When the package came....the box was empty.
she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.
Leading a porpoise-driven life
I don’t why, I just can’t help myself.
It's called on and on anon
"They wouldn't let me in."
She said that would defeat the purpose
its called how not to become a book
When the package arrived it was empty. They also charged me twice.....lesson learned.
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The best way to save face is to keep the lower half of it closed.
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Those who seek to get even only end up at greater odds.
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Those who sling mud end up only losing ground.
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Want a bouncier water bed? Just fill it with spring water.
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Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push.
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Keep your dreams alive -- quickly hit the snooze button.
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Don't worry about the bird flu too much -- it's tweetable.
“What’s all this for?” he asked...
“Well” I replied, “I’ve heard that if you give a man enough rope, he will hang himself”.
So I went in and hired myself..
I went in and hired myself.
So I walked in and hired myself.
I've never metajoke I didn't like!
Dad: “That’s only if you shoplift a record. “
He laughed at himself for the next 3 minutes of our lives.
tl;dr explain every single pun you make or else it gets removed.
For the sake of cleaning up a lot of my mod queue, whenever you make a post, explain it. There's been more and more rule 6 reports as of late, so this should help clear up a lot of that. This rule change is to lessen confusion and simultaneously help us clear out the reposters who are too lazy to even read the sidebar before posting. formerly rule 6 was:
Post must be a pun and must be explained in the comments. If your post or image isn't self-explanatory, you must comment on it with enough information for readers to get the joke.
We are now changing it to:
Post must be a pun and must be explained. No exceptions! You must explain your pun somewhere in the text or in the comment section.
###IF YOU DO NOT EXPLAIN YOUR PUN, IT WILL BE REMOVED!
carry on
So he’s mostly known as a psychologist, self help Guru and “philosopher” but he also did some interesting work in Marine Biology.
One of the papers he worked on was on how the nuclear tests in the Bikini Atol effected Predator genetics.
The results learned that the nuclear tests during the cold war disrupted shark breeding so much that species were splitting apart.
They called it the Post Modern Neo Shark Schism.
I thought I found the perfect self help book "How to Make People Like You".
It turned out to be a book on cloning.
For centuries, we've used our shop as a means of teaching the youngest of our lineage the importance of teamwork, the value of a dollar and, most importantly, the self-satisfaction felt in a job well-done.
In the past few weeks, it's been repeatedly brought to my attention that our youngest child, Sheeran, has been demonstrating particularly helpful and productive tendencies so, today, I felt it was finally time to experience the honor of rewarding his efforts, offering him the opportunity to join our workforce; to which he was nothing short of ecstatic!
I'll be honest, I initially withheld concerns that his excitement would subside once I explained the sorts of menial work I'd have to start him off on but, to my relief, he took no issue in hearing that his duties would mostly revolve around wiping our patrons' hair off of the chairs, and sweeping it up from the floor.
Sharing a moment of beautiful silence, exchanging our most heartfelt of smiles and basking in this pivotal moment of his development, I placed my hand on his shoulder and said, "Son...
You are really going to have your work cut out for you."
My Niece posted a photo of her daughter with the caption "My little angle!". I couldn't help my self. I replied "How acute!"
She didn't get it. My son nearly lost it thought.
Newscaster: ...and in health news, a study showed that frequent orgasms help support immunity....
Mom: Honey, that must be why you’re never sick (winks)
Dad: Yeah, that’s because I’m self-medicated!
My girlfriend, her parents and I were shopping for a dresser, but since its IKEA we got more, we ended up getting cups and also a lamp. The lamp set we got was called "NOT". There was an issue with the self checkout so the cashier had to come help us. As we were finishing up, the cashier told us she needed to open up the lamp box and was making sure there was everything inside. I asked her what would happen if it was NOT. She laughed, my girlfriend groaned and walked away, and her parents laughed.
There was a bloodied man lying on the road. As I got closer, I could see that he had cuts all over his body. I offered to help him out, but he said that he was actually a surgeon, it wasn't as bad as it looked, and he was in good enough health and spirits to do everything on his own.
I replied "Fine, suture self."
Don't wanna be Obama self. I'm just China to make you happy. Yes, my pun Israel. Norway I'm lying, Syria stuff. You guys Ghana have to Czech these puns. Okay, I think I will Finnish now. I think Alaska guy to help me out because I’m Havana hard time. You have no India how long it took me to make these puns, but I hope they'll help Sweden your day because I Canada think of one anymore. Oman, I think Iran out of ideas Irish I can think of Samoa. I think my Bahrain can’t think of one anymore but Taiwan this to continue. I want Tibet that there are better things to do now. I Belize it’s time to put an end to these puns because I’m Oslo getting Bordeaux this. African hate these puns I want Togo because I Amsterdam tired. I’m Sudan with puns now.
