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πŸ‘︎ 413
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πŸ‘€︎ u/meow__meg
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
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*snickering* πŸ˜†
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/goosetropolis
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2018
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My wife were talking about my swimming ability:

Her: "You're a pretty strong swimmer"

Me: "Yeah but I never learned butterfly stroke"

Her: "Butterfly? You just...wing it"

We both looked at each other and snickered like children.

Title Edit: "My wife and I were talking"*

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/unwilling_pizza
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
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My mate hates it when....

My mate hates it when I put his chocolate bars into different wrappers...

It's gets his Snickers in a Twix

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sdkscience
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
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I don’t like candy bars anymore

They always Snicker at me

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AshamedTurtwig
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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So I try to eat healthy

But every time I try, a chocolate bar looks at me and snickers

πŸ‘︎ 148
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SprxtGaming
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
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What do you call a drawing of a laughing cookie?

A snicker-doodle

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Legoless0234
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
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*pulls candy bar out of thin air*

Kid: WOW are you a magician?

Me: no, but I have a couple of twix up my sleeve

πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ‘€︎ u/renskappert
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
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That is why my internet is so slow. Everyone’s online
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ajmansell
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
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Did you know you can change the breed of your poodle by teaching it to giggle on command?

It will change the breed of your dog into a snicker-doodle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Youtuatoot
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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It's Magic
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
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Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.

She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/emjay144
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
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Don’t know if this has been posted here yet
πŸ‘︎ 828
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kiritopac
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
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While I was buying some candy the other day, I told the employees a joke.

Got some snickers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JiminyKirket
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Today I ate like 300 ants.

I saw a bunch of ants swarming around a Snickers bar on the ground. I thought to myself "What a coincidence, I just ate a Snickers too!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CSwork1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2020
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When should you inject the earth with antidepressants?

When its suffering from poor mantle health.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
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Butterfingers and M&Ms are okay...

... but Mars Bars and Milky Way are out of this world!

(Not a great joke, but I've found its good for a few Snickers)

πŸ‘︎ 178
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrFurball
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
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2 for me, none for you.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/matthewjhendrick
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2018
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I looked mysteriously at my son and whispered, "I steal candy bars using sleight of hand!"

"So I guess you could say I have a few Twix up my sleeve!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
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Someone told me a joke about chocolate bars earlier

It wasn't very good thought, so I just Snickered

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaffa_54
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Pandemonium at the candy bar factory!

Someone had their Snickers in a Twix.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/norrisrw
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
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What gender pronouns are you supposed to use for chocolate bars?

her/she

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πŸ‘€︎ u/adanfime
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2015
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There was a mix up at the chocolate factory

Better not get your Snickers in a Twix

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sammy_Colon
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
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What is a comedian’s favourite candy?

Snickers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhiteWalterBlack
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2019
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Was grumpy the other day and my wife accused me of being "HANGRY"

After pondering I commented, "nope, I'm HORNERY!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JeF4y
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2015
🚨︎ report
What's the funniest candy bar?

Snickers....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bezigol
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2018
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What do you call laughing shoes?

Snickers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gingerBreadManGuy
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
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Knock knock

Dad: "Knock knock"

Son:"Whos there?"

Dad snickering softly: ach-

Son visibly confused: ach-who?

(Dad continues to start laughing while his son roles his eyes )

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πŸ‘€︎ u/killerspider19
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
🚨︎ report
So, my youngest son was pestering me for candy at Party City one Halloween...

I gently told him "No" at least 6 times, and finally we were at the register. My wife was checking us out, and he asks again.

Me: "Son, if you ask for one more piece of candy, I'm going to go back in time and take away the candy you had yesterday."

He stopped asking.

My oldest son looks at me defiantly and says, "Okay, do it to me!"

{ thinks for a second }

Me: "Fine. Do you remember that Snickers bar you had yesterday?"

Oldest looks confused and says, "What?? I didn't have a Snickers bar yesterday!"

Me: "Exactly."

I pat him on the back as he processes, and we exit the store.

πŸ‘︎ 220
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πŸ‘€︎ u/denzien
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2017
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Dad, would you raise your kids on Mars?

No I think snickers is much better.

πŸ‘︎ 195
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MigratingBanana
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2015
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You may think you got me

https://imgur.com/052xQtY

Oreo could just admit defeat.

πŸ‘︎ 89
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sal6a
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2016
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Why did the comedian have to go on a diet?

Because he was addicted to snickers.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eleventhearlofmar
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2018
🚨︎ report
Family and I are at the country fair when daughter number 2 notices a cow being massaged.

Daughter #2: Dad you know why we shouldn't buy milk from that cow?

Me: "No sweetheart why"?

Daughter #2: "With a snicker". "Because it's spoiled"!

My wife: "Groan".

Daughter #3: "Mooooooooo".

Edit: Quotes as requested.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/buddhaplayshockey
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2017
🚨︎ report
One amazing space picture (x-post /r/unexpected)
πŸ‘︎ 174
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ego_max
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2013
🚨︎ report
What does a snack do when he sees someone trip?

He snickers.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IcyDrops
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2018
🚨︎ report
A Planetary Conversation:

"Hey Venus, you see that planet over there?" - Earth "Yeah, what about it?" - Venus "Do you think he likes to watch the sun rise and set like us? He's so far away..." - Earth "Well Maybe he needs to Neptune in with the rest of us." - Venus "Did you just make a planet pun...?" - Earth "Don't Saturn this around on me, I'm hot and flustered all the time" - Venus "I guess you could say your Mercury's rising...snickers" - Jupiter

"GOD DAMNIT" - Earth

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nirvanaspirit666
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2017
🚨︎ report
Jokes about candy make me laugh a little bit.

snickers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/coot32
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2018
🚨︎ report
Does a horse laugh?

Neigh, he snickers whinny hears something filly.

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jack-is
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2013
🚨︎ report
If you're an American in the living room what are you in the bathroom?

European

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/guitarista628
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2014
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During a recent painful procedure at my dentist's office...

It was suggested by his assistant that I keep my thoughts focused on my "happy place". I said, "No problem, I practice transcen-dental meditation" Not even a snicker from the two of them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aceoftrachs
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2015
🚨︎ report
This was my Dad's favourite with house guests....

Points to ceiling fan "This is my biggest fan."

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mogwan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2013
🚨︎ report
My mate hates it when I put his chocolate bars in different wrappers.

Tonight he really got his Snickers in a Twix

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I put my mates chocolate bars in different wrappers. Needless to say,

He got his snickers in a twix.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/74CK
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2018
🚨︎ report
What is the funniest candy bar?

Snickers

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Espadajin
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2017
🚨︎ report
Everytime I try to eat healthy...

...a chocolate bar looks at me and Snickers.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/glyph-bellchime
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2018
🚨︎ report

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