It was a lovely movie and I had a hot date, so I asked her to whisper something in my ear that would make my heart beat faster. She gave me this sly little smile and then she replied,

"Don't look now, but your wife is sitting right behind us."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
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Ernie, you sly dog.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CallMeFishmeal
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2013
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The Texas state Aquarium taught a crow to play connect four, too bad they didn't teach it Clue...

I bet it would murder the game.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RufusMoray
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
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My wife says I second guess all of my decisions

[deleted]

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zekesnack
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
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If you hear something, say something

I originally posted this in r/MaliciousCompliance, but several commenters thought it would be good here as well. I hope this isn't a re-run for too many of you.

This was years ago when my son was starting middle school. I was transporting him and a group of his new friends. One of the friends was French, and spoke French at home. My son mentioned that I had taken French in high school, and so one of his friends asked me to say something in French and see if French girl could understand me.

Before I go on, a note on parenting style: we joke around with our kids all the time. I know that not all parents joke with their children; some of my kids' friends enjoyed to a dad who makes a joke, and some would look at me like I grew a second head.

So I said to the French girl, Β«quelque choseΒ». Immediately the friends turned to French girl and asked "What did he say?"

I waited, wondering whether she would join my joke.

A sly smile crept across her face as she said, "he said...something". The rest of the trip, the friends tried to convince her to reveal what it was that I had said. Β«quelque choseΒ» is the French phrase for "something".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mermaldad
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
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My friend keeps telling me to cheer up these days. He says it could be a lot worse

I could be trapped inside an underground hole filled with water.

I know he means well.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dropanddash
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2018
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What did the police say to his bellybutton

Your under a vest

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TJVpower
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2019
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Would you rather eat a baby goat or a madder baby?

Them: what’s a madder baby?

Me: Nothing sugar, what’s a matter with you? 😏


Sorry if this might be a repost, I didn’t make it up but it’s one of my favorite dad jokes of all time. It’s really funny when you get someone aggressive whose like β€œwhat the fucks a madder baby?”

E: added the emoji cuz it’s good to give a sly smirk to finish it off. Also this works MUCH better in person

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DwelveDeeper
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
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The government is making a regime change..

Damascus..Syria-sly.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LAUGHgan1stan
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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What device does Mario use when he wants to communicate with the dead?

A Lou-ouija board.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Renton_Knox
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2016
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Entertainment puns

I have two favorite titles that are extremely clever puns.

β€œShawn the Sheep” β€œDexter”

β€œShawn the Sheep” is a sly play on the dialect of the characters in the animation. β€œShawn” and β€œshorn” have the same pronunciation in the dialect of the outskirts of Bristol, UK.

β€œDexter” is a wonderful Latin pun. β€œDexter” is the word for β€œright” and β€œSinister” is the implied compliment, the word for β€œleft” in Latin. Dexter is a series about a serial killer who only murders those guilty of crimes. His name in Latin implies he is the opposite of sinister, right or just.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/serendipindy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
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A struggling young news reporter was having trouble getting good sound bites from the politicians she was sent out to interview, so she invited an experienced colleague out to dinner to ask for advice.

The would-be mentor insisted on going to a seafood restaurant and then he ordered his favorite meal for the both of them. When the hard working, fresh-out-of-journalism-school grad asked the veteran newshound how he always managed to get witty phrases from the Prime Ministers and Presidents he interviewed, a sly smile swam across his face.

Intrigued, she watched intently while he reached for his wallet then removed a €5 note. Holding it toward her face over the table, she was surprised when the greying beat writer dropped the money directly on her uneaten dinner and held an index finger to his closed lips.

As they both looked down at the seafood platter, his paper Euro was suddenly sucked under the rings of fried calamari until it disappeared from sight. After what sounded like a stand-up comedian clearing his throat, a male voice with an Eastern European accent clearly rose out of her food. It said, "Trump asked for dirt on Biden so I sent him some good Ukrainian topsoil."

As the gobsmacked gal with mouth agape slowly raised her eyes to her grinning dinner guest's face, he shrugged his shoulders and said, "squid pro quote".

Required Explanation: "squid pro quote" is a play on words for the saying "quid pro quo", a Latin phrase meaning "something for something". In the news at the time of this posting a tremendous amount of discussion is being circulated about whether or not US president Trump dangled a quid pro quo offer in front of Ukraine's newly elected president, Volodymyr Zelensky. The deal had nothing to do with seafood however, so that was just a red herring. It should also be noted that Mr. Zelensky, before diving into politics, was a stand-up comedian.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/podgress
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
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Why do Japanese dogs never get locked out?

Because they always have Akita the door.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2018
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There once was a man.....

There once was a man who had a job driving a passenger train between two large towns. It could be a very dull job to some, but as the old saying goes, one man's trash is another's gold; he wanted to be a railroad man since he was a boy.

He was a wiz behind the controls of the train, and commanded the 15 car vehicle effortlessly as if he had been born to do the job. He prided himself on the fact that he could bend the rules and speed through curves and grades that made other motormen shiver and back off.

One day however, he wasn't so lucky and came round a bend too fast and derailed his train. He backed off the throttle and braked as much as he could, managing to only have one fatality out of 500 passengers on his train.

Months later there was a trial and he was found guilty of manslaughter in the highest degree, a capital offence in that land, and sentenced to die by electric chair. Punishment came swift, unlike most places, and 3 days after sentencing the former railroader was asked for his last meal.

"I'll have a banana," "Just a single banana?" said the perplexed guard. "The warden will grant you a feast and all you want is that?"

"Just a single banana." he said.

After he downed the fruit, he was strapped into the electric chair an hour later.... The warden hit the switch, lights flickered, and the crackle of electricity could be heard for over a minute...

...but our train jockey instead rose from the chair looking more like he got a stiff massage, rather than be put to death! Well in that nation, the law of the land states that if a man somehow survives being put to death, they must be set free...

...And so it came to pass that our engineer was let go...

And for whatever reason, he got his job back!

So he was back railroading again doing the job that he loved. You'd think he'd have been more cautious with this second chance he'd been given, but you'd also be wrong. Speedy Gonzales with a train license decided to gun his locomotive to hard and send it off the tracks again!

Of course, this time he was tried for the same crime, but at a different time (his was a fair commonwealth and double indemnity was simply unheard of!) So fair was their nation, that the jury came up with the same judgement and punishment. So three days later, when asked for his last meal, the engineer simply said "I'll have 2 bananas..."

Not less than 60 minutes after consuming the last morsel was he strapped into the chair and the switch thrown... And....

NOTHING.

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/onmugen
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2016
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Youth Pastor got me on this one after I made a joke involving my waitress girlfriend.

Facebook post:

We've only been dating a little less than 6 months, in high school, and she's already serving me dinner for the 4th time.

His comment (Father of 4 kids):

I've heard of second breakfast, but fourth dinner? Aren't you full yet?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ACEmat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2014
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My dad's a man who came from the USSR, and this is my favorite joke from him

A woman walks into a doctor's office and asks the doctor "Doctor, help! I am 24 years old, always wear makeup, and go on many diets but no man has ever wanted to have intercourse with me! What can I do to fix this problem?" The doctor replies, "Get naked and walk around I'll see what the problem is." She gets naked, walks around and the doctor says, "Ahh, I see what the problem is!" The woman replies, "Oh what is it doctor! I would really like to know!" The doctor says, "You have Exaggetly disease" Woman says, "Exaggetly disease? What's that? Doctor gives a sly grin and says, "Its when your face looks Exaggetly like your ass"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ralfy13
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2013
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Justin Beiber

Dad laid this one on me.

Me: "So Justin Beiber is taking a one year 'retirement'."

Dad: "So then he is Just-out Beiber."

Then the sly smile. Oh, Dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WeenieGenie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2014
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Got dad joked in math class...

Just came back from a bathroom break in my class at our local JC. Teacher is an older Asian gentleman, and as we all get settled down he asks," So, what does the little mermaid wear?" The class talked about it for a bit and then with a sly grin he states, " An alge bra" , many groans were heard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Epic_peacock
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2015
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My mom and I were talking about my two friends, Taylor and Taylor...

I was talking about their wedding last August. Apparently, it was the first time my dad heard me talk about them (or at least paid attention).

Dad: If you say Taylor and Taylor real quick, does that make it... sly grin ...Taylor Swift?

Mom and I: OH MY GOD.

Dad: You called?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShellzNCheez
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2015
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My dad buying a coffee

He bought his coffee and paid with a Β£10 note and got his change which included a new Β£5 note which is plastic and still fairly uncommon. The woman serving said:

"This is the first time I've seen these, see cause it's plastic do you think you could leave it in your pocket and wash it and it would be ok?"

"You can't do that, it's illegal."

"How's it illegal?"

"It's money laundering" he said with a sly grin.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/scottwalker88
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2015
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Stocking the milk.

So I work at a grocery store. Last night I was refilling the milk case and one of the cute cashiers walks up to me and she said "Hey what are you doing?" in a sly tone. Without even a chance to blink while standing there with a gallon of milk in each hand I replied "Handling a pair of large jugs" She laughed, I laughed, the older lady standing near us looked offended... good times!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Morphik08
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2016
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"Can I have a roll?"

I dunno if anyone else's dad pulled this on them, but mine pulled this on me ALL THE TIME as a kid who enjoyed eating bread rolls.

Me: "Can I have a roll??"

Dad: "Sure, get on the floor!"

Sly bastard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/UzukiCheverie
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2015
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At my brother's gf's house talking about their recent trip to Malta (they're maltese)

the mum: Yeah, it's not like melbourne there, where here you see chinese shops, indian shops, greek shops etc...there, it's all maltese

me: oh I dont know, I've found Malta to be very Malta-cultural

Noone took notice of it, but my brother looked back at me as if to say "you sly dog, you"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/souvlaki86
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2014
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Fire spinning

Background: my sister and I have a friend named Cole who spins fire on staffs and hoops as a performance art. "Burning" is short hand for spinning fire or performing with fire.

Sis: Tonight Cole is burning at Maker's square.

Me: Well its cleaner than oil.

She paused, facepalmed, I kept the sly smile.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/edragon20
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2015
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My dad got me at dinner today

I was telling my parents how my friend Adam was showing me all the stuff he bought for his new apartment and he turns to me with a sly grin on his face and said "Did you see Adam's apple?" My mom just shook her head/groaned while me and my Dad shared a good Dad laugh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/danrom9431
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2015
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I reversed a dad joke

My father and I were on a road trip that led us through the town of Jenks. He gets a sly smile on his face and says, "Hey, don't jinx me."

I shook my head and we continued on. Shortly after leaving Jenks, he gets pulled over.

"Well, Dad, looks like you jinxed yourself."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anima_Honorem
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2015
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My printer's been low on toner for awhile now.

I walked into the living room just a few minutes ago, and saw that there was packaging for new toner on the couch. My dad's sitting there.

Me: Did you get toner?

Dad: sly smile Yeah, I've been working out.

Me: laughing groan

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πŸ‘€︎ u/silentxem
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2015
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Do nephew jokes count too? My brother has an (almost) 3 year old with a hilarious sense of humor.

He was just finishing eating some of his mom's leftover birthday cake and his dad asked, ”do you want some milk to wash that cake down?”

”sure”

Dad hand him a cup of milk which he promptly dumps onto his plate and starts scrubbing.

Another one: my brother had just finished unloading the dishwasher and his son starts clappingmand says, ”good job daddy, I'm so proud of you, you unloaded the dish washer all by yourself!”

My brother accused me of reading Calvin and Hobbes to him on the sly when he told his son it was bath time and he started licking himself and said, "I'll just lick myself, that's what tigers do."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/13EchoTango
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2014
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My coworker just got dad joked...

The context here is a discussion on encryption on a data storage medium. The kid here is a new guy who is fresh from grad school. The dad here is a senior engineer who looks like middle aged Gordon Freeman with graying hair. The kid was asking questions on how to erase data securely using a particular protocol command. He wanted more information on the random number keys necessary to encrypt/decrypt the data with. It went some thing like this.

Kid: " So you have A key, right ?"

Dad with a sly smile on his face immediately checks his pocket and whips out his car keys and says " No, I have many keys "

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iamfromshire
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2014
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While cleaning fish one day....

My dad is a all around generally funny guy but for me one of the funniest things he said to me was once while he was cleaning a bunch of fish he had caught. I was watching with wonderment how quickly he was going through the catfish he had caught that day. He was very seriously removing the head and skining them and gutting the fish. He had one particular fish's head on the cutting board seperated from the body and he had the completely gutted body of the fish in one hand and the garden hose in the other. He was running water on the inside cavity of the fish and the tail was twitching back and forth, he noticed my amusement at this and said to me with a sly grin,"they don't like that cold water on their belly." This may be one of those you had to be there moments but I thought it was hilarious at the time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elliott70
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2013
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