Watchful lifeguard
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︎ Jan 31 2021
Do you guys know where I can watch "Pun"?
It's supposed to be this new play on words.
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︎ Apr 23 2017
Just started my new job as a security guard. The supervisor told me my job would be to watch the office at night.
Iโm on season eight. Still not sure what this has to do with security.
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︎ Apr 11 2021
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"
She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
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︎ Mar 19 2021
Son is watching Netflix and the video was buffering.......
Son: Do I need to turn out off and on again?
Wife: Just stop hitting the buttons, it's frozen.
Me: No, this is The Secret Life of Pets.
The sweet music of exasperated sighs.
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︎ Jun 06 2021
True story: I was a kid, watching TV in our living room. My dad was outside using the grill. All of a sudden he bursts in the door hopping on one foot yelling โI stepped on a Bee!โ
I was so concerned I jumped up and ran over to him...
Earlier that day my friend and I who were really into mountain biking had been using really sticky letters to put our names on our bikes. We were working near the general area of the BBQ.
Apparently I had dropped one...
Stuck to the bottom of my dads foot was the letter B....
A legendary dad joke from a legendary dad.
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︎ Mar 07 2021
What do you call someone who can't stop watching films with strong female leads?
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︎ Mar 04 2021
How do you get up votes on reddit?
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︎ Jun 05 2021
While watching Harry Potter once, I said to my Dad โI wonder what the Hogwarts version of a dirty magazine would beโ as Harry was rooting through his chest of things.
Without skipping a beat he said โWhorelocks.โ
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︎ May 20 2021
I saw an ad that read: โTV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.โ
I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
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︎ May 26 2021
This makes a bit more sense if you watched Dragon Ball Super. Goku went from Super Saiyan...
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︎ May 30 2021
At the weekend, I like to play chess with elderly men in the park. But it's becoming increasingly harder..
..to find exactly 32 of them.
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︎ May 30 2021
Pokรฉmon Go!
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︎ May 29 2021
Watching the movie ' Grease ' to take my mind off some vaccine side effects, however..
I got chills..they're multiplying.
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︎ May 10 2021
What watches over a castle when the sun goes down?
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︎ May 11 2021
Did you know that 10+10 and 11+11 are the same thing?
Because 10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too..
Edit: thank you for awards, I have never gotten one before. I apologize that this is a repost, I did see it on TikTok and thought that it was cute and wanted to share. In the future I will check the sub for similar content before I post anything.
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︎ May 18 2021
What do you call a belt made of watches?
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︎ May 06 2021
I knew someone who collected watches. They'd link the watches all together into a sort of belt.
I thought it was a waist of time.
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︎ Jun 01 2021
Every Satutday night my wife and I watch 3 movies back to back.
This week is my turn to face the screen.
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︎ May 23 2021
My Dad and I watched a squirrel get spun off a bird feederโฆ
When the squirrel did it again, Dad said that the squirrel was absolutely nuts.
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︎ Jun 01 2021
I spent years learning how to make a belt out of watches.
Everyone said that's a waist of the time.
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︎ May 28 2021
Why do I always get a sinking feeling when I watch the Titanic?
Just floating the question out there.... Can anyone give me a tip?
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︎ May 03 2021
Watched the cows pick up some baby goats on their way across the field today.
I guess the kids are part of the moovement now.
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︎ May 31 2021
He gave the toy horses a home in his ___
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︎ May 07 2021
My partner and I watched Interstellar last night. She said the movie was over her head.
I replied, "Of course it's over your head! It's in space!"
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︎ May 27 2021
My wife asked me if I wanted to watch Batman Forever on Netflix.
I said, โNo, only for the next couple of hours.โ
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︎ Dec 31 2020
Was watching a nature show about whales.
How do the Orcas know how to hunt together?
They must orca-strate it.
Groans from around the room.
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︎ Apr 26 2021
I've just watched the Mexican remake of Highlander
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︎ May 08 2021
Why did the cat like watching his owners have sex?
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︎ May 20 2021
Re-watching Hot Shots 2, just noticed this jem
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︎ Apr 05 2021
I hate the word "xenophobia", it sounds so...
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︎ Apr 21 2021
I used to eat watches and clocks for every meal, but I had to stop.
It was too time consuming.
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︎ Jan 17 2021
If a belt made of watches is a waist of time...
Then a belt that has a diagram of the solar system must be a waist of space.
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︎ Apr 10 2021
I was watching Star Trek: The Next Generation on my mobile and the feed shut off.
I got a text from my mobile provider saying Iโd exceeded my monthly Data allowance.
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︎ Apr 09 2021
Watched the origami world championships last night,
It was on pay-per-view.
Bit of a scam though,
Both teams folded.
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︎ Apr 02 2021
I just watched a horror movie where an old couple is chased around by probiotic yogurt.
It was called Paranormal Activia.
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︎ Apr 30 2021
Today I donated my watch, phone and 100 euros to a poor guy
You don't know the happiness I felt as he put his knife back in his pocket
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︎ Mar 11 2021
The day I turned 42, my daughter walked up to me and said "happy...", and started timing on her watch. After a long silence she said...
"...40 second birthday".
I was so proud.
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︎ Sep 22 2020
I watched a movie called Tight Rolex.
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︎ May 02 2021
Just finished watching a film about a serial killer who dresses up in brightly coloured sweaters....
It's called 'Knitwear On Elm Street.'
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︎ Apr 30 2021
Someone knocked on my door yesterday, he was selling belts with watches on them!
I said, โIโm good thanks, theyโre a waist of timeโ
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︎ Apr 29 2021
I felt overwhelmed with emotion while watching a documentary about the Mariana trench.
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︎ Apr 28 2021
Why can't Thanos watch the Argentinian history musical?
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︎ Apr 09 2021
Iโve never been a watch person
But now Iโve got the time to be
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︎ Apr 04 2021
My boss told me as a security guard my job is to watch the office.
I'm on season six so far, but not sure what it has to do with security.
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︎ May 31 2021
What do you call a belt made out of watches?
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︎ May 14 2021
What do you call a belt made of watches?
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︎ Mar 26 2021
What do you call a belt with a watch on it?
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︎ May 16 2021
I attached all my watches together, to make a belt
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︎ Mar 09 2021
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