In a world where people with superpowers make up 1% of the world population, people with two make up 1% of that 1%. These people born with two superhuman abilities are called squares.

Squares are raised to a second power.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Guru9224
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
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What do you call a superpower that lets you locate french pastries with your mind?

Γ‰clairvoyance

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_stevel
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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I was asked if I could have any superpower in the world what would it be?

I answered Cold war russia

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaku2201
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
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Now that the USA is no longer the pre-eminent superpower of the world, what's next?

USB

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SFLoridan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
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What a shitty superpower...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RhinoVanHorn
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
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I just learned that I've got superpowers yesterday

Today i will make you read

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
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My superpower, _________, far exceeds your abilities /r/AskOuija/comments/fylm…
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
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I say my secret superpower is detecting Indian flatbread in any given room.

My friends all say it's naan-sense.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/woodybuzzes
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
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So I was asking my brother how come he only uses his superpowers on my daughters

He said it’s because he only has telekinesis not telekinephews

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainHalfrica
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
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I have a superpower...

I can hear at the speed of sound.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Samyie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
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If I could have any superpower, I would choose invisibility. But I wouldn't use it to do anything ILLEGAL...

Just to be clear.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aphaelion
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
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A friend of mine once told me that the best superpower would be the ability to detect the presence of Indian bread.

I said β€œThat’s naan-sense!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToroZuzuX
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
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What superpower did the celery want?

Cele-kinesis

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThePunZoo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
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My son asked me what superpower I wanted

I guess Russia wasn't the answer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dr-phil-swift
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
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The worst superpower
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πŸ‘€︎ u/seahat
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2017
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The Germans were a superpower during WW II....

The World did Nazi this coming.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Godzilla_KOM
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2019
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My 7yo son asked "if you could have superpowers, what would you pick?"

I told him "I'd choose the soup."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thedaveabides98
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2017
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My kid dadjoked me: β€œDad, I wish I had a superpower where I could create anything I imagine”

Me: Like Green Lantern?

Son: Sure, I could create Green Lantern.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vanilla_almond
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2017
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I hate it when people ask me,”what do you think the future is going to be like?”

I don’t have 2020 vision

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πŸ‘€︎ u/W4ffleZ
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
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I wish I could photosynthesize occasionally

If only for a light snack

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KillingTime6
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2019
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When you are unhappy with life, look at the bright side.

Maybe your superpower is to expect too much.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2017
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Jeff has had only one dream ever in his life, to become a train conductor.

Jeff went to his local train station and begged for the job. He got a job, as a janitor. Every day he swept the train car floors. To make his job easier, he added certain style to his sweeping technique. He used a 3 level system for how powerful he wanted to sweep. He had a small sweep for small piles of dust. Medium sweeps for leftover chip bags and plactic bottles. And the Super Mega Large sweeps for when there were spider webs as big as the train.

Jeff was a master sweeper, so he got Promoted!.. To hobo kicking. Nowadays he comes to the train station early in the morning, finds the nearest hobo, and kicks him out. However, Jeff's legs hurt after several strong kicks, so he used his 3 level system in hobo kicking. He had a small kick for tiny, bite sized hobos. Medium kicks for your average sized hobo. And his Super Mega Powerful kick for 300 pound hobos.

Jeff was sooooo good at kicking hobos and he was Promoted!.. to coal shoveling. Jeff arrives 20 minutes before his train departure, loads up with the conductor, and shovels coal. likewise with his legs, Jeff's arms got tired after several large piles of shoveled coal, so he used his 3 level system to rest Jeff's weak arms. Jeff dumps small piles of coal in the incinerator to send the train at a slow pace. He dumps a Medium pile for a somewhat fast pace. But when the train station's 30 miles away and he's scheduled to arrive in 7 minutes, Jeff uses his Big Gargantuan Humongous shoveling strength to send the train at super sonic speed!

After all of Jeff's many years of working for this train station, they finally promote him to Train Conductor! Jeff shows up to work 30 minutes early on his first day, conducts the train for his first time ever, and crashes the train. He injures 30 and kills 13 more. Jeff is sentenced to Death.

The day of Jeff's execution, he's asked for his last meal. Jeff tells the guard that he wants a 13 foot stack of pancakes and a 40 ounce jug of green Kool-Aid. Jeff takes exactly 34 minutes to eat with it all. 26 Mintues later, Jeff is taken to the electric chair.

Jeff sits down in the electric chair, and is strapped in by a nearby guard. After all the safety precautions, they turn on the electric chair.

BZZZZZZ

Nothin happened. The guard is confused and Jeff is confused. The guard trys it again.

BZZZZZZ

Nothing. Jeff doesn't even move a muscle. The guard decides to let Jeff go since he can't kill him. Before Jeff leaves, the guard has one question.

Guard : "Excuse me um, J

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Saspa314
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
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Me: every time a pun is said, my power grows!

Friend: wow, that's powerful

Me: I'm just super saying

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
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What do you get when you drink soup?

Super powers. (Soup-a-powers)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dudecancode
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2018
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