Snickers Bar Puns

My mate hates it when I put his chocolate bars into different wrappers...

It's gets his Snickers in a Twix

But every time I try, a chocolate bar looks at me and snickers

I saw a bunch of ants swarming around a Snickers bar on the ground. I thought to myself "What a coincidence, I just ate a Snickers too!"

... but Mars Bars and Milky Way are out of this world!

(Not a great joke, but I've found its good for a few Snickers)

After pondering I commented, "nope, I'm HORNERY!"

I gently told him "No" at least 6 times, and finally we were at the register. My wife was checking us out, and he asks again.

Me: "Son, if you ask for one more piece of candy, I'm going to go back in time and take away the candy you had yesterday."

He stopped asking.

My oldest son looks at me defiantly and says, "Okay, do it to me!"

{ thinks for a second }

Me: "Fine. Do you remember that Snickers bar you had yesterday?"

Oldest looks confused and says, "What?? I didn't have a Snickers bar yesterday!"

Me: "Exactly."

I pat him on the back as he processes, and we exit the store.

We were discussing the fact that she's short and the conversation went something like this

Me: I remember when I was a fun sized Snickers bar, then I turned 14 and became a party sized Snickers bar.

Her: Well what if I don't want to be a Snickers bar?

Me: Then you can be any generic fun sized candy bar of your choice.

Her: Idk what I would be. But it would make sense that you're a Snickers bar, you have nuts.

Edit: Formatting

One year for Halloween my dad thought he had the funniest costume.

He taped Snickers bars to his pants and went around laughing all night long. He called himself "Snickers".

My dad is telling my boyfriend about his cousin's new bar. After a run-down of where it is, what it looks like, etc. he says, "You should check it out! They even have a beer garden!"

My boyfriend responds, "A beer garden? What kind of beer do they grow?"

I snickered when he said it, but when I brought it up later that night I laughed so hard I cried.

My father has learned to do this whenever I am most vulnerable and unsuspecting and he usually gets me, but here's how it goes

(normal conversation) Me: Says something about being hungry

Dad: Hey, want a Snicker bar?

Me: Yes please!

Dad: Me too, that sure sounds good right now.

Me:....

My father and i were out getting gas for the car, and he asked me if i wanted a snickers bar. I said "i can't stand peanuts", and he said "of course you can't, they're round on the bottom". He's always got something witty to say

...a chocolate bar looks at me and Snickers.