Light in Shining Armor
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πŸ‘€︎ u/k9518
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2019
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Did you know that when it snows my eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OverSpeedClutch
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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Someone recently came back from surgery after an accident with their eye. They got a new eye and a mechanical cover that can shine light while covering the eye

The doctors called it eyeLEDs

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TestSubject_02
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
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Buying a flashlight would really shine a new light on things.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thegoatryder
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2018
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I'm glad my friend enlightened me on this deal
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bflowwolf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
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I got dadjoked by my 11 yo son.

After his baseball game, we picked up some take-out food for the family. Driving home and now dark, he and I see three people walking along the shoulder of our street, all wearing dark clothes. I almost hit one of them. I say, shaking my head, "Look at these idiots, wearing dark clothes at night...someone's gonna get run over."

He replies, from the back seat, "Yeah...they're not too bright."

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CCbullet
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2015
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My dad got a ticket driving home

Dad: "You'll never believe what happened to me today driving home!"

Me: "What?"

Dad: "Well, I was driving down a back road home from work. It was such a beautiful day. The sun was still shining, a slight breeze was rustling the trees, and all the leaves had changed colors. Yellow, orange, red... just a gorgeous view. I was doing about 55, not a car in sight, when I come around a bend and see a cop car parked on the side of the road. I slowed down, but tried not to slow down so quickly that it would be obvious. I carefully drove up past the cop, being extra careful to stay centered within the lines and maintaining my lower speed. It looked like I was all clear, but then from out of nowhere a turkey jumped out in front of my car! I didn't even have a chance to brake!"

Me: "Jeez that's crazy!"

Dad: "I know! It hit the front of my car, rolled up over the windshield and did a somersault before landing directly onto the hood of the officer's car. He immediately turned on his lights and pulled me over and gave me a ticket."

Me: "What?? But that's not your fault! It was the turkey! What did he even give you a ticket for?"

Dad: "He gave me a ticket for flipping him the bird. Hahahaha!"

Me: -___-

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoopaSte123
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2013
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You know what the worst part about PC RAM is?

No matter how much light you shine, it's still SODIMM.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/masterof80smetal
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2017
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Dad said this one while talking about the opticians

We were talking about the bit in the eye test where they shine a really bright light into your eye while they look at it.

My sister said 'I don't like that bit, its like its blinding me'

Dad replied, 'Well, they have to drive business up somehow!'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmCdeltaT
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2013
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My dad tells this to everyone, and he still cracks up - A mouse looking for his lenses.

My dad has been telling this goddamn joke for as long as I can remember -

It's night and completely dark, the only light that shines on the deserted street comes from a lightpost which stands over the sidewalk. A little mouse is frantically wandering around near the lightpost when he gets interrupted by a bear. The bear is curious and asks the mouse what he is doing. The mouse responds: I'm looking for my lense, it fell out and I can't find it. The bear asks if the mouse needs help and the mouse gladly accepts the offer. "Do you know where you were standing when you lost your lense?" asks the bear. The mouse casually points across the street into the black abyss and says "about there, I guess". The bear is surprised by this answer and asks why the mouse isn't looking over there. With a dumbfound look on his face the mouse looks at the bear and says: "Well yeah, but at least I have some light here."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brammelam
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2013
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