Cries Puns

A list of puns related to "Cries"

How do you make Lady Gaga cry?

Poker Face

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👤︎ u/ExtraSure
📅︎ May 07 2021
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My dad had a piece of skin from his shoulder grafted to his nose today. I'm just glad he'll always have a shoulder to cry on.

I also told him "now you'll be able to put your nose up at someone and give them the cold shoulder at the same time"

He thought I was "very punny"

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👤︎ u/AnotherMotherFuker
📅︎ May 13 2021
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Why did the cookie cry?

His parents were a wafer so long

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👤︎ u/snoopseanie
📅︎ May 27 2021
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Why do you never see Wonder Woman or the Amazons cry?

They don’t want to smear Themyscira

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👤︎ u/RecursiveSubversive
📅︎ May 18 2021
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A guard’s boss didn’t bother congratulate him on his recent success and started to cry.

Seeing this, a robber sneaked past, and when the boss ended up being in the next room, the boss asked, “how’d you get past security?” In response to this, the robber said “you let your guard down.”

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👤︎ u/MarmaladeMellow
📅︎ May 25 2021
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Do you remember when you were a kid and whenever you cried, your parents would say, “I’ll give you a reason to cry!?" I always thought they were going to hit me...

...not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.

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👤︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
📅︎ Mar 17 2021
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Could this be a cry for help?
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👤︎ u/copingandhoping
📅︎ Mar 30 2021
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What starts with an “O” and ends with “nions” and sometimes make you cry?

Opinions

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👤︎ u/sayan_dutta7
📅︎ Feb 14 2021
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What's blue and cries?

Baby blue

(Anna, age 10, after I told her "What's blue and not very heavy?" "Light blue")

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👤︎ u/peterburk
📅︎ Apr 11 2021
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I always cry when I watch documentaries about earthquakes

They are all so moving.

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👤︎ u/dalownerx3
📅︎ Mar 27 2021
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I... I think imma cry 😢
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👤︎ u/TheWizardSquirrel
📅︎ Jan 20 2021
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If the winner of a competition cries happy tears, what does the runner up cry?

Second tears.

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👤︎ u/logansworth
📅︎ Mar 31 2021
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Do you know what it sounds like when a whale cries?

Blubber, blubber, blubber, blubber!

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👤︎ u/bushelsofbadapples
📅︎ Mar 03 2021
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what ya gonna cry or somthin?
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👤︎ u/TheWizardSquirrel
📅︎ Jan 20 2021
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What do you call a gun that cries?

A musket tear

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👤︎ u/Wippwipp
📅︎ Feb 04 2021
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What do the cats of opera singers cry for?

Oh, for tuna.

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👤︎ u/DerPidder
📅︎ Mar 18 2021
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Why did the guy with erectile dysfunction always cry in the movies

He's a softy

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👤︎ u/wushock4
📅︎ Mar 16 2021
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Studies show that the Moderna and Pfizer vaccines are causing people to cry

While this is minor, doctors haven't seen this side effect with the Johnson & Johnson vaccine.

This is thanks to their no tears formula.

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👤︎ u/salawm
📅︎ Mar 12 2021
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Good news! I made a potion that makes you cry cakes!

However the first person who tried it is still crying endless tiers!

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👤︎ u/jlionbad
📅︎ Feb 18 2021
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*This is a literal Dad Joke my father used to tell when I was a kid about 30 years ago. He's almost 80 now and it still makes him laugh.* - So, there was this man named James Fart. Everybody made fun of him since he was very young. "James Fart! James Fart" the bullies used to make him cry...

He came of age among this suffering and at 21 was finally able to legally change his name. He arrived at the government office where he presented himself:

-I'm James Fart and I want to legally change my name!

Of course they laughed at him (everybody did) but eventually they all settled and came around to the situation.

-Ok, so... your current name is.. ·chuckles· James Fart... I'm sorry, I just...

-I know, everybody has been laughing at my name since as long as I can remember.

After a long and tedious process, everything is ready.

-Very well, sorry for the delays but you know how hard this protocols are. The good news: you are no longer "James Fart", what name do you want instead?

-Charles Fart.

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👤︎ u/gone11gone11
📅︎ May 06 2020
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Why do puppets cry?...

Because of puppet tears

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👤︎ u/Raaxen
📅︎ Jan 03 2021
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What is a child most likely going to cry?

Whine o' clock

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👤︎ u/VoidyPants
📅︎ Dec 02 2020
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Grape’s don’t cry when they get crushed...

But they do let out a little “wine”!

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👤︎ u/Loveland_622
📅︎ Jan 03 2021
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My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry

So I threw a pumpkin at her

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👤︎ u/mrjaxson1111
📅︎ Nov 13 2020
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What day of the week cries the most?

Sadderday

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👤︎ u/GAMICK13
📅︎ Dec 22 2020
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Why did the pencil cry?

Because it wasn't #1

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👤︎ u/Slymood
📅︎ Sep 17 2020
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Why does a bride always cry at her wedding?

Cus she never marries the best man

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👤︎ u/SnooAvocados7098
📅︎ Nov 15 2020
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*Cries in valentine's day*
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👤︎ u/satire_scull
📅︎ Feb 10 2020
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I once sat next to a baby on a 10 hour flight. I had no idea that it was possible for someone to cry for 10 hours straight.

Even the baby was impressed.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Oct 06 2020
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cries in thirsty
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👤︎ u/Alaskan_Lost
📅︎ Mar 13 2020
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Why do I always cry when I wake up?

It’s too early in the mourning!

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👤︎ u/papserk
📅︎ Aug 30 2020
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What body of water should you never cry in front of?

The Crimea river

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👤︎ u/Anthonybrose
📅︎ Jun 11 2020
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My brother thinks he's the smartest person alive. He thinks onions are the only foods that can make you cry.

So I threw a coconut at him.

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👤︎ u/KissMyHindquarters
📅︎ Apr 27 2020
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What colour is an instruction to cry out in pain?

Yell "ow"

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👤︎ u/kishenoy
📅︎ May 23 2020
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The beginning of the book is so sad that I've just been able to cry for years...

But I think it's time to turn the page.

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👤︎ u/EspectadorExpectante
📅︎ Apr 30 2020
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I just dad joked my accounting professor and made her cry from laughing.

Someone asked about extra credit.

Professor: "I'm sorry I don't give extra credit in this class"

Me: "yeah but do you give extra debit?"

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👤︎ u/TheAugustusCaesar
📅︎ Feb 20 2017
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My little brother fell off of a toy ambulance and started to cry then someone makes a pun
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👤︎ u/JoshTheTeddy
📅︎ May 30 2019
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Why did the cookie cry?

Because his father was a wafer so long!

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👤︎ u/kickypie
📅︎ Mar 29 2021
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What starts with 'O' and ends with 'nions' and sometimes make you cry?

Opinions.

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👤︎ u/1963Jan
📅︎ Dec 05 2020
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How do you make Lady Gaga cry?

Poker face.

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👤︎ u/red_snake0329
📅︎ Jan 20 2021
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What starts with “o” and ends with “nions” and sometimes make you cry?

opinions

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👤︎ u/leolannister
📅︎ May 23 2020
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Grapes don't cry when they're crushed

But they do wine

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👤︎ u/prowlerunderrated
📅︎ Sep 01 2020
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Why do brides cry at the wedding ?

Because they never marry the best man !

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👤︎ u/The_lord_of_the_nuts
📅︎ Jun 30 2020
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Do you remember when you were a kid and whenever you cried, your parents would say, “I’ll give you a reason to cry!?"

I always thought they were going to hit me, not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.

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👤︎ u/madazzahatter
📅︎ Feb 18 2018
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Why did the baby cookie cry?

Because his mom had been a wafer so long.

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👤︎ u/MagicGuy66
📅︎ Feb 02 2020
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I just sat next to a baby on a 12 hour flight. I had no idea that someone could cry for 12 hours straight.

Even the baby seemed impressed.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Sep 27 2019
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