To be or not to be a horse rider...

... that is Equestrian

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/beej2000
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
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Shite Rider.
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/awesome_smokey
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
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Did you hear about this winter Olympic's sled rider with gigantism?

He's this season's biggest luger

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/prince_ossin
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
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Did you hear about the reckless bike riders?

They kept taking corners on two wheels.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/lvrcerosis
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 12 2020
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I've had a dream that I wanted to be a horse rider when I grew up

It was a nightmare

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/totally80s
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
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Goat Rider
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/manishrc
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 08 2018
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What do you call a horse who doesn't listen to its' rider?

A neigh-sayer. :P

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/laurelcook
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 21 2018
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A jockey was disqualified after training his horse to attack other riders

It was an excessive use of horse.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/maggock
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 16 2019
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Why don't dolphin riders have accidents?

Because they do everything on porpoise!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Krombopulos137
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
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My MTB group passed a lone rider, I was in back, so I told him "I'm last".

"Hi Last, I'm Alone!"

Almost crashed...

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/shupack
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 14 2017
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What do you call a Mexican man who lost his car?

Carloss

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Jakememer
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 08 2020
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I don't really like the rodeo. It's too fast-paced for me.

I prefer the sidewalkeo.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/bobskimo
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
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TIL The 1st United States Volunteer Cavalry, one of three such regiments raised in 1898 for the Spanishโ€“American War, had dogs to go with them...

The were The Ruff Riders.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thomasbrakeline
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
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What do you call a necrophilic women

Tomb rider

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/stinckypringles
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
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Nearly all the funniest jokes at Edinburgh Fringe is dad jokes

The winner and the 9 runner ups: "I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets"

  • "Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they're happy" - Richard Stott
  • "What's driving Brexit? From here it looks like it's probably the Duke of Edinburgh" - Milton Jones
  • "A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. I said, 'Yes, of course. - That's 20 cows'" - Jake Lambert
  • "A thesaurus is great. There's no other word for it" - Ross Smith
  • "Sleep is my favourite thing in the world. It's the reason I get up in the morning" - Ross Smith
  • "I accidentally booked myself onto an escapology course; I'm really struggling to get out of it" - Adele Cliff
  • "After learning six hours of basic semaphore, I was flagging - Richard Pulsford
  • "To be or not to be a horse rider, that is Equestrian" - Mark Simmons
  • "I've got an Eton-themed advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad's contacts" - Ivo Graham
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Cantankerousbastard
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
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Sesame Street Bus

A man is a bus driver on Sesame Street and insists on meeting all of his riders. At the first stop, two overweight women got on the bus; both are named Patty. At the next stop, a mentally challenged boy named Ross got on. At the final stop, a disgusting man named Lester Cheese got on, took off his shoes, and picked at his bunions.

When the bus driver got home, his wife asked him if he met anyone new that day. He said, "Two obese Patties, special Ross; Lester Cheese picks his bunions on a Sesame Street bus."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/mrmeanmustid
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 29 2017
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Collection of dadness

I am not a dad at the moment, but I've learned the art of pretty clever puns in college. Some are mine, some are spins on inspirations, others are more on the joke side of dad.

What does a radioactive cat have?
18 half-lives

Ventriloquists are like psychiatrists, they both talk through things.

What is my vision?
To make the world 10% better?
No, it's about 20/20...

The invention of the shovel was truly a groundbreaking discovery.

Dad: I invested in some uranium, but I lost money.
Friend: What happened?
Dad: The Profit decayed.

We have received a report of a hole being discovered in the ground, our investigative team is looking into it.

There was an explosion at a local film manufacturing company, the story is still developing as we speak.

A local theater put together an act about jokes.
It was a play on words

Sรธ, I hรชรกrd yรถลซ lรฌkรซ fรถrรฉigรฑ aรงฤ‡ฤ“ล„tลก

As an airline mechanic would say, the job has lots of ups and downs.

My New Years resolution will probably be 25 megapixels, or 4K, not sure yet...

There was a river in Egypt no one believed existed, it was known locally as De-Nile.

Dad-Epitaph:
I thought I'd never live to see this day come.

There are two things that are guaranteed to open doors in life.
Push and Pull!

(How to keep an idiot in suspense)
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

A man builds robotic snakes for a living, I guess you could say he was a... python programmer!

A researcher's obsession with mixing stone, sand, lime, and water has yielded concrete results.

A madman once attacked a rider on his horse.
The rider had to goto hospital, the horse remains in stable condition.

A man bought a paper shop, it blew away in the wind last night.

Science is all about learning the rules, setting off an absurd amount of explosives, and then writing down what happened.

It has recently been discovered that scientific research causes cancer in rats.

Dad: Did you pick up your room?
Kid: No, I tried but it's too heavy.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/techtornado
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 13 2018
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Did you hear about the guy who died last week?

Apparently a Dodge Caravan lost it's radio antenna on the highway and it killed a motorcycle rider.

The police coroner called it "Van Aerial disease"

Edit: I know I butchered the joke. Some 75 year old guy told it to me yesterday, but I forgot to write it down how he said it.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/xAsilos
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 26 2017
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So my dad just threw this one at me...

"We should have named you Rohan"

"Dad, why would you name me Rohan?"

"So I could refer to your ex-girlfriends as 'The Riders of Rohan' "

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Shigg
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 13 2013
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Had a good one at choir practice

We were singing Handel's "Israel in Egypt." The last movement has the line "The horse and his rider" repeated several times. Towards the end of a measure, it slows down and often people miss it and sing it up tempo. Our choir director said "The last 'rider' isn't as fast as the others."

A guy from the back cracks "That'd be why he's in last place!"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/FuckedAsBored
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 07 2014
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To be or not to be a horse rider

That is equestrian

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
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