I just heard it's National Orgasm Day next Thursday!

Are you all coming?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OmarGuard
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
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A β€˜divine’ healer in his β€˜miracle’ ministry called, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed for, please come forward to the front."

With that, John got in line and when it was his turn the Pastor asked, " John, what do you want me to pray for you?"

John replied, "Pastor, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."

The Pastor put one finger of one hand on John's ear, placed his other hand on top of John's head, and then prayed and prayed and the whole congregation joined in with much enthusiasm. After a few minutes, the Pastor removed his hands, stood back and asked: "John, how is your hearing now?"

John answered, "I don't know. My hearing is actually next Thursday in the "Magistrate Court."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ball5deeper
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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My wife isn't happy I'm practicing my dad jokes early

My wife and I are expecting within the next two weeks. We were at my parent's house when they asked when the baby naming would be.

Wife: It will either be on Monday or we'll name it Thursday.

Me: But I don't like the name Thursday...

From the number of groans I got, I think I'm gonna be a good dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mattityahu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2014
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So, my dad and I were talking about birds today..

and the fact that there is a giant artificially planted tree in our back yard that is going to get too big to support itself eventually, or whatever, and we'd have to cut it down. I said we'd have to relocate the birds that have made a home in our tree first, naturally, or wait for them to leave. He said "how are you going to relocate the birds? You can't just send them an email and be like 'be out of here by next Thursday'." There was a pause, and moments later he says "oh you know what to do. " "You send them a tweet."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tehfrog729
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2015
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Dentist Appointment

Dad: Hey, I made you a dentist appointment for next Thursday at 2:30, and you'll never forget that time!

Me: Oh god, why?

Dad: 'Cause it's at tooth-hurty.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CheddarMax
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2014
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I'm a dad, and I regularly dad joke at work.

I was sitting at my desk at work checking my email first thing in the morning. Girl next to me says to others "man I wish it was Thursday!"

I replied "Thursday?! You bet I am! I'd love a coffee!"

I got the eyebrow raise from all of em.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Prsop2000
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2014
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