So, my youngest son was pestering me for candy at Party City one Halloween...

I gently told him "No" at least 6 times, and finally we were at the register. My wife was checking us out, and he asks again.

Me: "Son, if you ask for one more piece of candy, I'm going to go back in time and take away the candy you had yesterday."

He stopped asking.

My oldest son looks at me defiantly and says, "Okay, do it to me!"

{ thinks for a second }

Me: "Fine. Do you remember that Snickers bar you had yesterday?"

Oldest looks confused and says, "What?? I didn't have a Snickers bar yesterday!"

Me: "Exactly."

I pat him on the back as he processes, and we exit the store.

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👤︎ u/denzien
📅︎ Aug 18 2017
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Girlfriend got me really good tonight

We were discussing the fact that she's short and the conversation went something like this

Me: I remember when I was a fun sized Snickers bar, then I turned 14 and became a party sized Snickers bar.

Her: Well what if I don't want to be a Snickers bar?

Me: Then you can be any generic fun sized candy bar of your choice.

Her: Idk what I would be. But it would make sense that you're a Snickers bar, you have nuts.

Edit: Formatting

👍︎ 16
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📅︎ Nov 14 2015
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