He walked into the police station and yelled "help! I'm on five per cent!" First, a cop punched him. Then, one of them plugged him in to a power bank Suddenly he had reached 100%. It was a miracle They charged him with assault and battery
But theyโre Knopfler me
โthank you for your cervix.โ
Who buys gummy worms hoping theyโd taste as close to real worms as possible?
He's currently assembling his cabinet.
Sure makes Stevie Wonder.
"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."
Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.
It's a complex complex complex.
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now
The man says to the bartender โ1 for me, and 1 for the roadโ
Because Lisa Kudrow.
Nell, Edna, Leon, Nedra, Anita, Rolf, Nora, Alice, Carol, Leo, Jane, Reed, Dena, Dale, Basil, Rae, Penny, Lana, Dave, Denny, Lena, Ida, Bernadette, Ben, Ray, Lila, Nina, Jo, Ira, Mara, Sara, Mario, Jan, Ina, Lily, Arne, Bette, Dan, Reba, Diane, Lynn, Ed, Eva, Dana, Lynne, Pearl, Isabel, Ada, Ned, Dee, Rena, Joel, Lora, Cecil, Aaron, Flora, Tina, Arden, Noel, and Ellen.
The man asks "is this good for wasps?"
The cashier says "no sir, it kills them"
A hummingbird.
I don't know. But it is definitely not herd.
Perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Heโs an extremely aggressive janitor.
But I wonโt letter!
Mentos
The funeral director was asking us what we think Mum should wear in her casket.
Mum always loved to wear sarongs (fabric wraps that go around the torso and drape downward a bit like a long skirt would), so my uncle suggested that she wear a sarong in there.
The funeral director looked a bit confused, as did some of our family members, to which my uncle added:
"What's sarong with that?"
I started laughing like an idiot. He was proud of it too. The funeral director was rather shocked. We assured her, and our more proper relatives, that Mum would've absolutely loved the joke (which is very true).
His delivery was perfect. I'll never forget the risk he took. We sometimes recall the moment as a way help cushion the blows of the grieving process.
--Edit-- I appreciate the condolences. I'm doing well and the worst is behind me and my family. But thanks :)
--Edit-- Massive thanks for all the awards and kind words. And the puns! Love 'em.
So I packed up and right
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
It's night.
A fizzician
Nomads
Capital of Ireland
It's Dublin everyday
This is the last straw.
"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"
"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.
"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"
I still donโt get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton...
wooden tit?
True story; it even happened last night. My 5-year-old son walks up behind me and out of the blue says, "hey."
I turn to him and say, "yeah, kiddo? What's up?"
He responds, "it's dead grass."
I'm really confused and trying to figure out what's wrong and what he wants from me. "What? There's dead grass? What's wrong with that?"
.
.
.
He says, totally straight-faced, "hay is dead grass," and runs off.
It was horrific. They did unspeakable things.
The jokes werenโt that good, but I liked the execution.
It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta sea.
A buttocks.
I told him I donโt knead the dough, but I do get a rise out of it
It's half empty.
..do you just get exhausted ?
Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.
He was a private tutor.
