My vaccination appointment was cancelled because they ran out of the vaccine I need for 2nd dose.
π︎ 15
π
︎ May 06 2021
I'm on the fence about the COVID-19 vaccine, but the free stuff you can get for showing your vaccination card looks really nice.
I guess it's worth a shot.
π︎ 22
π
︎ Mar 26 2021
I finally got the Covid vaccine yesterday and as I was driving I noticed my vision was blurry. I called the vaccination center and asked if I should go to the doctor or hospital. They said no.
But they encouraged me to immediately return to the vaccination center to pick up my glasses.
π︎ 119
π
︎ Mar 18 2021
Lynn's nurse at the vaccination centre recently qualified for a sport in the Tokyo Olympics. What sport is it?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 24 2021
Just heard there is a geezer down the market selling Oxford vaccination for Β£2 each
π︎ 17
π
︎ Jan 18 2021
This vaccination VW Beetle: "The Flu Bug"
π︎ 8
π
︎ Aug 06 2019
How do you classify the anti-vaccination movement?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Nov 15 2019
Iβve never made jokes about anti-vaccination people.
But I am thinking of giving them a shot.
π︎ 160
π
︎ Jun 05 2018
Vaccinations may not cause autism, but I am still strongly against them
When I first got vaccinated I couldnβt walk or even talk for a year and a half.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Aug 09 2019
My wife took my son to the doctor today to get his vaccinations.
She text me, βhe got three shotsβ
So I text back, βisnβt he a little young to be drinking?β
π︎ 8
π
︎ May 09 2019
I dont agree with giving my kids vaccinations.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Mar 23 2019
Told my dad I was taking my 2 kittens in for their vaccinations today, he emailed me this in return
"I was thinking that when you take your cat to the vets in the car, does that make it a carpet?"
Thanks, dad.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Jul 28 2016
Vaccine puns of mixed quality
π︎ 12
π
︎ Feb 27 2021
Apparently the COVID vaccine causes constipation
When I got mine the other day they told me I had to wait 3 weeks to get number 2.
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Mar 27 2021
Why did Eminem prefer the Johnson & Johnson vaccine?
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Mar 21 2021
I want to tell a vaccine joke
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Feb 18 2021
Watching the movie ' Grease ' to take my mind off some vaccine side effects, however..
I got chills..they're multiplying.
π︎ 109
π
︎ May 10 2021
A dating profile said βTell me youβre vaccinatedβ
So my first message to her was βYouβre vaccinated.β
π︎ 15
π
︎ May 15 2021
I failed miserably trying to make the nurse laugh while getting my first dose of the vaccine.
She told me to come back in a month for another shot.
π︎ 32
π
︎ May 14 2021
Whatβs it called when all the smart people get vaccinated?
π︎ 24
π
︎ May 04 2021
I was talking to my Mom the other day and she mentioned that none of her sisters needed the vaccine.
Turned out they already had the auntybodies.
π︎ 61
π
︎ May 03 2021
My vaccine dad joke failed
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Jan 02 2021
Yesterday I received my second round of the Russian covid-19 vaccine...
It appears completely safe, with ΠΈo side effects whatsoeveΡ, and I feelshΞΊΞΉ ΟoΟoshΞΏΜ Ρ ΡΡΠ²ΡΡΠ²ΡΡ ΡΠ΅Π±Ρ Π½Π΅ΠΌΠ½ΠΎΠ³ΠΎ ΡΡΡΠ°Π½Π½ΠΎ ΠΈ Ρ Π΄ΡΠΌΠ°Ρ, ΡΡΠΎ Π²ΡΡΠ°ΡΠΈΠ» ΠΎΡΠ»ΠΈΠ½ΡΠ΅ ΡΡΠΈ.
π︎ 30
π
︎ Apr 16 2021
My mom's sister got vaccinated today
I call her aunty vax now.
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 21 2021
If you and your buddies should all get COVID vaccines and the doses need to be kept in freezers...
then you're cracking open a cold Bud-Pfizer!
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 29 2021
Vladimir Putin said Russian vaccines are as reliable as ak-47
Now, no one will refuse to take a shot
π︎ 15
π
︎ May 07 2021
I went to the doctor to get a splint for my sprained finger and instead got the COVID-19 vaccine.
I guess, I had a little vaccident.
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 18 2021
My girlfriend wanted to get vaccinated in Rio de Janeiro but instead lost all her hair
She asked for the Brazilian vax
π︎ 7
π
︎ May 12 2021
I asked the nurse giving me my covid vaccine if she moonlights as IT
because she seems really good at installing antivirus!
π︎ 4
π
︎ May 16 2021
I tried to tell my vaccinated friend a COVID joke.
π︎ 26
π
︎ Mar 30 2021
I tried to make a joke about vaccines during the trump era
π︎ 47
π
︎ Mar 13 2021
Petco has a new Covid vaccine for animals & humans. In tests, some people have reported excessive hair growth on their hands. I'm going to get it anyway...
but it does give me paws.
π︎ 19
π
︎ Apr 13 2021
What covid vaccine did Sagat from Street Fighter take?
Pfizer!
Pfizer!
Pfizer!
Sagat Tiger
π︎ 13
π
︎ Apr 20 2021
Aww man. Did you hear that Johnson and Johnson messed up the their vaccine?
Well at least they took a stab at it.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Apr 01 2021
From a friend: Krispy Kreme is giving away free donuts if youβre vaccinated.
Why not a cough-fee instead?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Mar 25 2021
My employer now gives two weeks off to recover from the vaccine.
They call it Modernaty leave.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Apr 04 2021
My wife asked, βIf someoneβs body just isnβt fighting the virus, would getting the vaccine help?β
I told her I think itβs worth a shot
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Dec 19 2020
My Dad got his Covid vaccine in his leg
π︎ 75
π
︎ Feb 28 2021
Those who think the COVID-19 vaccine will modify their DNA
Should see it as an opportunity
π︎ 88
π
︎ Feb 13 2021
After getting my first vaccine I asked the nurse what super power do I get, but she just looked straight through me.
Looks like I might have invisibility!
π︎ 9
π
︎ Apr 06 2021
Heard they are calling that Johnson and Johnson vaccine β8 mileβ
Because you only get one shot.
π︎ 126
π
︎ Feb 02 2021
Told my kid that I was taking my Mom to a Covid Vaccine event at the convention center.
They said, βOh, a mass shooting.β
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 14 2021
My wife told me to push fluids when I got my covid vaccine
π︎ 11
π
︎ Mar 24 2021
My friend found out she was pregnant shortly after getting her covid vaccine
I'm calling it the Inoculate Conception
π︎ 12
π
︎ Mar 30 2021
The Pfizer and Moderna vaccines are based on mRNA.
Could someone say that we're shooting the messenger?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Mar 21 2021
Johnson&Johnson just announced that M&M will be the spokesman for their new Covid vaccine commercial...
Cuz you only get one shot, do not miss your chance to go. This opportunity comes once in a lifetime.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Mar 01 2021
The second COVID vaccine causes a speech disorder in Spanish speakers
They keep asking for dose dos
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 28 2021
Dad Jokes are like unvaccinated children.
π︎ 79
π
︎ Apr 03 2021
Studies show that the Moderna and Pfizer vaccines are causing people to cry
While this is minor, doctors haven't seen this side effect with the Johnson & Johnson vaccine.
This is thanks to their no tears formula.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Mar 12 2021
I waited all afternoon to get my Covid vaccine in our small remote village, by the time it was my turn, they were administering them by candlelight...
Iβm really not sure how effective they are, seems as if they are a shot in the dark.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Mar 08 2021
Chuck Norris didn't have to the the vaccine
COVID had to vaccinate against Chuck Norris
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 16 2021
Just heard there's a guy down Borough market selling Oxford vaccinations for Β£2 each...
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 09 2021
I was going to tell you a vaccine joke
But some of you wouldn't get it...
π︎ 23
π
︎ Mar 04 2021
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