My two sons 5&8 are playing Minecraft this morning on survival. They are working hard together to build their mansion. I crossed the room in front of the TV to grab my phone as they are balanced high on a wall constructing a roof. My son screams out, β€œDad get out of the way!”

I said, β€œYou’re the ones blocking!”

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Colbosky
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the new Halloween movie where the guy screams his lungs out?

It was breathtaking

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
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My son just came in and asked, β€œif you scream into a colander...

...will you strain your voice?”

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheProcesSherpa
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, β€œGive me all your money or you’re geography!”

The teller replies, β€œDon’t you mean history?”

The robber says, β€œDon’t change the subject!"

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
scream
πŸ‘︎ 180
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2020
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The presidents guards aren’t allowed to scream β€œget down” before the president is attacked anymore.

They have to yell β€œDonald, Duck!”

Edit: whoever gave me the gold award, thank you so much. I would repay you in a way, but I don’t know who you are.

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hiiam_larry
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s purple and screams?

A damson in distress.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shotgun883
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
🚨︎ report
The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, "What's happening now?"

"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"

"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.

"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
🚨︎ report
News from a Brazilian tabloid: β€œJhon Lennon kidnaps bus and passengers scream HELP”
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/guzforster
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Cicadas sit in trees all day and scream.

But when I do it I’m β€œdisturbing the peace” and β€œunder arrest”

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kshovhan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What colour screams hello?

Yellow!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/invertedparadoxxx
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I can hear the scream
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LouSlash
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I was scared by a scream

You could say it was a horroar

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaku2201
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2020
🚨︎ report
A Cat Named Hitler Screams at a Fridge, It's Because...
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SandySushi
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Ice Scream
πŸ‘︎ 684
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GingerManBearPig
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2018
🚨︎ report
*screams in baguette*
πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/average_at_life
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the student scream when he saw his report card?

There was a Bee on it

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrescentCoast
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
🚨︎ report
"Jim Morrison was overrated!" the son screams as he stomps upstairs...

... his dad calls angrily after him: "YOUNG MAN, WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT SLAMMING THE DOORS?!"

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/glyph-bellchime
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2018
🚨︎ report
sCREAM in pain
πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What did geronimo scream when he jumped from the plane?

MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/g_petro
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report
A man got a vasectomy without telling his wife. When she finds out about it, she is livid. "Are you serious?" She screams.

"Yes, I'm not kidding you."

πŸ‘︎ 272
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2016
🚨︎ report
What did the painkiller scream when it stubbed its toe..

Ibuprofanities!

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hindza
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2019
🚨︎ report
You are a super villain who can scream supersonic classical music, you name is Bach the Fuck up. Would you rather rob banks for a living, or would you rather cause random chaos in the streets? reddit.com/r/WouldYouRath…
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tater218
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2018
🚨︎ report
If someone ever throws something at the President of the United States during an important press conference with other world leaders, what should you scream?

DONALD DUCK!!!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when a baby screams for three hours straight?

Airplane mode!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dude_Im_hilarious
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2018
🚨︎ report
What did Donald Trump scream at his staffers calling in sick?

Fake Achoos!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xnoybis
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Taking a car load of kids to amusement park today. One kid screams "Please tell me that's Knott's Berry Farm." ...

I reply, "It's Knott."

Kids in unison "Awww."

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Papa-Dam
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2016
🚨︎ report
When you get locked out, do not scream, but just start singing.

You had better find the key.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yaongyaong
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2017
🚨︎ report
Choking on food and hardly able to breathe, I scream, "Someone, call me a doctor!"

Dad replies from the other room, "Are you sure son?!"
I say, "Yes, I'm choking!"
Dad: "If you say so. You're a doctor!"

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/coogzzz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2014
🚨︎ report
A class of students is taking a tour of a cheese factory. The tour guide is showing the kids where the cheese is made, when suddenly a worker operating a forklift loses control and the vehicle goes hurtling towards the visitors. The worker screams:

"Get out of the whey!!!"

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lyonhart31
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2013
🚨︎ report
So, my grandma screams "son of a bitch!"

and my dad says to her, "I'm right here!"

πŸ‘︎ 87
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Queen-Celeste
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2013
🚨︎ report
Son is going as "Scream" for Halloween, dadjoked him

My son was telling me about how he talked to a boy on his schoolbus about Halloween. He told me, "I said I'm going as Scream for Halloween, and he said he's gonna be Scream too!".

So I, seizing the opportunity, said: "I guess that makes you Scream One then!"

God, I laughed.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Omegafrog1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2013
🚨︎ report
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, β€œGive me all your money or you’re geography!”

The teller replies, β€œDon’t you mean history?”

The robber says, β€œDon’t change the subject!"

πŸ‘︎ 15k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2018
🚨︎ report
The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, "What's happening now?"

"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"

"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.

"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the kid scream when he saw his report card

There was a Bee on it

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CrescentCoast
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
🚨︎ report

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