In an effort to combat climate change, the U.S. Army will no longer allow rabbits to drive vehicles.

This will eliminate 75% of America’s car bunny missions.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JiminyKirket
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 02 2020
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How do we combat Erection Fraud?

We pitch tents in front of the White House and protest.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Shadow_strife
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 17 2020
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I heard Donald Trump is going to ban shredded cheese, and make America grate again.

also in the news:

Patients who have died or been admitted to intensive care with Covid-19 have been found to be deficient in a vitamin found in spinach, eggs, and hard and blue cheeses, raising hopes that dietary change might be one part of the answer to combating the disease.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kickypie
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 02 2020
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When you are playing Mortal Combat vs Star Wars and your opponent is from Finland

Finnish him.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/StandardTrack
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 25 2020
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Combat Wombat. Doodle I drew at work.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 30
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/El-Rob75
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 19 2019
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We recently hired a magician at the cemetery based on his response to how he could help combat the rising costs of burial arrangements.

"Abracadaver."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Vodkashana
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 15 2019
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A man who died in combat wrote his own biography

He was the ghost writer

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/redhairrachel
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 04 2019
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If you die in combat with Jason Derulo, do you go to Swalhalla?
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/allycat863
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 27 2018
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I bought a vintage WWII watch that had the face destroyed in combat

It’s timeless.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/xbodogx
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 16 2018
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Mortal Combat voice
πŸ‘οΈŽ 33
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Goldemeyer14
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 02 2017
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While in combat, military pilots have a fight and flight reaction.

Yes?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Capt_McCracken
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 06 2018
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The Jedi created a new form of data compression for oral communication during combat

It can store up to a Yoda bite.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/s-dubya
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 12 2017
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How can a DJ combat soil acidification?

Drop the Base!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/aHyperactiveWaffle
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 27 2017
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What do pigs learn in the army?

Ham to ham combat

πŸ‘οΈŽ 117
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/rubberducky4000
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 21 2019
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Just another viral rant.

All right reddit, I have to get this off my chest. I’m absolutely SICK of this pandemic. Everywhere I go, I’m constantly being PESTERED to wipe down surfaces and sanitize my hands. It’s a complete infestation of my personal space!

Let’s face it, our ailing democratic rights have taken a huge hit. And this is a symptom of a larger problem. Namely, our ruling class seems totally impaired! We are being totally ill-informed by people who claim they know everything about this disease.

For example, this whole situation has been plagued with problems since the beginning! It’s a scourge on what’s left of humanity.

So I say, it’s time to break out of the shackles and seize our lives back! We need to combat this virus that flew around the world with everything we’ve got. Because this lock down is bugging the hell out of me! This is a cold call to do your part. The health of our society depends on it!

Happy quarantine, everyone!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/daloonik
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 09 2020
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"Where does a pirate go to learn more about ship to ship combat?"

Boarding school.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Yayifications
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 18 2016
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How did the combat medic get hired at SeaWorld?

He told them he was a marine biologist

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RoboChrist
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 25 2015
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What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?

A man o' war.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Liaeriel
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 03 2016
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What is the mage's equivalent of mano a mano combat?

Mana a mana

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ItsProfOak
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 11 2015
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Why did they name him Spiderman?

Because they couldn't name him Peter Parkour.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 26
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/redman_xitij8
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 08 2019
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Batman was fighting two thugs

He was in a combat

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Fakipo2
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 27 2019
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They've announced the plot for the third spiderman movie!

Spiderman is sent to Australia to combat a new deadly villian and is being called "Spiderman Home and Away"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/John-Waters
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 29 2019
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Did you hear about the U.S military making missiles out of wheat?

I hear they're bread for combat.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/EthanObi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 29 2018
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Did you hear about the food fight at the Indian restaurant?

There were injuries to many naan combatants.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bigoldgeek
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 28 2015
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Two teams fought in a small room using only their outfits and pocket change.

It was clothes-quarters combat.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Anderswag
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 09 2015
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He wasn't alright

The security guard where I worked was a retired Army sergeant who was always joking with us.

One day I came in from a smoke break and asked what had happened to the guy in the parking lot. I said that he looked like he'd been injured in combat or something - missing his right leg and right arm.

I could hear that everybody had stopped working because they wanted to hear about this guy.

The security guard asked if he was still around, because everybody in the building had to be signed in by him.

With a straight face I replied, "No. He's just left."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/neurohero
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 13 2014
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