Nade is buying meat for your proposal surprise party.
This just happened: I explained to my 11 year-old niece that wheat pennies are/were a thing. She didn’t believe me, so she looked it up on grandma’s phone. To our surprise, we learned that there are some people selling wheat pennies online for *thousands* to *TENS* *of* *thousands* of dollars.
To which I said, “That doesn’t make cents.”
I don't know if it's coincidence, but both my kids absolutely love surprise eggs. They're obsessed with them!
And neither of them were planned!
There was once a scientist doing research on some microscopic organisms. To his surprise he found out that a particular species was completely homosexual.
I recently visited Washington state for the first time. Much to my surprise, it ended up being a warm and sunny day when I arrived! Put on a tank top, threw on some shades, and picked up an iced latte. I took a stroll through the park near the Space Needle and had a wonderful time.
I guess you could say I was sleeveless in Seattle
I was going to get a tattoo in Madrid, but the tattoo artist I wanted to go to got in trouble for making some anti government tattoo art, which was quite a surprise
No one expects the Spanish ink sedition
Dankmemes is shit but sometimes it surprises me
I was searching pinterest for Ghost (band) wallpapers. This was a pleasant surprise.
When I was 10 my Mom told me to take my brother to a movie so she could set up for his surprise birthday party.
That was when I realized he was her
favorite twin, not me.
Rumors have it my roommate is going to surprise me with a set of loudspeakers
I don't like the sound of it
Which of Harry Potters spells never surprises anyone?
Surprise pun struck me as I was connecting to someone's WiFi
My girlfriend said it’d really be a nice birthday surprise if I got her something to run around in.
So I bought her a tracksuit.
This bar joke caught me by surprise
A weasel walks into a bar.
The Bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before. What can I get you?"
"Pop," goes the weasel.
I got an early flight home so I decided to surprise my wife. Got home about 10 PM. Walked in my bedroom, and to my COMPLETE surprise, there is my wife in bed with my best friend. I couldn't believe it.
I then yelled for my dog to get off the bed.
I came home from a long day of work to find a surprise my girlfriend left me!
imgur.com/a/9nOTA
Sometimes my genius surprises even me [OC]
Surprise dad joke from my wife
I will preface this by saying I work in IT.
The other day we were watching tv when my son started playing in front of the screen. The first statement I could come up with was “you’ve got to sit down your dad’s not a glassmaker”
My wife’s response was “but he does work with Windows”
I am a proud husband.
All Chemistry exam questions contain trace amounts of the element of surprise.
It’s my wife’s birthday tomorrow and she’s wanted to get a new cat (recently lost our old one), so my son and I got a cat from the animal shelter, put her gently into a large gift bag and brought her home. Before I could shut my driver door my son ran inside and ruined the surprise...
Can’t believe he let the cat out of the bag.
A wife finds out she's pregnant and wants to surprise her husband with the news...
"Honey, I'm pregnant!"
"Are you kidding me?"
"That's another way of saying it, I guess, yeah."
Every time I leave work early to surprise my wife, she always greets me with these three special words.
The dinner I was cooking for my family was going to be a surprise but the fire trucks ruined it.
My cousins from Barcelona came for a surprise visit weeks ago. They're still here!
I didn't expect the Spanish imposition...
A bee-g surprise (x-post: r/funny)
I wanted to surprise my wife by buying a dairy farm...
She had a cow when I told her.
I told the bartender to surprise me with a drink. He pulled out ice and tape. I asked him what he was making.
He said “Scotch on the Rocks”
The number of cursing parrot videos shouldn't surprise you.
Parrots love fowl language.
It's really no surprise the Taiwanese are so personable.
They all have Taipei personalities!
There was a knock at the door the other day and to my surprise, it was a kitchen sink!
He said "I hear you have everything but me." So I let that sink in.
What do you call the surprise Pokemon?
My dad won "Most Likely To Surprise You" amongst his graduating senior class
My wife asked for a surprise, so I gave her this...
If you are feeling down lately, I've got a surprise for you.
Get a lamp. It will lighten up your mood.
My wife: Ill be late from work today. It's my colleague's surprise birthday party.
Me: I am almost sure she knows its her birthday.
Would surprise butt sex for dogs be an "unexpected item in wagging area"?
My daughter asked me if it was possible to surprise her snowman…
I said, "Of course not! He has ice in the back of his head!"
At the ocean the other day a huge wave caught me by surprise
All I could think was oh, swell.
My friend lost his legs in a surprise attack...
... he was really all-armed.
My jokes are expected...But every so often I surprise myself...
I normally telegraph my jokes, but this one was totally natural...
Talking to my wife about my sister's upcoming trip to DisneyWorld and how they were going in May...
Wife..."have talked to your sister about crowds because of the opening of Pandora at Animal Kingdom?"
"Yeh, they are going down opening weekend, but skipping Animal Kingdom completely, I bet it's going to be a real zoo there..."
Edit
Obligatory eye roll and groan.
"Holy crap, I didn't even do that on purpose!"
My Dad Caught Me By Surprise Today
I was telling my dad how I was disappointed because I got a haircut last week and at this point it was barely noticeable.
He comes in and says "I guess your hair is going to great lengths to cover it up"
I didn't think he had it in him.....
My son struck dad joke gold, caught us both by surprise
My son is 14 but he still picks his nose. A lot. He also eats it after. A lot. Grosses me out to the extreme, so I rib him about it hoping he'll stop, even using bribery, but no progress yet.
A couple of nights ago I saw him doing it again out of the corner of my eye, then he suddenly got up and ran into the kitchen for a napkin. Yup, bloody nose, no surprise there.
"Find what you were digging for?" I asked him.
"No," he says. "I was digging for gold but struck oil."
Caught me by surprise
Me and Dad watching my 1 year old play on the back patio.
Me: I don't understand why she keeps putting those rocks in her mouth. That can't taste good.
Dad: No, but they sure do last a long time.
Got a surprise when I blew my nose earlier
I thought it was a booger but it's'not
Dad caught me by surprise with this one.
My family was watching TV and a vacuum commercial came on. My dad said "hey we should get a new vacuum!" My mom said "ChiefCharmin's dad, we already have 3." Dad:"I know, but they all suck."
Working today got hit by a surprise dad joke.
I work at Burlington Coat factory and was assigned to work in the shoe department today. A kid comes up and it goes like this.
Me:Is there anything I can help you with today sir?
Kid:No I don't think so
Suddenly a wild Dad appears form a blind corner
The Dad: Yeah he could use some style.
Me: Well I can't help with that right now but I can sure help with shoes
The Dad: Oh alright. Thank you. Have a good day. It was nice shoe meet you
Made my night.
I recently replaced the surfaces in our kitchen to surprise my wife...
...and I used the cheap stuff, but it looked real, so I thought maybe it'd fool her.
No such luck. My wife is so "counter-intuitive" due to her high "counter-intelligence" that it didn't matter how "counter-productive" I'd been, she took one look at it and just knew. So instead of taking it for "granite," she threw a "counter-fit."
(Proud dad. All the jokes in this subreddit sound like ones I would make...)
I was able to get an early flight home so I decided to surprise my wife. Got home about 10 PM. Walked in my bedroom, and to my complete surprise, there is my wife in bed with my best friend. I couldn't believe it.
I then yelled for my dog to get off the bed.
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