"Ho, ho, ho," the jolly bastard mused, unaware I'd been slinking in the shadows for days, ready to unleash my revenge. I'd memorized his patterns, followed his every move, and had set the perfect trap. Down the chimney, ensnared by my noose, and left hanging above the fireplace; I got what I wanted.

A Christmas stalking.

👍︎ 13
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👤︎ u/jeromocles
📅︎ Mar 05 2020
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What do you call a person unaware of whole wheat, whole grain, sourdough and rye?

Aloof of bread

👍︎ 12
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👤︎ u/clifwith1f
📅︎ Aug 25 2017
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In case you are unaware... Brad and Angelina are divorcing.

It's the Pits.

👍︎ 6
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📅︎ Sep 23 2016
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Giving my one year old boy a shoulder ride when I lifted him up and put him on my head...

Turned to the wife and said "Do you like what I'm wearing?" (Lulling her into a false sense of security)
She smiles at me, blissfully unaware of my setup and thinking I'm just being cute.
"It's a son-hat." I say with a grin.
The groan she gave me told me I had done well.

👍︎ 433
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📅︎ Aug 21 2016
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Why can't bikes stay upright around corners?

... they're just two tired!

👍︎ 38
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📅︎ Sep 30 2013
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Lesbian Crush

A while back there was this lesbian who had a crush on me, and my boyfriend, being the loveable asshole he is, says "she's obviously just not thinking straight"... He was completely unaware so I responded with one word: "Exactly." He had never been more proud.

👍︎ 112
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👤︎ u/Fknfkfk
📅︎ Jan 20 2015
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This happened about 15 years ago but it still makes me laugh, thanks Dad...

When I was about 5/6 I was filling out one of those "FunFax" books (Image for reference).

I started filling out the page about me and I got to the section on allergies. Unaware that I had any, I asked my dad "Do I have any allergies?"

My Dad replied "Yeah, soap"

Obviously at the age of 5/6 I didn't realise he was joking, we found the book a few years later to find I actually wrote "Soap" down.

👍︎ 7
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👤︎ u/joebell93
📅︎ Mar 07 2014
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Why don't Jesus save Romans?

They left him hanging one too many times.

Edit: for those who are unaware in the Christian Bible Jesus was crucified (hung on a cross and left to die) by the Romans.

Edit:minor text fix

👍︎ 2
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👤︎ u/Hegiman
📅︎ Sep 01 2016
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Got my mom with this one today

Sitting waiting to pick up my sister from work and she was saying how my dad is not helping with her stress levels specially now that shed been diagnosed with heart issues. I said to her " maybe you should stop taking it to heart so much" completely unaware of it till she gave me a disapproving look

👍︎ 2
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📅︎ Jan 30 2016
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Got my wife while cooking dinner tonight.

So tonight for dinner, I made a glazed ham. I've been a cook for a few years, so time at home with the wife and kids to cook a good meal is rare.

Well, my wife comes in the kitchen and asks me if I'm going to score the ham (For those unaware, it means to cut lines in it, in order for the glaze to get into the ham and keep it moist while cooking.)

I nodded, picked up my knife, stood over the ham, and as I'm about to cut into it, I yell, "7.5, too much water." Then set the knife down and grinned.

She groaned something fierce, but still loved the dinner.

👍︎ 2
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📅︎ Jan 07 2016
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Lesbian Crush

A while back there was this lesbian who had a crush on me, and my boyfriend, being the loveable asshole he is, says "she's obviously just not thinking straight"... He was completely unaware so I responded with one word: "Exactly." He had never been more proud.

👍︎ 26
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👤︎ u/Fknfkfk
📅︎ Jan 21 2015
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