You'd think politicians have bigger issues to tackle than housework and cleanliness.

Yet they often call for sweeping reforms.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sordidnoose
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Friend of mine at work won a fishing pole and tackle box at the Christmas party.

He drives a mustang and was trying to figure out how to get it in his car.

Friend: β€œHow do I get this thing in my car? It’s almost as tall as I am!”

Me: β€œGuess you’re just gonna have to angle it.”

Friend and everyone in a 30 foot radius: -groan and facepalm-

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Returningdarkness
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 23 2019
🚨︎ report
If an Octopus were to play football, how many tackles per game would an Octopus have?

Tentacles

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SunnyStryder
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I have this recurring dream that E.T. tackles me, puts grey tape on my belly, and runs away.

I keep getting ab-duct-taped by aliens.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 29
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 21 2018
🚨︎ report
So my dad and I were moving a bedroom set for my grandmother as she was moving into an assisted living home. There was this heavy dresser and my dad said β€œLet’s tackle this now rather than later” I looked at the dresser, back at him, back to the dresser, and I said

There was this heavy dresser and my dad said β€œLet’s tackle this now rather than later” I looked at the dresser, back at him, back to the dresser, and I said β€œId rather lift it”

He gave me a funny look and sighed. My brother in law laughed.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/nakedurlrobot
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I'll do algebra, tackle geometry, maybe even a little calculus...

But graphing is where I draw the line.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 386
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/radxwolf
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 30 2015
🚨︎ report
β€œHow do we tackle this problem” asks the teacher

β€œAround the legs with your head out of the way” says the student.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Gummy1224
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 12 2018
🚨︎ report
I like to tackle all of my neck problems...

head on

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/The_Norminator
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 27 2017
🚨︎ report
The football player argued that it was a horse-collar tackle

The ref said β€œneigh”

(My Dad just told this joke while watching the Ravens game. The other dads in the room laughed.)

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/nightingale102
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 19 2017
🚨︎ report
Give me antagonizing Fish puns

I'm looking for fish puns you would annoy the person who's unwillingly going on a fishing trip with you (it's for a fictional project) Would appreciate the help!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JediPecanPie
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the octopus that played football?

He had ten-tackles!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 23
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/uhavethebiggay
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
A kid at the spelling bee was asked to spell "inward"

A teacher tackled him after the first G

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Picker-Rick
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Just talked to my dad about the gif on the front page of the cop tackling the gunman and his hostage

i said "yeah the cop was on the roof and tackled the guy, it seemed intense." My dad says "it wasn't outside?" I said "uh...well yeah he was on a roof and jumped down." He says back "but I thought you said it was in tents?" I let out the biggest groan as he starts giggling like a school girl

πŸ‘οΈŽ 29
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/landophant
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 07 2015
🚨︎ report
Dad, I'm jacker.

Hi Jacker, I'm [muffled sounds as TSA agent tackles dad]

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AlwaysTheNoob
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
A squid seaman cried helplessly:

"I've lost my ten tackles!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Srayel
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Brother: "Why do we have a mouse-shaped fishing lure?"

Me: "So you can catch a catfish."

We were using my late dad's tackle box from the 90's. Only logical explanation is that I was controlled by his spirit.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PrincessBukowski
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know why an octopus is so good at American Football?

It gets ten tackles a play.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/falknorRockman
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 11 2020
🚨︎ report
So I was getting gas today..

And I saw a woman smoking while she was fueling. I'm sitting there in dismay when I look over at another pump and see two cops leaning against their car eating hotdogs.

I start giving them this look of "don't you see this? Are you going to do anything?" they seemed unconcerned.

Just as I look back to the woman, I see her arm had caught fire and she's freaking out, flaling her arm around trying to put it out. Suddenly the cops tackle her, putting out the fire and then they arrest her.

I asked them "well, why the hell are you arresting her for? Isn't getting burned bad enough? One of the cops just looked at me and said

"She was waving around a firearm! "

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Cresano
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 14 2017
🚨︎ report
A football player went fishing the other day

But he forgot to bring his tackle

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Zebbyd5
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Challenge - What are punny names for businesses?

Slogan optional!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Rottadinger
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 04 2015
🚨︎ report
My dad can string this joke out forever. I've seen it go for 20 minutes.

A man gets a new job at the zoo.

On his first day, he still doesn't really understand what exactly he's meant to do, just that it involves the Gorillas. He goes and checks in and the manager sits him down to explain.

"Now look," says the manager, "We've been having some troubles lately with our gorilla. He was acting up, getting really agitated with the environment, so we had to send him away. We told the people that enclosure's being repaired, but we're actually looking for a new gorilla - can you do it for us?"

The man is unsure, but he needs the money, so he agrees, puts on a gorilla suit and goes out there. At first he's a bit mopey, so he sits around a lot.

After a couple of days he begins to warp up and eats a couple of bananas and wanders around a little.

Over the course of the next few weeks he becomes progressively more outgoing, moving around, playing in the jungle gym, hollering around and beating his chest. He's a big hit and everything's going really well for him, until one day he's on his monkey bars and getting really into it, but he slips and flies through the air, over the pit, clears the fence and lands in a pile of bushes in the next enclosure.

He is just beginning to pick himself up, when out of the corner of his eye, he sees something in the foliage.

A pair of eyes lock with his.

It moves closer.

He knows this is it.

He begins to pray.

Suddenly the creature leaps and tackles him - the biggest, ugliest lion he's ever seen!

It leans in close.

He can see every gleaming tooth in it's mouth

He can smell the lion's breath

It opens it's mouth

And from inside the lion he hears a whisper.

"Make this good or we'll both lose our jobs."

show more
πŸ‘οΈŽ 655
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Toggle2
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 10 2013
🚨︎ report
Why do fishermen always play football?

They've got the best tackle in the world!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CreativeBrain10
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Somebody asked me to draw a football for them

So I took a tackle at it

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VladimirPutinIV
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 13 2018
🚨︎ report
[long pun, bear with it] A father and son are going fishing...

The father is showing his son how to prepare the fishing rod, how to set the line, and how to affix the bait. Father: "Now son, you can use many different kinds of bait. This worm, for example." The father says as he weaves the worm onto the hook and casts the line. Son: "What happens next dad?" As if on cue, the father pulls against the line, calling forth a panicked fish from the water. The son exclaims in amazement, as the father prepares the line for his next cast. He reaches into the tackle box, and beings to attach something to the hook. Son: "Dad, what kind of bait is that?" Father: "This is clickbait son." Son: "What happens next dad?" Father: "What happens next will shock you."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/appa-ate-momo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 16 2017
🚨︎ report
At work, stocking bread

Then one of the loaves falls off and hits my boss. Me: "Sorry. That was an attack with a breadly weapon."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Xibalba0130
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 12 2015
🚨︎ report
As a lifelong fly fisherman....

As a lifelong fly fisherman, I have traveled the world's best rivers and seen tackle stores carry a lot of stuff, but the ones in China really have it all. I picked up a new rod, new waders, a new tackle box and plenty of line, and at the end the owner asked me if I want fries with that!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Girlfriend just got me with this one

Me (talking about mowing the lawn): Alright I'm gonna tackle the lawn soon!

GF: I really don't think tackling it is going to cut it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 31
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cijip
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 01 2016
🚨︎ report
I think this is a dad joke

I'm a dad and I like telling it, so I guess that's qualification enough. I heard this joke about 26 years ago, and I still laugh at it. Slightly long, so don't hate me.

A guy that lives alone decided that he wanted to get a pet. He went to a pet store in his city to see what was available. The man tells the associate at the store that he wants a pet, but he doesn't want an "ordinary" pet like a cat or dog, he wants something unique. The associate asks the man if he by chance has a swimming pool at his house, and the man replies that he indeed does have a pool. The associate says, "Great! I've got just the pet for you. Actually it is two pets -- two beautiful porpoises. And these aren't ordinary porpoises, either. They will never die, but there is one small catch. To keep them alive, once a year at noon on July 1, you have to feed each one of them an immature sea gull, before the birds have learned to fly." The associate tells the man that he shouldn't worry about the annual feeding, though, because the associate will always make sure he has two birds available for the man every year on July 1.

The man buys the pets, fills his swimming pool with salt water, and really enjoys the companionship of the porpoises throughout the year. On June 30, the man calls the pet store to make sure the two birds are available, and sure enough they are. The next day, he goes to the pet store at 10 a.m. to purchase the birds, and while he is inside the store he hears a lot of commotion coming from just outside the store. He goes to the front of the store to see what's going on outside, and he finds that there is a huge, ferocious lion trying to get into the store through the front door. Luckily, the door swings outward from the store, so the lion can't get it open. The police call the store associate to tell him what has happened. The main attraction (the lion) from the state zoo just up the road from the store had escaped, and the lion could sense all the small animals that were inside the pet store, so he was trying to get into the store to eat them. The police are waiting for the zoo's lion tamer to show up and get the animal back into captivity.

Meanwhile, the man who was at the store to buy the birds to feed to his pets was getting really anxious. He was trapped inside the store, there was no other exit, and the time was quickly approaching noon. The associate reminded the man that he absolutely had to feed his pets at precisely noon, otherwise th

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/phallivore
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 04 2017
🚨︎ report
Going fishing...my reply was instant

Daughter: Dad, can you fix my worm?
Me, getting the canoe off the car: I'll have to tackle that later.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/NotFunnyAlreadyTaken
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 14 2014
🚨︎ report
Dadjoked a customer last week [Retail]

So I work at a hardware store/fish & tackle shop on a fairly affluent barrier island in Florida...tons of rich old WASPs (we're talking DuPont heir money here).

Anyways, a regular comes up to the front register with a saw and some saw blades. I took note of his purchases and said to the guy "How do these work? Some sort of coping mechanism?"

He looked down for a second, began to explain (in a somewhat demeaning tone) how a coping saw works, looked up and saw my shit eating grin.

grooaaannnn "Oh you ass, that was witty. You got me though!"

I later learned that day that his wife had died three months earlier...whoops.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/The_Cameraman
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 26 2014
🚨︎ report
My husband and I were doing laundry...

So, my husband and I were doing laundry. Trying to tackle the pile of towels I asked him to help me. Re responds with- "But, folding towels is for squares!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/whycantwe
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 08 2015
🚨︎ report
My folks are on a road trip.

Driving through Gackle, North Dakota, my dad lays this one on my mom: "What kind of a town name is 'Gackle?' I suppose their football team is called the Jackals. If you played on the team, you might be the Gackle Jackal tackle."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Evil_Iowan
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 20 2013
🚨︎ report
What type of football do fishermen play?

Tackle

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/J_A_C_O_B
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 31 2016
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.