us where she got them.
At my boss's funeral, kneeling down and whispering slowly.
Who's thinking out of box now Kevin?
I overheard this guy whispering Pokemon jokes to a friend
But I couldn't catch them all
So I asked the librarian where were the books on paranoia?
"Right behind you." She whispered.
I asked the librarian where the books on paranoia are kept.
She whispered "They're right behind you".
I called work this morning and whispered, "Sorry boss, I can't come in today. I have a wee cough." He exclaimed, "You have a wee cough!?"
I said, "Really?! Thanks boss, see you next week!"
I asked the librarian if books on paranoia were available.
She look up and whispered, “They’re right behind you.”
I asked the librarian if the library had any books about paranoia.
She whispered, "They're right behind you..."
I called work this morning and whispered, "Sorry boss, I can't come in today. I have a wee cough." He exclaimed, "You have a wee cough!?"
I said, "Really?! Thanks boss, see you next week!"
I asked the librarian if there were any books about paranoia in the library
She whispered , "They're right behind you..."
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