What do you call a row of 5 tow trucks?

A foot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/linkvideo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
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Get it, 'cause it's a tow truck? v.redd.it/jhzjiwg10lk41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Wheat_Thins
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2020
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Did you hear about the 2 Tow Truck drivers who wanted to elope?

They got hitched.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/acherem13
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
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What's bigger than a tow truck?

A foot truck!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kori_a
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
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This slogan on a tow truck.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/purplelefint
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2018
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What did the triceratops tow with his tow truck?

Tyrannosaurus Wrecks

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ComeFindMeGilbert
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
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I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck... It was a camel tow
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
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I'm upset. I called for a tow truck...

...and they sent a hooker.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotted_Lady
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2018
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I got a nail in my tire coming home from the grocery store. My meat, milk, icecream... Absolutely ruined while waiting on a tow truck!

Should've bought asparagus

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tj_xraybanvision
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2018
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Have you seen one of those tow trucks before?

They're tow-tally amazing!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/3lite_9ner1
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
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Pulled into my job site (tow truck)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NavyDragons
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2018
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I was driving this morning when I saw this tow truck driver sobbing uncontrollably and looking miserable.

I thought to myself, β€œThis guy is heading for a breakdown.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2018
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If you were to line five tow trucks up, how long would it be?

A foot!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DinosaurRigby9
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2016
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Child stubs toe- Thoughtful Dad says- " Better call a tow truck" Every.Single.Time. imgur.com/6GXxPz5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chadt5382
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2013
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On the way to work, I saw the Channel 13 news truck getting towed.

I guess they really wanted that breaking news.

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πŸ“…︎ May 28 2021
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What do you call a truck towing a smaller truck?

A mother trucker

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πŸ‘€︎ u/decentname99
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
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What is a con artist's truck towed with?

A pickup line

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BrotherTausil
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
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Saw a truck towing a horse trailer pulled over by the police

Must have been hauling a$$.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mullet0ver
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
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a little Xmas pun
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jonseyzfan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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Did that truck get towed?

Yes it was towed to move.

This was my response to my son's question today when we passed by where a disabled truck had been sitting by the road for a few days.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/withaph64
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2018
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My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."

"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
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Who do you call when you break your toe?

A tow truck

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πŸ‘€︎ u/captaincapsaycin
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
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My son just asked me, "Can we pick my friend up?"

Me: I dunno. How heavy is she? Son: In a car dad

This happened only moments ago. You can't just softball 'em in like that, son.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/89iroc
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2020
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What’s the Podiatrist’s favorite vehicle?

A tow truck

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pscud
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
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The Joke that caused my dad to be "randomly selected for a drug test" at work.

To give a little background: My dad was a truck driver at the time, and he never saw something on the side of the road or that had a "free" sign on it that he could drive by without at least taking a look. My brother in law was a sheriff's deputy. He told this joke to my neighbor, I will try to do it justice.

My dad, his dispatcher(DIS), and lady neighbor(LN) are outside talking and it goes something like this:

Dad: Ugh, What a f--king week. I can not believe it.

LN: What happened?

Dad: I was in Georgia and I saw this cooler in the far corner of the rest area, just as you're about to leave. I looked around and I didn't see anyone... So I figured someone had forgotten it on their picnic... It was a nice ass cooler too. Igloo brand with the heavy duty wheels. It was beautiful.

LN: Let me guess, you took it and the food that was in it?

Dad: Oh god I wish, It was a nice cooler. So, I go over and I'm still looking around in case the owners are still there. So I get to the cooler and I'm thinking "jackpot." The outside looks amazing. So, I go to open it up to see if whatever is inside is salvageable or if i needed to throw it out. I open it up and I jumped back and screamed.

LN: What was in it?

Dad: FEET. HUMAN FEET. I'm thinking what the hell did I just stu...

LN: NU-UH, ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!?!

Dad: YES I'M SERIOUS.. So by this time, I'm seriously freaking out and I have no clue what to do. I nearly passed the f--k out. I had no idea what I should do.

LN: (with her hands over her mouth in horror) OMG, WHAT DID YOU DO?

Dad: Well, you know my son-in-law is a police officer in Florida..

LN: mmhmm

Dad: Well, I didn't know what to do so I called him.

LN: What did he tell you to do?!

Dad: Call a tow truck.

LN: ....what?

Dad: Get it, toe truck?!

LN: YOU'RE SUCH AN ASS. OMG I HATE YOU.

DIS: Oh, look at that, M*****, I just got word from the office that you're up for this month's random drug test.

Edit: Formatting errors, sorry guys!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/heythereanny
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2015
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I was given a perfect set-up last night.

Last night my two year old says to me "Daddy, my toe hurts"

"That's too bad buddy," I reply. "Do you want me to call a tow truck for you?"

Then I laughed like a goon while my wife made a disgusted face at me.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2014
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Like father, like son.

A few days ago my wife had a friend over. She was playing with our 4 year old son building Lego. They were building a tow truck. The next step was to put the wheels on. Our friend went to the next step and noticed he had already done it.

"wow, you're on the ball."

To which he responds "No, I'm on a roll." as he rolls the car back and forth on the table.

Such a proud moment for me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gameslasher
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2018
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Dad my toe hurts!

At dinner last night, my 7yo daughter bangs her foot against the table leg, starts whining.

"DAD My toe hurts!"

To which I reply in a hasty voice, "Oh NO! SOMEBODY QUICK Call a Tow Truck!"

She did not want to laugh. She tried to stay serious. I won.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/n0ds
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2014
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Did you hear about the guy who had his foot ran over on the highway changing his flat tire?

It was a horrible accident. They even had to call a Tow Truck

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πŸ‘€︎ u/realdealneal18
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2018
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Every damn time...

*I stub my toe.

Me- "Ow, my toe!"

Dad- "Better call a tow truck!"

Dad- "Heh, never gets old."

But does it?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolverm
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2016
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My Dad's signature longform joke

My Dad loves to tell this joke when he meets new people. When he met my fiance, I led him into it and he took the bait seamlessly.

"I went out to check my mail and saw my neighbor mowing his lawn. As I was going back inside, I heard the mower mess up and him screaming. I ran over and saw he had run over his foot. It was terrible, he had been wearing flip flops. His big toe was cut off and his foot was very bloody. I immediately called 911, then yelled for my wife to help. I used my shirt to wrap up his bloody foot up and saw that his big toe was lying a few feet away in the grass clippings. I told my wife to bring me our cooler with an ice pack, then I put the toe in the cooler. A few minutes later the ambulance arrived, and they rushed him off to the hospital. I was quite relieved but as I turned to go back inside, I realized the EMTs forgot the cooler."

At this point he pauses for a long time, and the listener invariably cries, "What did you do!?"

He takes a moment, and calmly responds, 'Well, I called a tow truck!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/budgeroo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2013
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Dad joke backfire.

So I am divorced. My kids live in a different state than me at this time. This morning I called to talk to my daughter (5) about her getting into cheerleading. About halfway through the conversation, I dropped an old gem from my Dad. It ruined the phone call.

Me : "Hey baby girl, you wanna hear a story"

Her : "What now?"

Me : (giggling inside because the tone in her voice already said " FUCK, walked right into this.")

"I was driving to work the other day and an ambulance drove past me fast and a side door opened up. A box fell out, so I stopped to get it. Guess what was in it baby girl?"

Her : "What?"

Me : "A human toe."

Her : falling for it. Dad's know this sound in the voice.

"Eeeewwww. Then what?"

Me : "I called the tow truck!" FUCKING BOOM

Her : "Ok I'm hanging up now, byeeeeeeeeeieeee."

And she really hung up. I love to think she is cursing me in her little head right now...but she'll use it later. They always do.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pimpnocchio
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2015
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A dad joke, taken too far.

Back in the late 80's, my dad had a joke he loved to tell everyone he met. It went something like this:

I was driving down the road and ended up behind this ambulance with its rear door open. I tried honking and flashing my lights to get their attention about it, but they didn't seem to notice. As they turned the corner away from us, a small cooler fell out. I pulled over to rescue the cooler, and when I opened it, I found a human toe, on ice.

At this point, the victim of the joke is supposed to ask what he did with the toe. He responds with "I called the Tow Truck!" and hearty laughter.

Being the 1980's, e-mail wasn't prevalent, and calling long distance could get expensive, so he communicated with his out of state family primarily through mailed letters. He wrote this joke (sans punchline) in a letter to his mom. Not knowing it was a joke, she told the story to her friends and family. My aunt heard this story, and told it to her classes (she's a teacher) and one of her students actually got in a fight with his mom who said that could never happen.

A month or two later, we were getting together for a holiday and the toe story came up in conversation. My dad replied that he called the tow truck, and his laughter was met with horrified stares. By this time, nearly everyone in the small town was enthralled with this amazing story that my grandma had told about her son who lived in the city. She was imagining all of the people she had to contact to tell the real story to. Many took it in stride, but others were quite annoyed. Especially my aunt, who had to apologize to every one of her classes at school.

TLDR: A dad joke with no punch line doesn't belong in a letter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/freakmn
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2014
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Dad joke Business

We'll give you a hand...if you give us your tows.

  • honest to God, that is a legitimate business slogan of the local tow truck company.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tanaka_Sensei
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2017
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A dad joke story

Jim was working hard sawing wood. It was hot, his hands slippery with sweat and the saw slipped from his fingers and cut off all of his toes. No ambulences were available so he called a toe truck, but he got there too late. His toes could no longer be reattached. He could not walk right, so he could not work. He got workers comp but it wasn't enough. Worst of all, his wife was lack toes intolerant. She filed for separation. He looked online for solutions to his problems and found a post telling him where he may find an answer. It said "Go to the forest late at night and wait in the glade. There you will find the Great Toed. He is wise in these matters." Having nothing to lose he followed the instructions and reached the glade spoken of. There was a line drawn that said "wait here." And wait he did for over an hour, and just as he was about to leave, a many toed toad toed the other side of the line with a bag in tow. "Ask your question," it said in a raspy voice. So Jim related his tale of toe woes. After listening the many toed toad replied "Have you tried the supermarket?" Jim wondered how a supermarket would help but decided to give it a try. He went the next morning and walked down aisle after aisle and then he found it: The supermarket was giving away free toes. Elated, he grabbed as many bags of them as he could and checked each one. He found enough that fit, but needed to attach them. He went back to the glade for help getting the new toes attached, and the toad was happy to help. He helped attach the new toes and jim ran off (little did Jim know that the toad croaked soon after) He was able to walk normal again, his wife came back, he got his job back and everyone lived happily ever after.

Oh the punch line? It's over there by the table.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2017
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My boss told me that his father has to return to the hospital to have his big toe amputated…

I asked my boss how his father is getting back to the hospital, and if he needs me to call a tow truck.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SinkSaunders
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2017
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A car salesman is trying to sell a truck

A car salesman is trying to sell a truck, and finally someone comes onto his lot looking for a large work truck. The saleman greets the man, and the man immediately explains his need. The salesman directs him over to the truck. The man begins looking over this truck, scrutinizing ever detail. Eventually he turns to the salesman and says "the truck looks fantastic. Because i need to tow a lot of heavy equipment, i will not be buying the truck". The saleman is floored. "But sir, the truck has a wonderful engine, big enough to haul some of the heaviest of trailers and loads!" The man replies "yes, but theres just one small hitch".

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2015
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Whenever I stubbed my toe growing up...

-" You need a Tow Truck!?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rstates
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2014
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gay bar dad joke

So my dad, and I were driving and we past a gay bar in my town. My father noted that there was a tow-truck in their parking lot, and with the biggest shit eating grin on his face he said "It looks like someone got rear-ended."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_aquacats
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2014
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My granddad's only and favorite joke

What did the elephant do when he broke his toe?

He called the tow truck.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2015
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What do you do when you get your toe stuck in the mud?

Call a toe (tow) truck!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joanneshands
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
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