One kid wanted Dad to draw Bane... The other one wanted a turkey.. Decided to knock out two birds with one stone.. (X-post r/batman) imgur.com/VrlPxcE
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blinding-Light
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2013
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What do you call a rude game bird?

A jerky Turkey!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Marine1992
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
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Today I don't have a dad joke for you. I have a dad fact. Did you know humans eat more seeds than birds?

It's true! When was the last time you ate a bird?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoMoreTerritory
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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One of my favourite dad jokes from the early 00’s: In an attempt to stop the spread of bird flu

President Bush has bombed the Canary Islands. Turkey is next!

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πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
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My wife can’t get enough smoked meats, especially smoked birds. Not me, though

I’ve quit cold turkey.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/allanon101
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
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When I asked my dad how the turkey was coming along imgur.com/Tuj1ARo
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πŸ‘€︎ u/glitter_box
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2013
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What did the baker say when he used both turkey and chicken together?

Killing two birds with one scone

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wandringstar
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
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How to birds open doors?

With a turkey

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nikhilbhavsar
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2017
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Did you hear the one about the turkey that was so big none of the other turkeys would play with him?

He was ostrich-sized.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Obknaxious
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2016
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Dad just sent this to me in an email. Happy Thanksgiving everyone! imgur.com/X8WFoid
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tangyfish
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2013
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Girlfriend's post Turkey Day Dad joke

My girlfriend turned to me last night after we had Thanksgiving dinner and told me "Well I guess you've stuffed two birds today".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elmingus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2014
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The Rude Parrot

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to clean up the bird’s vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he’d hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John’s outstretched arms and said β€œI believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.” John was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke up, and asked very softly : β€œMay I ask what the turkey did?”


I'd like to thank my friend John for sending me this dumb joke

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fred1840
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
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My Thanksgiving Confession

Hey guys. As I'm sure most of you know, it's currently Thanksgiving in Canada. This time of year for me has, in the past, caused a lot of issues in my life.

To give a little bit of background on me, I'm usually an extremely healthy and fit guy, as I play high-level sports and have a physically demanding job. However, for much of my life, my willpower began to crumble around this time of year.

I first started taking my diet seriously when I was about 12 years old. I had some kind of realization where like, I dunno, I started looking at how jacked these movie stars were and was all, "wow, I want to be that cool too." Judging by the bowl cut I had when I was 12, my perception of cool may have been a little skewed, but I digress.

Anyhow, it was my first Thanksgiving where everything started falling apart. One of my relative's families ended up no-showing for dinner, so we were left with a load of Thanksgiving leftovers. For the next week, every single meal or snack I had was Thanksgiving themed. Sandwich? Turkey sandwich. Breakfast? Let's dollop some cranberry sauce on that bad boy. By the next week, my BGC (blood gravy content) was probably at like 1.0%.

You'd think I'd be sick of holiday food after that. But no. I loved it.

The tradition of refrigerated Thanksgiving snacks continued throughout the rest of my teen years. Like clockwork, the numbers on the scale would significantly jump upwards in October, with Halloween candy adding an extra layer of calories on top. By the time I reached 17, my waist had begun noticeably ballooning, and I realized it was all due to Thanksgiving turkey. Sure, I had some at Christmas and sometimes at Easter, but never like that. My mother would encourage this habit, making more food each year to be stuffed into our packed refrigerator.

The movie star bod I wanted for so much at the age of 12 was slipping a way. I needed to put an end to this.

Flash forward to October 2015, age 18. I had made a vow: I never again would place such putrid poultry onto my tastebuds. And ever since that fateful week of 2014, my vow had held true.

Each Thanksgiving, I can feel that craving for chilled turkey knocking on the refrigerator door of my fragile ego. For three years, I've held strong. But when will the garrison fall? When will that soft, biting flesh of the big bird smash it's way back into my life.

But so far, I've quit cold turkey.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/M3gaC00l
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2018
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My dad got a ticket driving home

Dad: "You'll never believe what happened to me today driving home!"

Me: "What?"

Dad: "Well, I was driving down a back road home from work. It was such a beautiful day. The sun was still shining, a slight breeze was rustling the trees, and all the leaves had changed colors. Yellow, orange, red... just a gorgeous view. I was doing about 55, not a car in sight, when I come around a bend and see a cop car parked on the side of the road. I slowed down, but tried not to slow down so quickly that it would be obvious. I carefully drove up past the cop, being extra careful to stay centered within the lines and maintaining my lower speed. It looked like I was all clear, but then from out of nowhere a turkey jumped out in front of my car! I didn't even have a chance to brake!"

Me: "Jeez that's crazy!"

Dad: "I know! It hit the front of my car, rolled up over the windshield and did a somersault before landing directly onto the hood of the officer's car. He immediately turned on his lights and pulled me over and gave me a ticket."

Me: "What?? But that's not your fault! It was the turkey! What did he even give you a ticket for?"

Dad: "He gave me a ticket for flipping him the bird. Hahahaha!"

Me: -___-

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoopaSte123
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2013
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Dad joked a customer today

So I work as a cashier at a grocery store. A customer was buying two turkeys and two packages of prime rib, and he asked for separate bagging.

So I replied, "excellent, here at the store we also like to maintain a separation of bird and steak."

Customer laughed a pity laugh. I told everyone. My life is boring.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2014
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My dad never fails to amaze me with these.

Last night I was driving home and had a police officer following me. I tried my hardest to go the speed limit. As I was driving, I saw a wild turkey running towards the road. I slammed my breaks but still hit the turkey. The bird flipped over my car and hit the police officer behind me. The cop then turned on his siren and pulled me over. He gave me a ticket for flipping him the bird.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/goosygreg
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2014
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Friends dad looked at me and told me how he got a ticket...

Dad: So I was driving down the street and this cop was right behind me and all of the sudden a turkey walked out in front of my car and I hit it and it flipped the turkey right onto the cop's windshield so he pulls me over and gives me a ticket!

Me: Wait for what?

Dad: Flipping him the bird!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MisterInc
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2013
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Got dadjoked by a lady this morning..

Backstory: My girlfriend, whom I will call Caitlin, is an archeologist, and we were sitting in the doctor's office. She was receiving information from a nurse about a new medication she was being prescribed.

Nurse: You don't do anything with bird poop, do you?

Caitlin: No.

Me: Well, Caitlin, looks like no more bird poop for you.

Nurse: Yeah, you'll have to quit cold turkey.

I was impressed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BudBill18
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2014
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Which country has the most birds?

Turkey.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gearidall_M_Grey
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
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