Victoria ruins it for everyone
So I asked if that’s why people are admitted to the hospital
I was wrong in thinking he was clean and no longer would knead it.
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I asked my blood type ( genuinely didn't know it). When they said A Positive, I mused, "that must explain why I'm such a positive guy.” ( got a pretty good chuckle from those in the room)
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They realized I didn't need oxygen and hauled the tank out of the room. I uttered, "tanks for nothing!" (got a bigger chuckle)
Not the greatest puns ever, but not bad for just coming out of general anesthetic :)
So far it's been a very sobering experience.
Alternatively:
Alcoholic Recovery: Collecting Bottles, Emptied or Full.
Resolution: Alcoholic Recovery, Collecting Emptied Bottles
Resolution: Alcoholic Recovery, Collecting More Bottles
He said, "I could be bettor."
Background: My boyfriend is stuck on crutches after having hip surgery and likes to sit in the recliner with his legs propped up. Since he can't move his hips, I have to lower the footrest for him to get out of the chair.
Him: Can you put my feet down so I can go relax in the bed for a while?
Me: Feet, you're stupid and useless and no one likes you!
Him giving me silence with a side of contempt while I cackle.
Laughter is the best medicine...
That escalated quickly.
"I'm on antidepressants."
He's going in for surgery at 3:30pm Pacific. All your positive thoughts and prayers are appreciated.
Edit: Thank you all for the kind words and omg for the gold! He's out of surgery and looks to be recovering nicely. All your well wishes helped cheer him and his parents up.
I'm in recovery.
Because I am going down unda’! (Anesthesia... I’m having surgery today.)
He was a little hoarse!
Update: I’m very sad to announce that he has been diagnosed with hay fever. Please send him your best wishes for a speedy recovery.
It plays an instrumental role in my recovery.
He's in recovery now.
True story: today at work, I was getting ready to discharge a patient from the recovery room after surgery, and I asked “how do you feel?”
Without hesitation he replied “with my fingers” and the old guy in the next bay chuckled and yelled “good one!”
when all of a sudden I deleted an entire sentence. I tried Ctrl+Z, document recovery, and everything, but eventually I gave it up as a lost clause.
While this news undoubtedly sucks, I'm trying to take it in stride and em-brace it nonetheless! The recovery will give me the opportunitknee to improve my skills as a sideline player and some extra downtime to expand my abilities in programming and graphic design. I plan to continue at-tendon practices and other events as normal though! So many teammates, past and present, have already been incredibly supportive and reached out to help me; its certainly been a joint effort, and I can't thank you all enough for that. In hindsight, I wouldn't change akneething about attending USA U24 tryouts as tenacity, perserverance, and sacrifice are often the names of the game in pursuit of distant dreams. Ultimately, I guess some things are just liga-meant to be!
It’s pivotal to my recovery.
Hi guys, I have a friend who has recently has surgery on her back to remove some cysts. I'm going to give her a get well card and I want to put as many back/cyst/surgery/recovery/etc. related puns or general sayings as I can for a goofy card that will hopefully give her some chuckles.
E.g. "You're like a CYSTer to me", "Hope you get BACK to being well soon", "You've been through enough PUNishment". Etc.
Help me Reddit you're my only hope. :)
Hit head-on by a drunk driver, she broke her right wrist and forearm (compound fracture), and broke her right femur. The doctor came to talk to us after the surgery and told us she was okay. My dad asked, "will she be able to play the trumpet?" And the doctor assured us that she would make a full recovery and be able to play after the cast came off. To which my dad replies, "Wow, you're one hell of a doctor. All she could play before was the piano!"
At the dinner table.
Mother in law: "...he has recently had two surgeries to fuse his lower vertebrae, his recovery has been quite slow"
Me: "Well I would expect nothing less after having back to back operations."
after about 4 seconds people started leaving the table.
It's his second day in recovery and he's finally awake and starting to walk around a bit. Today he was moved to a step-down unit from ICU. A new doctor we've never seen before came over to check up on my dad.
Doctor: "Hi Mr. _______, how are you feeling? Dr. Esposito asked me to keep an eye on you."
Dad: "Oh really? Which one?"
Poor doctor was so taken aback... He didn't even see it coming.
My mom's been in the hospital having a difficult recovery from surgery, and she's spent the last few weeks attached to various contraptions to drain the wound site. Dad sent an update today: "Mom's been released. No wound vac, no drains of any kind. Just an island dressing. 😃"
"Yay", I said. "That's 999 islands less than most people get!"
If an onion makes you cry what makes you laugh?
An artijoke (artichoke)
Did you hear about the guy who had an accident in the upholstery machine?
He's okay now after his recovery
My wife gave birth yesterday. As we were settling into the recovery room, the nurse came in and the baby started to cry. She tried to console him and said to us:
Nurse: He's really just yelling at you saying "Do you know what I've been through today?!"
Me (imitating my wife): Yeah, me!
She was too tired to groan, but I think I'm gonna like this.
He made a full recovery but had a spell last night and fell a few times from low blood pressure. He said his butt was sore so he was going to check it in the mirror. He said "I looked and it looks like I cracked my butt......"
So yesterday I had vision correction surgery and on the ride home my mom called. My dad answered it via the car phone and my mom was asking how it went and all that. The conversation went as follows:
Mom: Hi how are you doing? How's Phil?
Dad: Hi we are good. He was in and out in about 20 minutes and they gave him a CD with only one track on it as part of the recovery package.
Mom: Really? What for?
Dad: Just to ease the anxiety he may experience shortly after the surgery. It's the song I can see clearly now.
My mom proceeded to crack up over the phone and I think she accidentally hung up as well. My girlfriend and I were laughing hysterically as well.
Knowing my dad, he couldn't wait to drop that one.
