Must have been hauling a$$.
It dingo.
He called it Stuck Auto.
It was a huge success and he found time to focus on his passion for martial arts founding a new school based on starting slow and building up speed. It's called Crush En Do.
It was most noticeably used by a section of the terrorist organization in the United States Capitol. They're known as the D.C. Al Coda.
Would there be a trailer?
Naturally I got pulled over. When the officer asked me "Do you know why I stopped you today?" I replied....
"Because I was hauling ass?"
It wasn't all bad though, I love grilled fish.
A pickup line
It did not pay barking ticket
They got hitched.
"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"
...or a hand.
Credit to my 3 year old.
The trailer just dropped.
A tow truck
Tyrannosaurus Wrecks
My wife and I driving to work one morning:
Me: That tow company is called E.T. Towing Wife: I wonder if the driver's name is Elliott. Me: I wonder if E.T. tows home. Wife: ... Me: You're welcome.
They're tow-tally amazing!
...and they sent a hooker.
Should've bought asparagus
It was a treadful, deflating experience which left me feeling flat and tired.
Yes it was towed to move.
This was my response to my son's question today when we passed by where a disabled truck had been sitting by the road for a few days.
I thought to myself, “This guy is heading for a breakdown.”
Me: I dunno. How heavy is she? Son: In a car dad
This happened only moments ago. You can't just softball 'em in like that, son.
A cyclist is struggling up a long steep hill on his bike, when he is met by a good Samaritan in a car. The guy offers him a long rope to tow him up the hill and the cyclist gratefully accepts. By the time they get to the top of the hill, the guy driving forgets he is towing the cyclist and heads on to the highway, with the poor cyclist ringing his bell in vain. In the meantime, a couple see them drive past their car on the highway and the wife turns to her husband:
"Wow, that car's going pretty fast, isn't it?" The husband replies, "the car?! Look at the cyclist behind him! He's going so fast he's ringing the bell to get the car to move out of the way!"
A strangers car broke down and they left it in our yard for a week and a half, leaving no name or contact information. After making several attempts on social media to find these people to come get their vehicle, I finally had to call the local police station to ask them to take care of it.
An officer came and he talked about putting a 72 hour notice sticker on it and then having it towed. At the mention of stickers my 6 year old blurted, "oh! Stickers! Can I have one?!" The policeman asked if my boy could come to the cruiser to get a few stickers. I said, "sure but, kid, are you sure? After 72 hours they will tow you away!" My boy groaned "moooommmm...." but at least the officer laughed.
A foot!
Chris P. Cream
Chris P. Bacon
Pete Zah
Barbie Q.
Q. Cumber
Okra Winfrey
Tom A. Tow
Zach N. Cheese
Drew Brie's
May N. Ace
Tuna Turner
Drew Berry
Parma Shawn
Towed.
Too.
Dad: what’d they say? Me: they’ll pay me for the tow Dad: why do they want your big toe?
To give a little background: My dad was a truck driver at the time, and he never saw something on the side of the road or that had a "free" sign on it that he could drive by without at least taking a look. My brother in law was a sheriff's deputy. He told this joke to my neighbor, I will try to do it justice.
My dad, his dispatcher(DIS), and lady neighbor(LN) are outside talking and it goes something like this:
Dad: Ugh, What a f--king week. I can not believe it.
LN: What happened?
Dad: I was in Georgia and I saw this cooler in the far corner of the rest area, just as you're about to leave. I looked around and I didn't see anyone... So I figured someone had forgotten it on their picnic... It was a nice ass cooler too. Igloo brand with the heavy duty wheels. It was beautiful.
LN: Let me guess, you took it and the food that was in it?
Dad: Oh god I wish, It was a nice cooler. So, I go over and I'm still looking around in case the owners are still there. So I get to the cooler and I'm thinking "jackpot." The outside looks amazing. So, I go to open it up to see if whatever is inside is salvageable or if i needed to throw it out. I open it up and I jumped back and screamed.
LN: What was in it?
Dad: FEET. HUMAN FEET. I'm thinking what the hell did I just stu...
LN: NU-UH, ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!?!
Dad: YES I'M SERIOUS.. So by this time, I'm seriously freaking out and I have no clue what to do. I nearly passed the f--k out. I had no idea what I should do.
LN: (with her hands over her mouth in horror) OMG, WHAT DID YOU DO?
Dad: Well, you know my son-in-law is a police officer in Florida..
LN: mmhmm
Dad: Well, I didn't know what to do so I called him.
LN: What did he tell you to do?!
Dad: Call a tow truck.
LN: ....what?
Dad: Get it, toe truck?!
LN: YOU'RE SUCH AN ASS. OMG I HATE YOU.
DIS: Oh, look at that, M*****, I just got word from the office that you're up for this month's random drug test.
Edit: Formatting errors, sorry guys!
Call a toe (tow) truck!
