My two sons 5&8 are playing Minecraft this morning on survival. They are working hard together to build their mansion. I crossed the room in front of the TV to grab my phone as they are balanced high on a wall constructing a roof. My son screams out, “Dad get out of the way!”
I said, “You’re the ones blocking!”
Did you hear about the new Halloween movie where the guy screams his lungs out?
My son just came in and asked, “if you scream into a colander...
...will you strain your voice?”
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!”
The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber says, “Don’t change the subject!"
The presidents guards aren’t allowed to scream “get down” before the president is attacked anymore.
They have to yell “Donald, Duck!”
Edit: whoever gave me the gold award, thank you so much. I would repay you in a way, but I don’t know who you are.
What’s purple and screams?
The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, "What's happening now?"
"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"
"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.
"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"
News from a Brazilian tabloid: “Jhon Lennon kidnaps bus and passengers scream HELP”
Cicadas sit in trees all day and scream.
But when I do it I’m “disturbing the peace” and “under arrest”
What colour screams hello?
I was scared by a scream
You could say it was a horroar
A Cat Named Hitler Screams at a Fridge, It's Because...
Why did the student scream when he saw his report card?
"Jim Morrison was overrated!" the son screams as he stomps upstairs...
... his dad calls angrily after him: "YOUNG MAN, WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT SLAMMING THE DOORS?!"
What did geronimo scream when he jumped from the plane?
A man got a vasectomy without telling his wife. When she finds out about it, she is livid. "Are you serious?" She screams.
"Yes, I'm not kidding you."
What did the painkiller scream when it stubbed its toe..
You are a super villain who can scream supersonic classical music, you name is Bach the Fuck up. Would you rather rob banks for a living, or would you rather cause random chaos in the streets?
reddit.com/r/WouldYouRath…
If someone ever throws something at the President of the United States during an important press conference with other world leaders, what should you scream?
What do you call it when a baby screams for three hours straight?
What did Donald Trump scream at his staffers calling in sick?
Taking a car load of kids to amusement park today. One kid screams "Please tell me that's Knott's Berry Farm." ...
I reply, "It's Knott."
Kids in unison "Awww."
When you get locked out, do not scream, but just start singing.
You had better find the key.
Choking on food and hardly able to breathe, I scream, "Someone, call me a doctor!"
Dad replies from the other room, "Are you sure son?!"
I say, "Yes, I'm choking!"
Dad: "If you say so. You're a doctor!"
A class of students is taking a tour of a cheese factory. The tour guide is showing the kids where the cheese is made, when suddenly a worker operating a forklift loses control and the vehicle goes hurtling towards the visitors. The worker screams:
So, my grandma screams "son of a bitch!"
and my dad says to her, "I'm right here!"
Son is going as "Scream" for Halloween, dadjoked him
My son was telling me about how he talked to a boy on his schoolbus about Halloween. He told me, "I said I'm going as Scream for Halloween, and he said he's gonna be Scream too!".
So I, seizing the opportunity, said: "I guess that makes you Scream One then!"
God, I laughed.
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!”
The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber says, “Don’t change the subject!"
The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, "What's happening now?"
"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"
"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.
"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"
Why did the kid scream when he saw his report card
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