What do you use to measure the sharpness of a vampires teeth?
I met a beautiful cactus today, so I told it, " you're looking sharp today ".
" I'm just a cactus " , it said. " You have a point there ", I replied.
I am waiting to recover from injuries caused by a small sharp tool:
Why won't swords go obsolete?
They are cutting edge technology.
How many swords do you have?
My son didn't like sharp stones on the seafloor at the beach
I once made a pencil with 2 erasers.
I can’t win arguments against sharp knives
They’ve always got the best points
As an orchestra conductor, I could tell when the entire violin section missed the key with no sharps or flats...
A sharp mind has placed this here
Musicians say if the world isn't round
I cant handle how sharp this is.
When early man discovered that they could use sharp stones for hunting, it was a big deal.
It was cutting edge technology
That's some sharp wit right there.
I've decided to marry a pencil.
I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.
What do you get when you throw a piano down a mineshaft?
I got an interview and told them I was proficient in C and C-sharp.
Turns out that wasn't good enough to be a pianist
Why can’t a reed knife be too sharp?
Because that’s not natural
I cut myself making a sandwich today.
They don't call it sharp cheddar for no reason.
An audience member asked me how I made the brisk sharp cracking sound with my hand.
I told her it was a snap.
My friend didn’t get why the top of the fence was so sharp
I said to him, “That’s the point”
What's a pirate's favorite note?
Why was the cheddar always grumpy
The Guillotine was supposed to be ahead of its time
It had cutting edge technology
My friend bought a microscopically precise pencil sharpener.
My daughter pointed at a spear and said “daddy look it’s sharp”
I replied with “that’s the point”
Why is stained glass popular?
It’s always looking sharp!
Don't bring cheese to a sword fight.
But if you do, make sure it's extra sharp.
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."
What do you call a sharp dot who points out directions for blind people
A pointy point who has no point in pointing
You are on a horse galloping at a constant speed. On your right side, is a sharp drop off and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is another galloping horse, but your horse is unable to overtake it.
Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in front of you.
What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
Get off the merry-go-round!
On the dad joke scale, I got my first ever eye-roll and sharp exhale WITH a walk out of the room from my wife!
Me: Today was an awful day at work
Wife: Are you serious? Tell me about it
Me: I’m not Sirius, I’m your husband. And Itt was a short, hirsute creature who looked short of like a haystack with sunglasses; he was Gomez’s cousin and spoke in high pitched gibberish all the time. Now if we could get back to my day...
I took my car to the shop today because my tire was making a whistling noise
Mechanic: sounds like a flat
Me: actually sounds more like an F-sharp to me
Found this gem on r/me_irl
What’s the difference between a sharp dressed fellow on a bicycle, and a poorly dressed one on a tricycle?
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a sharp dressed man on a unicycle?
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
I've decided to marry a pencil
I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B
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