I once debated a flat earther. He got so mad he stormed off saying he would walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong.

He’ll come around eventually.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LinkIsThicc
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Ebay is so useless

I searched for lighters but ti only came up whith 14,852 matches

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/potatooftheabys
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
When my wife found me playing with my son’s train set, I was so embarrassed that I threw a bedsheet over it.

I think I managed to cover my tracks.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
🚨︎ report
So touching
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Norwegian_Stick
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
I know a family of Artists but I am not sure how they make so much Money

Very Sketchy People

πŸ‘︎ 417
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πŸ‘€︎ u/omarsrstt
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Before my surgery today, the anesthesiologist asked if I'd like to be knocked out with gas or he could just hit me over the head with a canoe paddle. So I guess it was...

...an ether/oar situation...

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Momma always told me "you are what you eat!" So I started eating mushrooms every day.

I wanted to become a fun guy.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-Masderus-
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
A buddy of mine named his dog β€œ5 Miles” so he could tell people he walked 5 miles

But today he ran over 5 Miles

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GigaMike123
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I met a beautiful cactus today, so I told it, " you're looking sharp today ".

" I'm just a cactus " , it said. " You have a point there ", I replied.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Magnusfeli
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
So I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.

I'll let you know

πŸ‘︎ 178
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πŸ‘€︎ u/POOTIS113
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
🚨︎ report
My printer was making music so I checked it out.

The paper was jamming.

πŸ‘︎ 164
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StrokeMyAxe
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Sales are down, so my boss asked why the greeting cards aren't moving

I told him it's because they are stationary

πŸ‘︎ 91
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
🚨︎ report
I’ve recently discovered I’m terrified of elevators, so I’m taking steps to avoid them.

I was a little afraid of speed bumps too, but I’m slowly getting over them!

UPDATE: Thank you so much for all the upvotes and amazing responses, fellow Dad Joke lovers. You make the world a happier place! 🀩

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Whoopass_voice
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I hung around so long that I won the loitery.
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CatsCreepMeowt
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Why do dogs float on water so easily?

Because they're good buoys.

πŸ‘︎ 122
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
My flatmate and I are single AF so I got her flours for valentines day....
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpohieAuz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
I was walking with about 100 cows from one ranch to another and I had to pass through a vineyard so

I herded through the grapevine

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thkoog
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
🚨︎ report
Why are fisherman so good at geometry?

Because they're all Anglers.

πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FranticFridge
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
🚨︎ report
I snore so loudly...

It scares the shit out of the people I'm driving.

πŸ‘︎ 216
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife told me that my botanical garden was so expensive that it was preventing us from starting a family. She said I can either have a hobby...

Orchid

πŸ‘︎ 168
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HoobidyMcBoobidy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
🚨︎ report
I asked my mom how are computers so smart

She answered:"Because they listen to their motherboards"

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jackieboi24
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Why do I feel healthy on Saturdays and Sundays, and so sickly for all the other days ?

Maybe, I just have a weekend immune system.

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
🚨︎ report
My son kept chewing on all the electrical chords we had set up for the holidays, so I grounded him...

He's doing better currently and conducting himself properly...

πŸ‘︎ 112
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
🚨︎ report
From my daughter (so proud)

When I was young I was told I could be anyone I wanted. Turns out identity theft is a crime.

πŸ‘︎ 361
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TryToHelpPeople
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
The wedding was so touching that

even the cake was in tiers.

Edit: Thank you so much guys! I never expected this to reach 10k upvotes! You guys truly made my day.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/anoobypro
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
There are so many different things you can do with spaghetti.

It’s mind-blowing to think of all the pasta-bilities.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vinyldoctor
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
🚨︎ report
I figured out why Teslas are so expensive.

It’s because they charge a lot.

πŸ‘︎ 245
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OPs_Mom_and_Dad
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
🚨︎ report
Why are nuns so predictable?

Because they're creatures of habit.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/motobuddha
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
🚨︎ report
Aloe-v you so much little friend
πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Other-Dog4673
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
I heard herb gardens grow better with classic rock in the background, so I played a Styx album on repeat.

Now I've got Too Much Thyme on My Hands.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CIMMGW
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
🚨︎ report
So that is why...
πŸ‘︎ 194
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aidanexe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
And so Sam sung note 7
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/goldenpike
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to a wedding that was so moving everyone was crying.

Even the cake was in tiers.

πŸ‘︎ 391
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
🚨︎ report
I I couldn’t get $GME so I got CHKN, BEEF, and VGTBL stock instead.

I hope to become a bouillionaire!

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sethibro
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
🚨︎ report
My dad had a burning question about grammar and I didn't know the answer so I came here to ask it.

His question was, "Is 'buttcheeks' one word?"

"Or should I spread them apart?"

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tis-a-pirate
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Why is Pavlov’s hair so soft??

Because he conditioned it. πŸ˜‚

πŸ‘︎ 72
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TattooedTimi
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Why’s Tesla so expensive?

Because they charge a lot

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MasterDistrict1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend recently dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair.

Guess who came crawling back

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PapaBear1718
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Perhaps this is why wood floors are so popular these days
πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToastyZ71
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
🚨︎ report
The elevator at work was broken so I took the stairs...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Now no one can get down.

πŸ‘︎ 588
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
So a frog walks into a bank

So a frog walks into a bank and he goes up to the person working there and sees her nametag that says Patricia Whack so he says "miss whack i would like a loan of fifty thousand dollars for my vacation"

Patty just looks at him in disbelief so the frog ccontinues on "its okay I'm Kermit Jagger my dad is Mick Jagger and he knows the bank manager"

Patty is confused so she just responds "okay but you will need collateral for the loan"

"This oughta do it" the frog says while pulling a tiny porcelain elephant out of his pocket

Patty is even more confused so she excuses herself to the back to talk to her manager

Patty says to her manager "there is a frog who wants a loan and he said his dad is Mick Jagger and he tried to give me this elephant what is this?"

The manager replies "its a knicknack Patty whack give that frog a loan his old mans a rolling stone"

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jacksminecraftdog
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
🚨︎ report
I was so ugly as a baby

when my mum breast fed me, she used to shut her eyes and think of other babies.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stevononline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
🚨︎ report
I asked my dad why his ghost costume smells so bad.

He told me it was because he was covered in sheet.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/osbomh48
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
🚨︎ report
I'm so sorry.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hot_controller
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
My printer was making music so I checked it out

Turns out the paper was jamming

πŸ‘︎ 92
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yoshi_hopps
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
🚨︎ report
My printer started making music, so I checked it out...

The paper was jamming.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report
A flat earther was debating me and got so mad he said "I will walk off the edge of the earth to prove you wrong!!"

He'll come around eventually

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/clouc1223
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Why are Tesla’s so expensive?

Because they charge. A lot.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thisDiff
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
I figured out why teslas cost so much.

It’s because they charge a lot.

πŸ‘︎ 98
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/guitasketball
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report

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